A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for close to two years. I am upset , disappointed he didn't get my anything for Valentine's Day. I got him a cute bag with his favorite candy , card , along with shoes. I would of been happy with a thoughtful card. SOME kind of effort. I told him How I was feeling a few days later and HE got mad and thinks I am being so stupid. . We did go to dinner that night , but my meal was paid as he used a gift card he received from my sister for Christmas. So it's not like he had too do anything. I really am not materialistic or "high maintenance". It just really hurt me feelings he didn't acknowledge it with something thoughtful , like my favorite candy bar. I gave him his gift the day before Valentine's Day so he had plenty of time (he was off work) to get me a little something. And no he's not short money. He makes ALOT of money at his job. Almost 4X the amount I make. Am I silly for being dissapointed or feelings hurt because of this ? Thoughts ? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2016): Communication!
When our relationship started 5 years ago, my wonderful boyfriend also got me nothing! Some tears later especially after I made sure he had a special day, is that after I explained what a romantic at heart I am and that special occasions mean a lot to me, well, now HE surpasses me!
He was so creative this Valentine's Day, spoiling me, getting my favorite things, some surprises too, my favorite color in everything and what I've always wanted. He amazed me.
All it took? Me sharing how I felt, showing him by example how it's done, and now he outshines me at every occasion. It's not even about the money spent, it's the thought going into it, the effort, the love.
Teach your guy ;)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2016): I agree that Valentine's Day can be a bit overrated.
But at the same time it goes hand in hand with Birthdays and Christmas and Anniversaries... Like if my boyfriend didn't make an effort to do something for my birthday or christmas of anniversary I'd be hurt too. Similar to how married couples should have date nights once in a while.
I think you should explain to him that while it's not about the money or gift, you'd like to see him plan a special date or surprise you with something little once in a while. Tell him it's your preference and you'd like to see this effort from him. If he truly cares, he will try and make the effort.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (18 February 2016):
 Can I be honest here: you got suckered in by the materialist side of Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day has been turned into a Hallmark holiday so that people buy tons of crap to prove their love for their loved ones. The more one spends, the more one is loved or at least so the theory goes.
Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth.
My guess is that your boyfriend knows he doesn't need to buy "stuff" for you to show how much he loves you. You've been together for two years, so obviously you have a bond and a connection. He doesn't need to prove it by buying you stuff that a week from now you'll likely forget you ever got.
It may be time to think about how you truly feel about your boyfriend. If you see him as a catch because he makes a lot of money and in turn you hope to be spoiled or showered with cash and prizes, then you may not be truly in love with him as much as you think you are. Keep in mind too, that money can be transitory. He may be well off today, but he could be one pink slip away from being just an average wage earner. Would that affect how you feel about him?
Eddie
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (18 February 2016):
No if I were you I'd be hurt too.
I'm a romantic person so I do enjoy things like Valentine's Day, and while I understand that some people don't, I also don't see why some people make such a big deal out of hating it. Yes it's commercial and can be a little bit tacky, but why not?
Of course you love your partner all year round, but why not make a little effort to show them on that one day? I try to show the people I love that I appreciate them all the time, but life can get in the way sometimes so it's nice to have a reason to stop and remind the person in your life that you do love them. Like you say, it takes a tiny bit of effort and doesn't even have to cost anything, so why kick up such a fuss? Half the time people that protest about Valentines Day spend a hell of a lot more energy moaning about it than it would have taken them to do something nice!
Anyway that's my rant over - you'd never believe I'm a single woman would you?! :)
In your case I think you have an extra reason to be upset because he accepted your gifts the day before, yet gave you nothing. If he was so against Valentine's Day then he should have said then and there that he wasn't into it and refused the gifts. But he didn't - he took them, turned up with nothing for you then accused you of being stupid for sharing your feelings with him. I certainly wouldn't say it's worth risking the relationship over or anything, but I'd keep an eye out for other signs of him being selfish and never let him get mad at you for sharing your feelings with him again either. All the best.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 February 2016):
 I would be hurt and disappointed if your being giftless was a sign that he fell out of love, or simply didn't want to put in any effort, if at all during the year. I would not be if he's one of those guys who hate Valentine's day. And that he only celebrated the first two years because you were still dating and he was supposed to impress you.
Also if the dinner you had was sweet, you could still look in each other's eyes and feel the spark, then that's what matters. If he went to the dinner with the attitude of "let's get this over with," or he's constantly checking out the sports on the big screen, or text messages on the little screen, then this is a sign that the relationship has run its course. It's a bigger problem than him not getting you a gift.
I think when people feel comfortable to say to each other, "Valentine's day is a consumerist invention, blah, blah," they should already be very committed to each other and have lots other things to show for love. I do think your boyfriend is very cheap if he used your sister's gift card for that day. It sounds like he rarely treats you until he has to. If he makes a lot of money, he may be one of those who's tight with money, being afraid that women would use him. So he's very careful not to fall in love with any of them.
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