A
female
age
36-40,
*harmmyKitty
writes:I've been really impressed with this site so far, so I'm hoping that maybe someone out there can give me some advice, or share a similar story...I met my last boyfriend about 8 months ago, and we clicked immediately. We had text book compatability. Same interests, same values, same philosophies, and our personalities complimented eachother perfectly. For the first few months things were great. He treated me better than any guy I've ever dated, and I honestly thought that he would be the one I'd marry.But then in January, things got rocky. Due to circumstances that were beyond our control (opposite work and school schedules, family responsibilites, etc.) We were able to see eachother very little. And when we did see eachother it was very unsatisfying. Pretty soon we just stopped making a real effort all together. But dispite all that, I still really loved him, and figured we were just going through a rough patch and things would work out with a little time and patience. Then one day I went to his house to get some of my things. I tried phoning him to let him know I was on my way but he wouldn't answer. When I arrived I discovered him with another girl. Words can't describe how much it shocked and hurt me. I was fuming angry, but couldn't bring myself to walk out there and then. I needed answers. We ended up talking for hours, and a lot of things came out from both of us about our relationship problems. We are broken up, but he's apologized over and over and wants to get back together. Though I don't think I can ever really forgive him for what he did, I still have feelings for him. But I'm not sure if I'm really in love with him anymore.Try to forgive and forget, or move on?
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get back together, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Hey Charmmy,
Thanks for updating us. I'm glad to hear you are doing so well. You sound very positive and strong. Well done. I'm sure you will bounce back fully in no time at all.
Take care
Scythe
xox
A
female
reader, CharmmyKitty +, writes (28 March 2008):
CharmmyKitty is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to everyone for their advice. It really helped to have some objective opinions on the situation. I decided to cut ties with him, and haven't seen or spoken with him for a while now. I'm still pretty sore over it all, but things are gradually getting better. I hope it won't be much longer before I bounce back!
Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): When the going gets tough, some men just make life easy for themselves by sleeping with someone else.
Relationships ARE tough and if he's doing this already, I wouldn't be inclined to trust him.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 Can you live without him?
If you can answer that question , you can forgive , forget and move on.
But if you find that , no matter how you tried to forget him , he is always on your mind and you have no peace, then you need to forgive, forget and take him back.
Do you think he deserved a second chance?
Only your heart and how deep is your love for him can decide this answer.
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A
female
reader, Just.me  +, writes (27 February 2008):
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I met my ex and thought the same thing. I went to my sisters house and said "i met the man I want to marry". The first 6 months were great .... then he started texting women "get out of my head", went on an internet dating site a few times ... etc. BUT stupidly i held on to that dream. It was my dream that kept this relationship. I became insecure and focused on him, as I did not want to get hurt. Trust me, I've been down this road and the only consistencies are his lies and deceitfulness. He cheated on me again.He will do it again, I promise. Leave himIf he loved you he would not have cheated on you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): Leave him alone, he's no good, period.If he's done it once it's just a matter of time before it happens again. That's already proven that he will, it's just all about when again now. Personal advice for you, you need to know that you can't love him, think if you two were married or to get married he wouldn't give a rats about you because he already allowed women to step foot across the threashold of you all house. Look at it that way. F-him i feel strongly about this because i had a chick do that same sh-- to me....later
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A
female
reader, Lucy2118  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 I think you need to stand strong and walk away from him, although he's said sorry, sometimes sorry isn't enough to take away the pain he caused by what you saw. You'll hurt for a while as you thought this was the guy that you'd marry, but many women (not many will admit) that they have had thoughts about a guy involving marriage, children and security with them, i know i have. However, only about 1 in 100 of those thoughts become a reality, which is a shame but then they go on to meet a man that literally takes their breath away and they forget about their ex.
Hope this helps.
X
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A
female
reader, scythe +, writes (27 February 2008):
Wow honey, thats a tough one - especially because you thought you might eventually get married to him.
But since you are questioning yourself about if you are even still in love with him, I'de say this indicates your heart isn't fully there anymore. Now comes the tricky bit where you have to decided if you want to remove yourself fully from this situation.
If I might offer my advice - I'de say you should do all three (forgive, forget AND move on). They are all hard things to do. Don't push yourself to try and move on and forget too quickly. One day you will wake up and realise that you don't think about him anymore. You probably don't want to hear this, but - It takes time.
And also - if you can, try and get closure before you attempt to move on. Maybe have one last discussion with him explaining how you feel.
Plus, you are around my age too. Even though I don't like to admit it, I think we've got plenty of time to experinece different relationships and eventually find the person we can spend our lives with. Don't just settle for this guy if you feel you don't want to start over again. Let's enjoy life :)
Hope things work out for you darl.
Lots of love,
Scythe
xox
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): You have to gather all of your strength now and move on. You will have that image in your head forever if you stay together. The next time you fall out or argue you will be asking yourself i fhe is going to cheat on you today, sorry, but it will happen again, i know i have been there. Can you not see how it will be? Be strong and walk away from him now or you will have a lifetime of misery.take carexx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): I would be strong and walk away from him. Once that trust that you both had is broken you will find it very hard to trust him again - if ever. I found out my fiance was cheating on me with my best friend and even tho initially I forgave him the trust was never there and when I found out that they were still seeing each other that was the end of both relationship and friendship with either of them as I couldn't trust them ever again. Put it down to experience, move on with your life and learn from this. Thats what I had to do. Its not easy but it can be done
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (27 February 2008):
 HiI would be strong and move on. But ive done the trying to forgive and forget thing (and he hadnt even cheated) and found it hard enough, needless to say it didnt work.But only you know if you can get your head round this.It will be very hard though.C xxxx
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (27 February 2008):
 Hi there,
I think you really need to move on. First, you have to examine what actually happened here: you were going through a rough patch and he found comfort in another girl's arms. This is up there with the major league deal breakers in any relationship.
Now if this was a 10 year marriage with kids and house/car/dog etc involved I would probably advice marriage counselling and at attempt at patching things up. But in your circumstance the world is your oyster you have so many more opportunities open to you. I think you should say thanks but no thanks and have a nice life buddy.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (27 February 2008):
 Your both pretty young and haven't even been together for that long really. What happen if you two get married and go through another rocky patch? (which you will)
Your still young and don't need to stay with a cheat. I'm 18 and if I actually caught my B/F in bed with another female, that be it. God the image would always be there, the respect gone.
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