A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I had an argument. And I'm extremely pissed right now. We have been dating for 3 months. Off and on. We have not had sex since wednesday night, well we had sex on sunday (but that doesnt count he says). We got into an argument this morning about it. The week before all of this we had sex every single night. For some reason this week I am not in the mood, not really a reason for it, it just gets around to night time and I'm just not in the mood for anything. He is now saying I can't sleep over anymore because I don't want to have sex. So naturally I feel like that is all I am around for. He says he doesn't like rejection and needs time to watch porn since he won't be getting sex from me. Yet he lived with his ex and they barely had sex, he didn't threaten to dump her or tell her she needed to leave. I feel like I am being punished for not wanting to have sex which in turn obviously makes me want it even less. Is 6 days, or 2 days, actually a long time to wait for sex? My ex's were understanding when I got this way as I usually did it everyday, a couple of times even, then sometimes wouldn't be in the mood for a couple of days. I feel used and cheap. And like he doesn't feel the same way about me since he could be with an ex without sex but can't even have me sleep over unless we are doing it.
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male
reader, Starmonster888  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 Using sex as a form of blackmail is low, you shouldn't feel like you HAVE to have sex because when that happens, it stops being pleasurable and it becomes a duty. A guy who finds it difficult to hold out sex for 6 days for his partner isn't necessarily a bad guy, some people just like sex. But a guy who can't hold and out, pressures and some what punishes his girl because of doesn't deserve her. You feel cheap and used because he is TRYING to use you. Stand your ground, even it means leaving because what would you rather lose, you boyfriend or your dignity and self-worth?
Girl-power on this one, there a plenty good men out there, he needs to know that.
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (13 April 2010):
 You are still young and should probably consider moving on. Why be in a relationship with a person who makes you feel cheap and worthless. You should make the changed and stop thinking if he would changed things would be so much different, they never change. If he can't share a bed with you without having sex, than he is not truly in-love with you and might only want you for the moment, not an everlasting relationship. Cut the strings and you will find love, you will find a person who will just cuddle with you without looking for sex. You will find a person who will have a conversation with you while lying in bed.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (13 April 2010):
 The guy is bad news. He doesn't trust you and just as marieclaire said... he's trying to put it back on you. He's manipulative. Leave him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): You said it yourself
''I think if a guy really loved you he would go a month without sex if he knew you felt hurt and he wanted to prove he truly loves you and wants more than just the sex from you, right?''
If a man really loved you he would not use emotional blackmail to get sex. Suddenly, when the sex is denied he starts to 'doubt stuff''. No, that is him making you feel insecure just so that he can get his own needs met.
I suggest you think carefully about this man, his motives and the future of your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk. Well to serenity80, he is actually 29 and has a lot of experience with relationships, far more than I. Also I have discussed feeling used with him. He seems to turn it around and say I am making that up because I don't want sex with him and I'm playing head games. He does not believe I actually feel used or is pretending to not believe it. Then he says he will wait for me and it all seems fine. And then a minute later will text and say "I'm really mad you think I only want sex. I am doubting our relationship" or "I don't understand you anymore". Like he is trying to convince himself or me that it is about something else. Like I am a bimbo. The second sex is taken away for a couple days or I say I'm not sure when I'll be ready since I feel used, he doubts everything. Rather than prove me wrong. I think if a guy really loved you he would go a month without sex if he knew you felt hurt and he wanted to prove he truly loves you and wants more than just the sex from you, right?
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A
female
reader, ashermy +, writes (13 April 2010):
If I were you, I wouldn't have sex with him again until he proved himself worthy of it. Don't even show any kind of remorse about him not sleeping with you because that's what I like to call a cheap shot. He's lying to you to get you to have sex and that's bullshit. You know why you aren't in the mood? Because you have sex every single night. Two days is not a long time to go without sex. If he needs porn after having sex that much maybe he has a problem, or a sex addiction. Don't bring it up though, he'll be really mad if you do. If he really cared about you as a person, he wouldn't care if you didn't feel like it. No one is always up for having sex 24/7.
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A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (13 April 2010):
 you definately deserve better. threats and ultimatums are nasty and cheap. he should want to spend time with you regardless of whether you have sex or not. he is using you and i think you should walk away with your head held high.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 You both are right in your own individual way. Anyway, the problem is not serious. Compromise is in between you, which you both should find out. Everyone need sex, but in relationship- why? Because, relationship is a mutual dependency. Your boyfriend is telling his psychological trouble, which is not faking, but honest and true.
You can see your compromise, provided you will not separate love from sex. There is no sex without love, so there is no love without sex. Both statements are right, because sex and love are two aspect of single coin...life !
I wish you both, my good luck.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (13 April 2010):
I think you really need to try and let him know how you feel without getting in to an argument about it as then he will understand that it is not about him getting rejected, but because simply it is how you have always been and it doesn't change how you feel about him.About him being OK with less sex in his previous relationship. Do you think he could (unknowingly) fear that your relationship is going to end up how his last relationship failed? He might feel rejection from you in not wanting to have sex and feeling that there is something therefore wrong with your relationship.I think it is important for you to get across to him that sometimes you do not want sex, and that if he is a boyfriend who respects you that he should respect that and never give you an ultimatum about not being able to come over, unless you're going to have sex. It is perfectly normal for couples to sleep in the same bed and not have sex every now and again. Your boyfriend needs to mature to learn to deal with his feelings better to understand this. He is still young, and relatively inexperienced in dealing with a relationship - so if things don't get worse, try and give in a few tries to learn to become mature and sensitive to your feelings.I don't think your relationship is dead, but you definitely both need to communicate with each other better and without it turning in to an argument.
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A
female
reader, ohemgee +, writes (13 April 2010):
No, that's not at all a long time to wait for sex. You are not being unreasonable here. He is. The thing is, I think both of you had different expectatioins about this relationship. If before you were having sex with him every day, or nearly every day, he might have gotten used to the idea and therefore became displeased when it stopped. But he needs to take your feelings into consideration, which he isn't doing. If you really like this guy and you feel that there might be a little hope for your relationship, have a talk with him. Lay all your cards on the table. Tell him his behavious isn't acceptable and that he should respect your desire to not have daily sex. If he doesn't want to accept that, then I'm afraid the relationship doesn't have much future. Either way, I think you two may not be that compatible. He's making you feel used. I'd just cut it off, make a clean slate. Tell him you're 'off' for good. If he really wants you back, he'll fight to change. But don't keep your hopes up, it seems this guy is after good sex and that only. Good luck with everything!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 April 2010):
I think this relationship is dead. At three months, you're already one/off and he's saying you can't come over unless you have sex with him. He's not worth your time. He's just after sex, and you need a better man than that.
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