A
female
age
41-50,
*eartbroken77
writes:I met this guy 8 months ago, things went really fast and I fell so in love with him and unfortunately still am despite the hurt he gave me. After a month of being with him I discovered he lied about a few things and I made it clear that I want honesty regardless how bad it may be but still I caught him in another lie which I don't want to say here. But then from the 4th month I noticed him a bit changed and kinda cold, but he would still tell me he loved me. I kind of got insecure because of his changed attitude, I tried to clear things out but he said things were fine. I told him about a few things like random girls added on the social network website but he kept on putting it off saying he doesnt go there anymore so deleting isnt necessary, but in the end he deleted the girls. I knew he didn't like it if I added random guys online too I avoided that from the start so he won't feel uncomfortable. He had to move to another country after 5 months of our relationship. It was hard to see him go, but he said he would come back.Anyways I found out 7 months into our relationship that he had made a new email address which I didn't know about. Then with that Email address he made a new facebook account with random girls added, I confronted him and he admitted it was his, what hurt the most was he stated himself as single there. I cried a lot and told him it was over cuz he hid that from me and I felt cheated. He apologised a lot and asked me to give him another chance but I said if I want to give him a chance I wanted him to come clean. He said he only made facebook account. But I found out he made a flirt account which really screwed my trust even more, then he was giving excuse his friend set it up but turned he did it, because of all the love I had for him I didn't want to let him go, I asked if there was anything else I do not know about and he said flirt and facebook account was the only thing he did and he had no intention to date girls when he made this new email address which he hid from me, turned out he literally made new accounts on 6 different dating websites. I had enough at this point, but this stupid heart is not letting me let go of him, I know this is not a healthy relationship I am in. But for the sake of my heart I told him we will be just friends and just see how it goes if he could make his trust or not (stupid me, I know) anyways he assured me saying he never went online and stuff, though it is his right to go there, I just wanted him to be honest and to see if he is trustworthy or not, but I saw he added a new girl on facebook, plus I asked him about it and he said he has no idea about it since he hasnt gone on that account for a long time. I am at this point scared to trust him and too scared to believe him as well as letting him go.Though this whole thing that I found out about him of him lying and in my view cheating online just happened a month ago, when I told him that it is best to go separate ways because things will never be ok after what happened and he replied, if he went he will never come back and he said that he is getting sick and tired that my trust is not coming back and he has had enough. I felt a bit shocked in fact to hear that.Once trust is broken it takes time for it to come back, you can't pressure someone into trusting you so quickly. Unforunately I still love him, I am having difficulty letting him go. I don't know what to do? Maybe because I am in this situation I do not see what I am doing clearly. Can anyone please help me, I really need advice about this on what to do? if I have to let go of him then how? and how do you forget someone you loved so much?I keep thinking he could be a nice person and maybe I would miss out on being with someone I feel is very nice (I am losing my mind)I am already feeling so down, please no insults or putting me down I already feel like an idiot.
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female
reader, Heartbroken77 +, writes (20 September 2011):
Heartbroken77 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to Thank you all for helping me with this problem. I told him nicely to move on and I received his email blackmailing me that he would make a new facebook account under my name and post my pictures there and say what I did, I never did him wrong. He said in his email that he will make me pay for playing him, though I never played him. He also said he will let my parents and bro know that I was seeing him and will send my pics of me with him, I never took any porn or nude pics so I am fine there. Because of the culture I am from, it is not accepted to be with a guy without marriage, now I am really stressed out here, How do I handle this situation???
A
female
reader, rile962  +, writes (29 August 2011):
Please be aware that as soon as you break it off, he may try very hard to keep you tangled in his web. Follow anglvette's advice and go cold turkey. Do not let him suck you back in. On the other hand, he may blame you and say terrible things about you. If he does this, pay absolutely no attention to him whatsoever. No matter his response, you need to take care of yourself and only yourself. He does not deserve you one little bit! Take care :D
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A
female
reader, Heartbroken77 +, writes (29 August 2011):
Heartbroken77 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to Thank all of you for your answers, you guys are absolutely right, My health has been going downhill for the past month because of all this and top it all I have one more exam and a dissertation to write, its just too much. Whether I like it or not I would have to forget this ordeal and move on. Though I feel at this point that I would find it hard to trust again.
What hurts is all the love and time I had invested in him going to waste bringing tears in my eyes. I guess time will heal this pain.
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A
female
reader, anglvette +, writes (29 August 2011):
I agree with the previous posts. You have to move on no matter how much you really care for this person because if you put up with too long it's not only going to continue to make you crazy it's going to affect your health as well. There are plenty of other people out there more worthy of you. Don't continue to waste it on someone who doesn't appreciate you and respect you as well. No head games are needed in love. Come clean and tell him you're done and why. Cold turkey him, no msg, email or anything. Just be done and even tho it may seem hard just keep in your mind that he won't change and your life is more important than wasting it away on someone who's on the verge if not already cheating. Good luck and keep strong. Make a decision and stick to it.
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A
male
reader, HelpyMcHelperson +, writes (29 August 2011):
"I keep thinking he could be a nice person and maybe I would miss out on being with someone I feel is very nice" I am truly sorry to have to say this and please do not take this as an insult but that is not going to happen. In fact the opposite is true, that if you stay with him you will miss on being with someone (not him) that is very nice and will treat you with the respect and love that you deserve. The simple fact of the matter is that he is just using you, he does not respect you and will continue to lie to you when it suits him.As rile962 has said you need to find healing for yourself.
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A
female
reader, rile962 +, writes (29 August 2011):
You're not an idiot! You're caught in a spider web which he purposely built to keep you right where he wants you, which is under his control. He is a liar and probably a cheater. This has nothing to do with anything you are or anything you did. His actions and attitude are 100% his problem. Your only concern is to look into the topics of co-dependance and love addiction. You are being played, and you feel crazy because this guy is doing things that drive people crazy, because normal people wouldn't act that way! He may be a sex addict, or a narcissist, or something else. If you want to look into those things, you can. But the point is to find healing for yourself and not worry about who or what he is. Good luck and best wishes.
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