A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:there's this guy that I've spent nearly everyday after school with since I was 12. He's my mom's best friend so she don't have a problem with me staying in his apartment until she gets home from work. He's been acting really strange around me latly and he's started asking me wierd questions like if I've ever touched myself down there. I tell him no every time and he always asks if I'd like to know how it felt. I was kinda curious on how it felt so I finally said yes tonight. I told him I didn't want him to see what I looked like down there and he said I could leave my undies on. He put his hand there and if felt really good except for after when he put one of his fingers up inside me and it hurt. He said he was checking if I was wet. I felt really uncomfortable so I left. I don't know if I should go back next week. What should I do, I'm confused! Should I just not let him do that again or should I avoid him all together?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): Tell your mum!! She'll sort it out, and she'll understand if you say what pressure he put on you. He's disgusting!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): Thank you for coming back and telling us what happened.
Telling your mum what happened is important huge hug for being brave and doing this. - we should have warned you she would flip for a short while.
Good idea to show her what we have written.
Thank you for coming back again.
Star .x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): PLEASE TELL YOUR MOM! I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH FROM A FRIST HAND EXPERIENCE. I told my mother the very next time i spoke to her.(my moms boiifriend was babysitting me when i was twelve and asked to touch me i went to my room and spelt with a knife under my pillow). never let anyone touch you. your lets him watch after you cause she feels she could trust him, you need to let her know. this could extend further and really cause problems. yes avoid him but also let your mom know so she can keep you safe!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): No one, male or female, should allow or feel pressured to have anyone touch them anywhere. If you don't want him to touch you, tell him. It's your body and if you don't protect it, who will? Feel impowered, not insecure. If he thinks you are weak, he will react to you accordingly. If you do not feel strong enough to face him, then don't go around him. Seems like you're choosing to be around him anyway. Make a thoughtful and good decision. This decision could potentially positively or negatively impact the way you handle this in the future.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): hi, im not really sure how to do a follow up, but i wanted you guys who have answered know that i told my mom today. She seemed mad and kept asking me how could i let him do that, but after awile she settled down. she's going over to his place tonight to "talk" and I'm being sent to my grama's for the next week until my mom can think of someone else to keep an eye on me after school. thank you for your advice! i showed my mom what you all had to say, she asked me why i felt like i couldn't come to her right away. i still don't know, i think i was scared. thanks again!
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male
reader, MyDestiny  +, writes (14 February 2009):
 oh my god..what is wrong with this world...i cant beleave things like this happen every single minute of the day...im discusted
you really need to tell your mom about this
you're 13-15 and some old dude is touching you down there...that guy's sick...tlk to someone fast
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): hi i cant add more than has been said, except hug. and in summary: Get out of there and talk to mum (or other suitable adult female) what he is doing is wrong on so many levels and you know this. (this is why you have written here). trust your instincts and go. If he persists tell him he is a pervert and kick him in the nuts. for you the sexual awaking is beginning its new and exciting and this is why you are confused. unfortunately its also very wrong. I am not qualified to write on this subject , but i just know its wrong and it will haunt you forever.Hugs OS.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): You do not mention how old this guy is, but like everyone else, I do get the impression that he is far older then you. It does not even matter how old he is, he did something to hurt you! You wouldn't let somebody get away with hurting you in any other kind of way, and this way is even more wrong then any other way and he knows it! You have to tell your mother or an adult that you know you can trust, right away. Your mother will be very proud of you and it will make her feel good to know that you trust her enough to come to her with something like this. If you don't tell, he will know that you are too scared to tell and even if you think you can just avoid him you are wrong. Once he knows that you won't tell on him, he will begin to ask your mom to let him take you places with him and even tell her that he is afraid for you to be home alone so he is going over to check on you and if she dosen't know what happened, she will think he is just being nice and say yes. Once he knows he can get away with it he will do a lot more things the you don't want for him to do. I had this done to me by a close reletive for most of my childhood and I did't tell for a very long time. The emotional damage still affects my current relationships and hunts me to this day. I am 38! Please tell and then let us know you did. I am sure everyone that read this is very concerned. Keep in mind, even if you could avoid him, now that you know what he does, you know he will do it to other children too and he probably already is. I know you are very young, but it is your responsibility to stop him. Be brave!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Omg seek help for this. Talk to your mom right away. Don't let anybody take advantage of you. Remember its your body your choice if you don't like it don't let him do it. You should still be out riding bikes with your friends not being violated. I'm sorry men are such animals take care of yourself I hope this situation gets worked out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Sorry I didn't directly answer your question but satindesire is right you have to stay away from him and I can't stress how important it is that you tell your mom and as soon as possible, before you read any more replies on this site go to your mom and be completely open and honest with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Tell your mom this as soon as you can, if she's around now tell her now, seriously you have to explain this to her, she has to know and soon!
