A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay I've been dating my boyfriend since about 2012. December 29th. We both realized we had a attraction and decided to try it out. For about 6 months everything was good, into we both had to accept that at this point we we're gay. I accepted it after a while and my boyfriend, although hard to accept if, he accepted it to.During our relationship we started out as friends and began experimenting. Kissing, cuddling, I've never been comfortable with a guy into I met him and I fell in love. I then began to notice he got distant,he seemed like something was on his mind and I tried so hard to get him to tell me. I found out that I had to leave for family matters in Brazil for 6 months and in that time he told me he no longer want to be straight, but that he didn't want to be together, and so we broke up.I love him and over the years we've pushed each other away, only to pull closer. We still made love, kissed, and loved each other. I just want to know what to do. I want to love him but I can't. He's afraid of his sexuality. I just need some advice as to should I fight. He was my first and I was his, and whenever we're together the world melts. I just want to know, should I love him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2014): I disagree.I don't really understand your issue. It seems you and him are doing something wrong.If your boyfriend is confused then why are you both continuing to have sex? Is he enjoying this? If your boyfriend is unsure what he wants the best thing to do is to talk to him about it. Does he want to be gay? Does he want to be bi? Or does he just want to have sex?Since you been with him, what in the 6 months made him want to go straight? The main thing is to talk about this with him. Don't pressure him to decide at times like this it's best to let him find himself.You both rushed into this, you decided that because you we're with him at the time you we're gay, however it sounds like he just went along with it. It's not easy to accept sexuality and I think you both need to talk and instead of trying to make him think he's gay let him decide. If love is their naturally, in time he will accept you, he may never decide he's gay, he may just decide he wants a relationship with you. I hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2014): When someone is going through issues with their sexual identity it is a agonizing and confusing process for them.
It is something they have to workout in their own head; and fit into the structure of their family-life, such as it is.
People like your friend aren't really afraid of their sexuality; they are afraid of how they will be perceived and accepted by friends, family, and society. Coming out isn't the same for everyone.
He may seem afraid of his sexuality; because of his moral or religious upbringing. He may not want to be shunned by people who don't understand, or have hateful ignorant attitudes. He wants to be who he really is, but you're pressuring him. You are trying to set the guidelines by which he should live his gay-life. You don't have that
right.
You are pushing for him to form a relationship with you. He hasn't come far enough in his self-acceptance to comfortably form a committed relationship.
He may be happy with things as they are; and doesn't really feel ready to have a relationship. He just hasn't come as far as you have. You will most likely want to make it known to everyone that you are both gay, and he is your boyfriend.
He's not ready for that. You can't push him expecting him to approach things the same way you do.
You need to stop pressuring him to be your boyfriend. Stop analyzing him like you're his therapist. Let him come to you on his own terms, and in his own time. The problem is your impatience; and demanding that he be like you.
Things will go much easier for the both of you; when you back off a little, and let him move at his own pace. If he doesn't want to be your boyfriend, accept that too.
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