A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've been seeing a guy on and off for the last nine years ... a long old time. We got together when we were still at school, I'm 25 now. After an 8 month break we got back together in June 07. In the past we have both hurt each other - we have both cheated. But don't judge! we were really young when we first got together. We have had crazy ups and downs but always end up back together. When we last got back together I made him promise that certain things had to change, i.e. he had to be more reliable, no more letting me down at the last minute and if he wanted to spend time with friends etc rather than me it was fine so long as he called and told me rather than leave me waiting just beacuae he doesn't want an argument. He can be very selfish. At first things were amazing, we had never been so happy and were even looking for a place to move into together.But gradually things have changed - he goes out a lot as he is a DJ but I think he goes out too much, and the unreliability is as bad as it has ever been. He knows how much this hurts me as just a few days ago I wrote it all down for him so that he could see why I get so upset.I have become insecure and needy and I hate it. He says he sees a future for us and he always tells me that he loves me - and I do believe him. The sex is still amazing but recently its the only time I feel close to him.I feel like he should be more committed and that he treats me poorly - I do EVERYTHING for him!! But the way I go about it (either shouting or crying) does not seem to be working.What on earth can I do to get the old spark back and spend more time with him without feeling like I'm forcing him to?I love him so much and I cannot be without him, I'm literally at my wits end. All I seem to have done for the last two weeks is cry.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, selflove-always-first +, writes (28 October 2007):
 Oh baby girl, I got it. You wanna get his attention. Here is: Stop doing everything for him, stop chasing him. Men respond to pain and voids wich means when he misses you he will make up his mind. Start having your own life,become unpredictable = lust and sexy, predictable=boring and mom, don't nag him, become scarce, like a rare unique stone and you'll see how when you behave this way he will respond. Don't fear, don't be needy, you don't need him, you desire him. You'll see how atractive you'll look to him and do this every time it happens chances are he may even will marry you. Cause right now he has you under his thumb. He needs the chase, so do him that favor. Trust me girl, TRUST ME, I'm married for 6 years and still keep him gessing and he loves it cause I'm not a nagg, boring wife.
A
female
reader, Yogichickk  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 One thing for sure, do not cry or shout in front of him. It did not work.
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A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Dear Anon
Some relationship are difficult to sustain, because you have been with him for such a long time, your not doing badly, some married people dont last as long as you have, the sad bit is that you are the only one in your relationship who is trying to make it work, it is no good upsetting yourself, it may make things worse, you need to have another talk with him and tell him that if he does not contribute to this relationship and change his way, then you wont be around for him any more, see what his reaction is,if he react in a negative way then i am sorry to say he does not love or respect you as much as he should, if sex is the only thing keeping him with you,then you are wasting your life,things will not get any better,if he cannot find it in him to make your relationship work, then maybe it is time you went into a relationship were the person you love will love you back and show you the same love and respect you justly deserve.
i wish you luck
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A
female
reader, ladysuzanna  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 you relationship sounds like my only mind is worst do like i going to do respect is important you have been with this guy for nine years that a long time i have been six the day i moved in with him three years ago the moster came out yes i was hurt has you are i did so much and he never thank me sex stop affection but after crying shouting i realize he does not care when we love someone he cares about you show respect and that's from the day we meet your's is selfish so is mind yes and my likes to go out a lot to you know there always signs from the begin but sometimes we love so much we don't see do your self a favorite walk away your so younge you can find good guys this guy will never change and i double many women will want him his love comes and goes and my also plays music i think that the worst kind of man a woman could meet you will not died if you leave him yes it will hurt let your heart mend the sun will shine and you will me someone else again take it from someone is a lot older and i have live it before this is the second time around but once it all over and you look back you will not love him but hate him for all the times he hurt you i lived that for three years and i can anymore sometimes it helps to have a good friend that's a good lister becomes that helps a lot good bless and good luck and if you want to talk use my e-mail and i have msn you have my e-mail to contact me
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