A
female
age
51-59,
*ammy
writes:Hi, I need some advice. I have been married for over 10 years and have a 5 year old son. My husband and I have drifted apart since my son was born. He has treated me like an enemy and I feel like I have been drifting further away and with drawn from him. I don't even want to be with him any more. He wrote me a letter last year saying he thought we needed to sort things out or end it. I told him we hadn't given it enough effort and should carry on. Since then I can't get it out of my head that he was looking at leaving. I have put up barriers and can't let them down. There have been lots of issues where he has not supported me, though fertility treatments and serveral miscarriages. In my mind I had moved on and started looking on dingles dating sites. I met someone on the net who I have been corresponding with but have not met yet. I have told him I can only be friends at this stage but think I want to be more. I have written to my husband and told him things are not working and we should separate. He now says he want to give it another try. But my heart is not in it any more, what should I do????? Help please!!
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female
reader, savannam  +, writes (21 February 2009):
That is really tough one, I am in a similar situation although my husband never wanted to leave, we did go through some fertility issues and overcame them. Then we had a family issue that blew up and put him in a deep downward cycle of depression that he NEVER got out of. We had spent all our savings, everything and he still has not gotten a job, not even one that he can keep right now. I finally had it I had to fight to get a job and i am putting boundaries on him. I am not in love with him anymore I am just so done and tired of enabling his behavior, his growth has been stunted and I am just ready to head out the door. I just want to move on because for the past few years, I have been doing it on my own anyway and I figure well crap, why do I need him then?IF you truly are ready to be done, just be done. You have been through this before already, and now you feel like it is not going to work for sure. I wish I could leave right now, but I still have issues and I have to give my marriage one more chance here....but it only gets one chance....I can not help my husband figure his life out but I can figure out mine and that is what i am doing. We will see what happens in the next few years....Financially we are ruined right now and I feel like I am starting over already, and he felt that we are not, we are just not on the same page right now...it is very sad but it just is what it is.
A
female
reader, EzraMayweather +, writes (14 February 2009):
 Well the cris rock theory has proven to be true. Just like he said, if u divorce after 10 years, it has been falling apart after 5. Trully, if your heart isn't in it, you might not want to spend your "Golden" years on something you or him is unhappy with. Life is honestly to short to be anything but happy. Don't look at your child as a number in this equation, because children don't build a relationship....or a marriage. If you feel this deeply about it to even write about it to strangers, honey, throw in the towel. The signs are clear. Move on to find happiness. Have you ever heard of deep vein thrombosis. Its a disease caused by being in a fixed postion for a long tinme, jus a way to show us how important moving on actually is! Good luck sweetheart!
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