A
female
age
36-40,
*ummaMia25
writes:Hi all! I need some help and fast!I have been with my partner for nearly 3 years (this new yrs eve coming) and we have a 1 yr old son together. We have been to hell and back together we lost a baby when we 1st got together and we also lost twin girls last year august time. He has now gone for a week away to his mums to think our relationship over and i am devastated..i miss him so so much. thing is we argue all the time and are not intimate much anymore since i lost the twins..the man i met is long gone and im not the girl he met either, i dont want to leave the relationship how can i get the man back i fell in love with and spice up our relationship so he wont want to leave?? many thanks xx
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female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 You should have discussed before he left if you would keep in touch during this week, how or how often, can you call him, etc. If you haven't, wait a day or two and call, ask if he needs anything and wish him good wishes, talk also about staying in touch but let him feel his freedom. There are ways to talk without arguing, try and apply them, if it's not working, try harder, arguing does nothing for a couple and of course the intimacy has gone in this case. Talk to him of your plans of making your marriage stronger with his help - naturally, when he is back home. Until then, be kind, be positive, and hope that you will be missing each other and try working on your friendship.
You can't move on from such a loss if you can't accept what happened and each other's way of dealing with the pain, what do you argue about, I suspect it has to do with the loss? - directly or not. You may have become bitter or angered and somehow turned this against each other, instead of focusing on your being together, hoping the pain is easier to bear. Do you feel you haven't supported each other enough or that you have been insensitive to one other? You can try and amend that.
Try to not let the hurt affect who you are anymore to the point where you can't recognise each other or your marriage.
Start opening up and be friends again, there are emotional needs that must be fulfilled - so that you feel closer and at home in the other's company. All the best.
A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (13 April 2010):
 one way might be to book a weekend away together. sometimes a relationship needs some new scenery and a break away from the daily grind for people to rediscover why they fell in love. counselling may be another option, you both have an immense amount of private grief and you may be dealing with it in different ways which is pushing you away from each other. but you do seem to love each other, and with your one year old in the picture as well i definately think you should try your very hardest. i wish you the very best of luckx
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