A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid..Before I got together with my current girlfriend, I wasn't ready to get involved in a serious relationship. My life was in a mess and I promised myself that I wouldnt get involved with anyone until I had sorted things out. I had made the mistake before of thinking a relationship can fix a messed up life, and it cant- A relationship should compliment an already happy life. I knew that. But when this girl came along, she seemed like an opportunity too good to miss, so I went against my own promise and here i am, in a serious relationship- and still very unsatisfied with my life. Shes the best girlfriend ive had- all the important things are there- trust, support, communication ect. But I've found myself getting irritable with her because I feel tied down by a serious relationship when I need to be sorting my life out. Whilst she isnt stopping me- relationships obviously require effort, effort which would otherwise be going towards getting my life back on track (which, at this point in my life, i cant afford not to..). I dont want to break up with her.. I feel i could regret that. But what else am i supposed to do? If i tell her i want a lot more space, does that not risk us drifting apart? I'd really appreciate any alternative opinions or views on this dilemma im facing. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, many thanks for the replys. I have spoken to my g/f about the issue. Shes said shes willing to give me space, do what she can to help ect and i really appreciate that.
However, at present, my gf is about the only good thing I have in my life. Whilst this may sound romantic, its making me feel a little dependant- I would like to have more friends, a better job, and develop my self a little more. These where things I had planned to do before going into a relationship. Since I'm in one now (and dont want to break up), I feel the relationship is taking up most of my time and attention.. when i also need to be developing other things to create more balance.
Whilst i would not say she is 'clingy' by any means, it does still feel naturally hard to break away a bit and get some personal space once a relationship sets in a certain pattern.. So i guess i worry that a fair bit more personal space to do 'my stuff' will put a strain on the relationship.
I guess ile just have to see how things go. Thanks for the advice. :-)
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Two things might help. Counseling. For you. Alone. So you can talk to someone about what's bothering you, and arrive at some conclusions and answers that may give you fulfillment. The other is to sit her down and tell her what you've told us. She may be great help in making you feel like your life can be sorted out as a couple. She may even offer to give the relationship a break for awhile. If neither of these things work, you are probably just too young to be involved with anyone at this point in your life and you'd do be doing yourself and her, a big favor by breaking it off and being on your own for a few years. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Jayne1983 +, writes (19 October 2007):
Hi,
Can't she help you sort yourself out thats also what partners are for support and guidance when things are tough. Don't break up with her if you don't want to you will regret it. If you did ask for extra space it depends on how long your asking for an a couple of hours here or there or weeks at a time?
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