A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, my best friend has an abusive bf and i dont know what to do to help her. she has bruises up her arm, down her leg, on the stomch and boob because of him. though she says its not his fault, its his ADHD thats doing it and the fact that she 'winds him up'. even if she did mess with his head, thats no excuse to hit girl. so what should i do? should i tell someone? or should i just mind my own business and let her sort it out herself, afterall, it is her life and her body. tyxx
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kenty139 +, writes (16 April 2010):
 having ADHD doesnt make you violent, i have it and im not violet, its more hyperactive.
you really need to help her!
being in a violent relationship can effect them for life!
she needs to get out as soon as.
as for saying its adhd, thats just an excuse. he sounds like a violent person, who hits woman because it makes him feel like a man, when really his a coward!
she needs your help.
A
male
reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (13 April 2010):
 This IS your business. At the moment, your friend is probably in such a vulnerable state that she doesn't realize just how wrong him striking her is. Scarily enough, abusive relationships usually make the victim feel like the culprit which makes them reluctant to tell someone.Luckily for your friend, you know and you've recognized that this isn't right. I suggest you follow this up with telling someone like her mom or dad or whoever you know that SHE can rely on. Don't be tempted to stay out of it because of the way she might react because it's a small sacrifice to pay in order to help her out.Right now, you're her external common sense. Her saying "Its not his fault" is her making excuses for him. The attention deficit and her "winding him up" are irrelevant to the abuse.PS. When I say "rely", I don't necessarily mean someone she likes. I mean someone you know will stop at nothing to make sure she's okay ie. her parents.
...............................
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 The sad thing about abuse is that no one can really stop it but the person that is being abused. You could report it to the police, but it would require her to press charges. At this point, I don't think that she would go along with it. There are a lot of loop holes that an abuser can work their way out of as well when it comes to the court system, so the best way to stop the abuse is for her to leave him.
Unfortunately she is making excuses. She isn't strong enough as a person to realize that she deserves better. The only thing that you can really do is to be there for her. You could try telling a parent so they can possibly persuade her to press charges or whatever, but I don't know how far that would go. In the end, this isn't your fight. As hard as it's going to be the face that, there is only so much you can do about this situation. Tell her that she deserves better and that she needs to leave. If she isn't willing to listen, that's her choice.
I'm really sorry though that you have to see this happen to someone you really care for, but in the end it's up to her to stick up for herself. Tell a parent, tell her that she needs to get of the situation, and you have literally done all you can. And whatever you do, don't let yourself get dragged down in the situation as well. Best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (13 April 2010):
 Help her please don't give up on her eventually she will see what a pain and a jerk he is. Take her to meeting where she can see for herself that she does not need to be with an abusive boyfriend. There are counselors that will help her, be a good friend and don't abandon her now when she most need you, help her find help.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 Please tell someone. Regardless of what affliction he might have, nothing excuses his behaviour. I had a cousin who ended up in the hospital with serious injuries because of a "boyfriend" -- had there not been intervention, I'm quite sure she would have died. Speak to a parent, the police, someone.
...............................
|
