A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm dating my girlfriend for almost 3 months, she's ten years younger, very sweet and caring, but there is a few issues that I'd like to share.She's still in college, sometimes I get worried and jealous about other guys hitting on her!She used to partying/clubbing/drinking more than me, this makes wonder if she finds me boring because I'm not into it too much, and I get jealous and insecure too.I told her about the dream I have to move abroad and she said she doesn't know because she would have to visit another country first to see if she would adapt to a new culture, etc.
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male
reader, liddel +, writes (20 February 2018):
Your insecurity is going to kill this relationship. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. 10 years difference at that age is huge and given what you've said, is unlikely to work out.
Maybe you should walk away before you're any more invested.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (17 February 2018):
 I can't see this working out personally.
You're already worried about things at such an early point and let's be honest you're both at different stages of life. You sound ready to settle down whilst she's still living her youth.
You need to things about things and talk about where you're both up to. You sound like you both want different things.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 February 2018):
 If you are this worried and insecure after only 3 months, it really doesn't bode well for your relationship long term. You either trust your girlfriend or you don't. She cannot control whether guys will "hit" on her or not, but you have to trust she will not take up their offers. If you don't then there is no future for you.
Also it is far too early to be talking about moving abroad as a couple. You don't even know each other after such a short time. Your girlfriend sounds like a level headed lady to tell you she would want to visit the country first and learn more about it before deciding whether she wanted to live there. What did you expect her to do? Just agree to uprooting and moving away from everything she knows because it is YOUR dream?
I suspect this relationship may run its course fairly quickly and one or both of you will decide it is not a long term thing. Perhaps you should look for someone nearer your own age to date so that you have more in common?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2018): A couple things about your post jumped out at me. You've been dating her for less than three months. Not only are you worried, jealous and insecure, but you seem to be pretty possessive for the short time you've dated. It's your dream to move abroad -- not hers. She's still quite young and has a life where she lives now.
"Almost three months" is not enough time to have built a serious relationship with someone. It takes more time than that to know if you're compatible with someone.
As others have said you might consider dating someone in your own age group. That's not to say you still won't find something that will make you feel insecure and jealous. You should try to work on that problem.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (16 February 2018):
 "I'm dating my girlfriend for almost 3 months, she's ten years younger, very sweet and caring, but there is a few issues that I'd like to share." - You shouldn't have this many issues after only 3 months."She's still in college, sometimes I get worried and jealous about other guys hitting on her!" - Would you not be worried about an older girlfriend getting hit on at work? Can't avoid jealousy? Don't be with her."She used to partying/clubbing/drinking more than me, this makes wonder if she finds me boring because I'm not into it too much, and I get jealous and insecure too." - This is a lifestyle thing, common with such a big age gap. If you can't deal with it, you're dating the wrong age group."I told her about the dream I have to move abroad and she said she doesn't know because she would have to visit another country first to see if she would adapt to a new culture, etc." - First of all, it's SENSIBLE to try the country before committing to moving. It's also not her dream, it's yours and you'd need to find someone in a stage of life where they WANT to move.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2018): I'm going to add this. You can teach her what she should expect in a man. You can also show her, through example, how to trust, earn trust, and maintain a full-fledged relationship.
Barring her age, she will develop better than some young woman who has to deal with guys chronologically her age, but naturally less mature. You can't always keep her entertained, you might fall-behind on the latest lingo or trends; but kindness, affection, and respect never go out of style.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2018): If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. You want a college-girl, then accept what comes with that age-group.
Jealousy is a natural emotion. We all have a little bit of it. When a relationship is in its infancy and it isn't quite established; there's a little apprehension and uncertainty about how your partner behaves and how others behave with your partner. Time will justify your trust. Meanwhile, pretend all is well. She still deserves to be her age!
Once you two committed to each other, there is supposed to be at least a modicum of trust between you. Offering a starter-dosage just to get things off the ground. Part of committing and being exclusive is openly declaring to others that you are taken and monogamous. There's a spoken and unspoken understanding to maintain and honor this trust when you're apart. So you have to be hands-free and take a risk.
Here you are, the older and more experienced of the two; and you're being territorial and insecure over your "property."
You'd have a weak argument to refute my assumption; if you go by what you've said in your post.
People don't suddenly become invisible, untouchable, or unattractive to others; because they're now your committed-partner. They don't lose their humanity, and the faults that come with being human. So you adjust your feelings to deal with being in a relationship and to the attributes and faults that other person has. You apparently can't keep up, but she's dealing with it. It is likely if you can attract a girl her age; other women might check you out too. So I guess you better put a bag over your head and walk around in a potato sack. Man, seriously?!!
You're the guy in the relationship. Between the two of you; who's more likely to cheat, if we go by averages?
I think you should settle your nerves, manage your jealousy, or find a woman closer to your own age.
If your discomfort and insecurity isn't checked; it will be reflected in your behavior, your moods, and how you treat her. Being more experienced, what you say and do would make a more of a serious impact on her emotionally and psychologically; than someone closer to her own age.
Your more-developed psychological make-up and maturity gives you a 10-year advantage over a girl just ending her adolescence!
You're expected to be more mature and stable. You've had more experience being in relationships; so you're basically teaching her how to. Seems you're starting-off on the wrong foot. If this is your first real-relationship; your arrested development isn't her burden to carry.
To put it simply. Get a grip, man!
If you want to rob the cradle; be man/adult enough to deal with it. Make it a great experience for her. Be the one she remembers as the best guy who has ever come into her life! I doubt this will last if you stay on this path; but if it does last, make it worth her jumping 10 years ahead of her own maturity.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2018):
 She is 10 years younger which means she has 10 years LESS experience in EVERYTHING than you.
You have dreams about working or travelling overseas, WHY not make them a priority? Instead of trying to make it HER dream too? That is not how it works.
Some people are adventurous when it comes to seeing and trying new things (like travel, food, work) and some are not, HER being SO much younger than you might means she hasn't GOTTEN to that point in her life OR it's just not part of HER dreams.
She is in college! OF COURSE other dudes are going to hit on her! She doesn't wear a sign around her neck that says "HAS A BF!!". And YOU, don't own her.
I think you might want to consider dating someone more your own speed whom you have more in common with and who are at the same level and place in life. It might not feel so "uneven".
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (16 February 2018):
 Ten years is a bit age gap at your age. You're in completely different stages of your lives. She's at the partying college stage where she does not know what she wants and needs to experience the world.
You shouldn't be jealous and you can't really expect her to not go out or to not get hit on (that isn't anything she can control). What if you live together and move to another country and you work separately? Will you be jealous of the possibility of her getting hit on at work too?
You need to deal with your insecurities and have a think about if you're right for each other based on where u are in life.
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