A
female
age
51-59,
*oliefan4u
writes:I am dating a man whom i love. He says he feels the same way for me. We have been dating for 3 months now. He at first acted like i was the only woman on earth for him. He treated me so nice, and all that. Now as i know him, his true colors are coming out. But its too late, i already have strong feelings for him to just bail out. He drills me to the ground for anything he thinks is wrong. FOR example, i was walking home from the store one day and his brother (lives with him) told him he saw me walking. My boyf had a fit and drilled me to the ground for that. He does not trust me although i give him no reason not to, and he argues with me but when i defend myself he says i dont wanna hear it. I feel like im walking on eggs with him. I feel so uncomfortable and he acts like he s**** bricks of gold. He acts like i am just a woman he is bedding. I feel used all the time now...how can i fix this? I feel strongly for him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, joliefan4u +, writes (14 September 2009):
joliefan4u is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi...to all the ladies who answered my post. I dumped him 4 days ago, although it hurts but I deserve much better than that jerk. This last week he insulted me and belittled me. I simply told him he was a stingy, ahole, who doesnt know how to appreciate a good woman. I told him i was tired of how he mistreated me, and basically told him how i felt about his controlling selfish a**. He didnt like it at all, and we do not talk anymore, its over, Im moving on ...He will never find a good woman becuz of the way he acts and treats women bad. GOOD riddance to bad rubbish!!
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 Sweetheart let's face facts here, you have been in a relationship for 3 months and the guy has gone from being Mr Jekyl to Mr Hyde. He basically wooed you and won you and now he doesn't have to try to do that any more. He now feels like he can be the real him and he is basically someone who likes to control their partner. He is obviously controlling his brother who is his look out and reports back to him so that he can score brownie points and then your bf can lecture you. What on earth gives him the right to say to you that you are not allowed to walk. Was this day time or night time? If he said to you, sweetheart, look it is night time and I really don't think it is safe for you to walk home from the store, then I would fully understand that he is looking out for your safety, however, I don't think this is the case by the sounds of things. He is obviously watching your every move waiting for you to slip up in his eyes so that he can reprimand you and put you in your place like a naughty child or dog. You are neither of these things and whilst you have affection and feelings for him believe me if this continues you will find yourself in a cycle of constantly apologising and walking on egg shells for the rest of your life. Don't be a doormat, you are an independent woman who is wonderful and doesn't need a control freak in her life. How ever did you manage to live before this man came into your life eh? You did, is the answer and you reached this point in your life all on your own. Whatever life dishes out to us, we deal with it and even when the c**p hits the fan, we get over it and move on. We are human beings who have an inner strength to cope with life, the ups and downs. I was in a very controlled relationship for almost 20 years and after my daughter was born believe me I found my inner strength and that was really when I started to stand up for myself, I had always tried to keep the peace to the point of keeping my friend's and family out of the way because he didn't like anyone else around us. I am now living my life with my daughter and my ex is my best friend. There are days I want to strangle him but he is a fantastic dad and we always consult one another when it comes to our daughter and we can talk about anything but we basically grew up together. Don't let the rot set in - tell him in no uncertain terms that the control stops now or you walk, simple. If you ever fear for your safety though, let the police know as he doesn't exactly sound stable so do take care of yourself as well. You could always stand up to him when you are in a crowded place or where you have friend's/family around you. You are only going to allow yourself to feel unconfident and downtrodden if you allow this to continue. Keep us posted eh!BFNCountry Womanx
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (4 September 2009):
 It sounds to me like he is extremely insecure, he is possessive, and he's abusive towards you. This is a problem that can't be solved by you. Its basically his problem and he has to get help for himself.The problem with someone like that is that he is purely ego-driven. That means he is probably too self-absorbed and too selfish to consider that you are out there doing things in real life that have no effect on your relationship with him.Someone like that can be a serious problem for you and himself. It also tells me that he doesn't want to trust you.The best advice here is that you need to address his insecurities and his anger issues. The anger is really something inside himself, but he directs it towards you because you're convenient to him and he doesn't think there will be any consequences to himself if he "drills" you ever time.In a relationship, you have to have mutual trust, friendship, emotional connections and security. In this relationship, he is focusing too much on his "wants" and not enough on his own person. When I say that he needs to become more secure with himself. That is, he can't keep blaming you for immature fears and insecurities.If you can get him to start working on himself, and getting him to the point where he is confident both in himself and you, then his anger will subside and he will be under control. Once he can control himself then he can start trusting you.But until he establishes his own personal self-confidence and security, and he focuses on trusting and loving you, it will become increasingly difficult for you to be in this relationship.He's being abusive right now. That's not healthy for either one of you.If he can't get help for this, or he won't try and work on himself, then you should think about getting out of this before it gets worse.
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (4 September 2009):
 You cant really fix it now his got used to treating you this way and your probably used to being treated like this however much you dont like it. He'll never change unless he wants to maybe you should really think about whether or not the relationship makes you happy and if it doesnt get out and find someone who will treat you nice there are plenty out there and you dont deserve to be verbally abused. It will hurt at first but you dont need a guy to live your life be independant
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): I am very sorry to hear that I was in a one sided partnership for a long time 9 and a half years if he acts like this now it will only get worse i know this sound harsh but if you dont want to be his door mate then run would be my advise i only wished i had done it sooneronly you can decide but
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