A
female
age
36-40,
*loudysunshine
writes:Hi everyone just looking for a bit of reassurance again. Me and my boyfriend of 5 years have been apart for 6 months now, but I'm not handling it well at all. It was my choice to end it, and now I feel like I'm being punished. I'm on anti-anxiety/depression tablets and seeing a counsellor. I've never liked change and this is the hardest time I've ever gone through. I worry about stuff that I would have laughed at before, and I don't feel ready for anything with anybody else, which makes it worse. I want to feel happy again, and at the moment I can't see that happening. Everything seems so 'dark' and looks 'different'. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare. Please someone help if you can, have never been so down :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cloudysunshine +, writes (18 May 2009):
cloudysunshine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your replies, its nice to know i'm not going crazy lol :)
A
male
reader, Prophet7  +, writes (17 May 2009):
We all go through this a few times in our lives but we need to learn from these experiences. When relationships end it's for a reason. You ended it so he had to be doing something you could no longer tolerate. When I ended my relationship with my love after 5 years of always being there for each other I had good reasons. I only started to regret my decision when I got a little wiser 2 months after we split. I was able to forgive her for things she did in the past and it made me want to try again because I loved her more than anything. She tried to get me back during our time apart but she didn't know if she wanted to be a better woman for me or be single and live it up. Needless to say 4 months after she said she needed some space to better herself for me( I knew it was bs) she started seeing someone else and it turned my world upside down. She had changed a lot over the 5 years we knew each other and it led to me breaking it off. I only reconsidered after I forgave her for the past and it made me see her for the person she was before she turned ugly. To get over the hurt she caused me I had to stop thinking of her as this loving and affectionate sweetheart and see her for the munipulative, selfish person she had become. She used me to get over me. Strung me along for months as an option until she found someone new. Those thoughts helped me get over her in 3 months. Think of all the reasons why you ended the relationship, it will help you to realize that you made the right decision after all. It's natural to feel sorrow after a love is lost. Remember that energy never dies it just transfers. You will love again after you allow yourself to heal and move on. You have to accept that the relationship is over because it is. You will experience a roller coaster of emotions. You'll go through denial, sadness, anger etc.. Then you will finally accept the fact that it's over and you'll be fine with it. Go spend time with family and friends don't sit in your room all day thinking of him it will keep you depressed. He's out having fun not thinking of you. I suggest you start healing, allow yourself to move on because I'm sure he has. Kinda long answer,sorry ;-D. Hope my advice helps you. God Bless... Prophet7Ps. The longer you wait to heal yourself and move on the longer your depression will last. Please take care of yourself and don't let your depression turn into despair. Despair can lead to suicidal thoughts. You have a friend in me, I'm here for you if you ever need to talk. P7
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (15 May 2009):
 no problem hun you take care !!! aphex x
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A
female
reader, cloudysunshine +, writes (15 May 2009):
cloudysunshine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. I have good support networks in my family, and a few close friends that I trust. I just feel so not 'me'. But I hopefully will feel better soon, think I need a little more willpower. Thanks again for the advice :)
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A
female
reader, bellaaddison +, writes (15 May 2009):
I think we have all been where you are at least once... It's a very very difficult time, and I remember the feeling well. The good news is, it passes. Slowly, but surely...
I'll tell you what helped me...I kept a journal. I wrote about my feelings, be it despair, hopelessness, lonliness, whatever it was at that moment. Eventually I started to notice that my journal entries went from grief and self sorrow to anger at him... realizations of what went wrong, what he did or didn't do, etc. and then I started realizing that I didn't deserve to be treated the way I was, and certainly didn't deserve to be feeling the way I was. Before I knew it, I was writing about overcoming it, finding strength and happiness again. The words eventually took form and became my reality. I pulled myself through and even though heartache has come my way since, I've NEVER allowed myself to suffer from it the way I did the first time... I learned from those emotions and my hope is that you will too.
Keep working on getting through it and even though it feels as if you won't, one day you'll be on the other side of it.
I promise!
Best of Luck to you!
Bella xoxo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): It is horrible when you feel like this. No matter what you do, everything seems so dark and bleak, doesn't it?If you have only recently started taking the medication, then it might take a little while until it fully kicks in and starts to help. Persevere with it, and see your doctor again if you feel like it is not helping. If one thing doesn't work, there will usually be something out there that will.It's great that you are seeing a counsellor, and I hope that is going well. I think you should be completely honest about how you are feeling, just tell them what is getting to you. They will be in a better position to help this way.As long as you feel you are getting help from people, then as tough as it is, I think you need to just continue fighting, and keep the hope that you WILL feel better some day, and you will look back on this time as just an unpleasant memory. It happened to me, and I thought I would never feel any different. But I did get through it somehow, and you can too.Take care. x
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (15 May 2009):
i know how you feel your feel like your in a deep hole with no way out and now and again you feel like people kick dirt in for the fun of it.. things will change for the better but you have to help too. it wont happen over night but it will happen. its never a good thing when you break up with someone no matter the circumstances behind it. your worrying about other things because your taking your mind off the real problems. do you have any close friends that you can just pour your heart out to tell them everything on your mind and whats going on in your heart tell them how you feel. and if their true friends then they will be supportive.. keep seing your counceller and taking your tablets and with time things will change.. try and start a hobbie that you enjoy or going for walks do positive subjects and that will help you feel more positive a hobbie is something that you can control and feel safe and secure doing. so take control of the depression and do things you enjoy.. hope that helps aphex xx
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