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male
reader, Tomas +, writes (14 February 2009):
anonymous,
though i know this sound scary, I seriously believe the right thing for you to do is to either print this page out, or bring your mom to the computer, and show her this.
you won't know some of the things yet that adults know, but all adults know that what he did was not allowed. what is scary is, if he knows about such rules (and he does), then we do not know what other things he might do that he should not.
the good news is, as someone your age, it is not your job to know how to stop him, or what to do to make the situation better. Parents try to prepare their children for difficult situations like this, but when you are still a child (under 18), it is still your mother's/father's job to protect you. so if something bad happens (whether with boys, or sex, or alcohol or drugs, anything scary or dangerous), what you are supposed to do is tell your mom. (even if you are fighting with her or she embarrasses you.)
now, that may seem even more scary than what happened already. it is hard to look at someone you know in the eyes and tell them something you know they will not like to hear, that may make them hurt or get angry. Even adults have trouble saying things like that.
but you have already done the hardest part, which is opening your mouth (or your keyboard in this case) and putting it into words. you've done the hardest part now, it is out.
i would tell your mom you have something you need to tell her, and you've written it down, and would she read it? she may look serious when she sees you probably a bit scared and gets that this must be kind of serious. then you just hand her this printout or take her to the computer and show her.
it is good that she will be able to look at your writing and have some time to absorb this and think about it while she reads. and it is very good that you just wrote this now, that it just happened now.
i want to tell you that you seem very smart and very brave to me. some people who are not as mature as you would think that they did something wrong, or they did something to cause someone to want to touch them. they would think that they had done something bad, and would feel embarrassed so they would be afraid to tell anyone. none of that is true.
i want to explain something else to you, that your mother will already know. i tell you this so you understand why she will get angry, why she will not be angry with you but will love you, and also what you should do next.
i mentioned to you at the beginning of this answer that there are things that all adults know. one of those things is that, everyone remembers when they first became aware of the sexual part of their bodies. For every single adult on earth, this was a time of confusion and embarrassment for them. it is almost always something that we don't understand, and thus something that we feel we need to keep secret, especially from our parents.
Adults also know that if they find someone young who does not know about this yet, who has not already been a sexual person for years, that they can be sexual with this young person and the young person will almost certainly be too confused or ashamed to tell anyone, especially their parents. this is a way that an adult can get sexual pleasure themselves (even if they do not have sex with the young person) without having to be in a relationship with an adult, and without being discovered.
this might not be so terrible if there was no bad effect on the young person. but young people normally learn about sex slowly, hesitantly, with other young people. like taking swimming lessons before jumping off a diving board.
young people who are sexually involved with adults, though, are basically thrown into the deep end of the pool without a lesson. sexual feelings are very confusing, and everyone needs to be able to decide when to do something, and when not to, so that they don't feel hurt. it is hard to explain this, but adults understand. adults also understand that children are taught to respect adults and do what they say, especially if they are family or friends of family. so when a friend of the family sees a young person, they know that if they try to touch them sexually, the young person will probably go along even if they do not want to. doing things sexually that you do not want to, hurts yourself emotionally. because adults know how to make children do things children do not want to do, it is forbidden to touch children sexually. doing so risks hurting the child this way. (my wife was hurt in just this way, and she is a beautiful and lovable person, but it caused her a lot of pain and tears for years.)
so any parent who finds out that an adult has been touching their child, will understand that the person doing the touching is using these adult secrets for selfish reasons, and is putting their child at risk. they will understand their child is in danger (even if the child doesn't see or understand this), and they will protect the child. and if the parents are angry, they are angry that someone would risk hurting the child they love.
anonymous, i urge you to tell your mother as quickly as possible. you are actually in more danger than you know, or than you should have to worry about at your age. Just know that the second you tell your mom or dad, you are safe. Do Not talk to or see your mom's friend before you talk to your parents, and do not under any circumstances tell him that you are going to tell your mother. Once he realizes you are not seeing him, he may get scared for what he did. You need to tell your mom before you see him, and before he realizes you aren't seeing him.
If he realizes you aren't under his control, may feel scared and either threaten you, or try to make you feel it was your fault. you may know better than that, but he is an adult and he will try very hard to make you feel guilty to try to protect himself. basically, he would almost certainly try to hurt you (physically or more likely emotionally) in order to stop you from telling mom. but the good news is, once you tell your mom, it is too late for him to turn mean and hurt you.
please tell your mom, be as brave as you have been so far, and i think we will all sleep easier once we hear from you that you have.
i mean this seriously, best best best wishes to you, and i wish you a lot of happiness. good luck!
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A
male
reader, Demon_2004 +, writes (14 February 2009):
 I would say that you need to talk to somebody about this. How old is this guy that did this to you. Sounds to me like he is a sick pedophole. You need to talk to somebody that is not your mom. Maybe talk to a school counselor or something.
Just my suggestions
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (14 February 2009):
 Did you say he is your mom's best friend? So he is an adult? If he is, please be careful, and let your mom (and your most trusted friend, if you have one) about it. He may be a paedophile, and according to the law, he is committing a crime against underage children. You are a healthy and curious child, you have done nothing wrong. He is an adult who should be protecting you, not doing things you are not comfortable with. If he is indeed a paedophile, you need to consult with a professional (counsellor, police) to make sure that he will not harm other children. But do this carefully with a professional adult, as you do not want to jeopardize his life/career too.
If you need to stay somewhere while you waited for your mother to come home from work, please stay with another trusted school friend, or if you had no choice, please make sure that you have another friend while you are at his apartment. But do talk to your mother too, I am sure her love for you will put your safety first over anything.
Cat
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): I think that you need to make it clear to him that you were uncomfortable with him doing that in order to avoid it happening again. I definitly think you should stop letting him do that again as you said you felt really uncomfortable and left. You should wait until the right moment when it feels right for you rather than rushing into things.
Hope this helps!
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