A
female
age
41-50,
*ulesey
writes:Please can I have advice on how to deal with my husband and his mother, she has always been very reliant on him but in the last few months since he became a house husband, he spends all his time on the phone to her and going round to her (she lives 5 mins away). Everyday there is some problem she needs sorting and now it is my husband calling her up offering to do everything whenever she needs it, even if we are on a day out he will suddenly drop in that he has to pop round to her, it is driving me mad. We have argued about it a few times and he always sticks up for her and says I am being paranoid. Now he does his best to contact her in secret which just makes it worse, I tell him that I should be his priority but he won't listen, it feels like his mum always come first. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (18 February 2016):
 From what you've described, his Mother DOES "come first."
Your question is, "Do you want to be second-fiddle until Mommy passes.... or do you expect your Hubby to man-up and really BE a "husband?"
Answer is your's to provide....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 February 2016):
 I'd say it depends . Are you a housewife , are you at home with him too ? Then , if his mom becomes his reason for not keeping you company, not going out to places with you, not helping you around the house,etc. you are right, he needs to balance more wisely his time, energy and attention between you. He may be a dutiful son, which is good, but he is a MARRIED dutiful son. Which means he can't ditch his obligations to you to be at someone else's toral disposal, including an older parent.
If instead you are working full time- let it be, what do you care at the end of the day ? The poor guy is home alone, there's only so many laundry loads he can do, and only so many TV programs he can watch, -if he's got time on his hands, might as well spend it with and FOR his mom.
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A
female
reader, Honest-Lu +, writes (18 February 2016):
I’m kind of with you. If you are both on a day out and he just ‘drops’ everything for her (unless it’s an emergency) i would be completely fuming. My h2b is very close with his mother he was basically smothered when he was a child so since he has been with me (call me nasty i don’t care) i made him shape up. His mother did everything for him and i mean everything. Now he is with me he does everything for himself. Because i refuse to be a slave! When we 1st moved in together. There wasn’t a day that went by when his mum didn’t call him or he calls her, or goes to see her. I just picked him up on it and over time it gradually just died down and now he is more independent and can go at least a day without seeing or speaking to her.. So maybe because he have only recently became a household husband, he might feel lonely or bored give it time.. it might die down!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (18 February 2016):
 I hope you won't make the mistake of trying to come between a son and his mother. The saying goes "Blood is thicker than water" and its oh so true. He sounds like a caring son. I don't really understand why you are feeling the way you do? My ex husband had alot of faults but one thing I neve could fault him for was the way he treated his mother. I was always taught to watch the way a man treats his mother because its the way he will treat his lady. And its usually true.
I loved my mother in law and was so lucky to have her in my life. After her husband died she was lost and frightened and called my husband alot. We actually eventually moved in next door to her for a time. My husband was always over there, doing things for her when he wasn't working. It didn't bother me, I knew I was welcome too but I also knew that she was alone and needed a man around. I never felt jealous or upset. Do you not have a good relationship with her? Can't you be there for her too?
I have to agree with WiseOWLE..I really don't think you should be acting the way you are. I feel sorry for you if you feel she is competion??
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 February 2016):
 There are times when moms get clingy towards their sons. When sons first reaching manhood and start dating, when they get divorced, when their husbands die, when they are sick and when they know they don't have many more years to live. Given her age I would let her have him. She knows you two have a busy life and the only thing that's emergent enough to get his attention is by asking for help. With the generation gap there's probably no common things they can talk about. She can't be as active as him. So him doing her favours would be the only thing that counts as "quality time." There may be things she physically can't do. There may be things that are quite unnecessary, such as the grass isn't that long to be trimmed. Still, I would let him have her. Mums raise their sons and treat them first for most of their childhood. Let her feel she's first while she's still alive. You can also help her and shift your attention towards her. Be the daughter that she needs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2016): Why are you jealous and angry that your husband is devoted to his aging mother? How selfish of you! If he's a househusband, he's home alone, and he may as well help his mother. I don't understand your mean-spirited post at all.
Why on earth would he have to contact his own mother in secret? This is unbelievable!
If your resentment really comes from the fact he isn't working; then just say so. If you do decide to leave him in all your bitterness, guess who'll stick by his side?
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