A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We have been talking for about 5 weeks now.We are about a 2 hours drive away from each other.We are not in a relationship, just been talking.He has already said he loves me we have sexted and we are planning on meeting up soon.I want to know what we are, and what he is wanting out of this situation.But I am a little scared to ask the question...I know if he says a relationship I will be happy, and if he says a hook up I will be disappointed.my main question is How much longer should I wait to ask him where he sees this going?I don't want to ruin Christmas, as I do really like him.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 January 2017):
 Sexting so soon and him telling you he loves you is a huge red flag. You barely know each other, he either wants a hook up or is going to be very clingy. You need to ask him and be prepared for him to use words to try and get a hook up. I would love to know how things went between you over Christmas.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 December 2016):
 I agree, you two are doing this backward and that is not a good thing.
Sexting is for people who ARE established (IMHO) and "ILY" are for people who ACTUALLY know each other (that means in person too).
You two might meet up and have ZERO chemistry. You might find that you are NOT interested or attracted.
So I'd suggest you two meet up half ways for an afternoon, like lunch or what not. Spend some time together and see how it goes and feels. Make sure it's in public and you have a WAY home.
I think when a person (be it make or female) use the term I LOVE YOU this soon, it's a little desperate and a red flag. Why? Because you can feel a strong attraction, you can have a crush or infatuation - but love? It takes more. I find (especially after reading SO many posts on DC) that people who toss out the ILY early on, burn out fast and then move on to someone else. They are trying to make things HAPPEN that may not be there. OR.... they are trying to make the other person feel like they now OWE them something, like intimacy, sexy pictures... whatever, because they said ILY.
I say, meet up, see how you feel THEN decide what YOU want. If you want a relationship with HIM, then ask. THAT way you know where you stand.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 December 2016):
 You've never met? And he says he loves you? That's really strange behaviour, I'd proceed with extreme caution.
Like youcannotbeserious said, he doesn't know anything about you. He's never even seen you or spent time with you so how can he be in love?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (25 December 2016):
 Honestly? 5 weeks is way too soon to be sexting and talking about "love". He's either naive, just wants a hook-up or is fairly desperate.... none are good. In future, avoid sexting until you're an actual couple, unless you only want to hook up.
As for this guy, you need to ask him outright: what do you want from this?
If he says a hook-up, cut contact. If you meet up for dates, he'll probably expect some sexual stuff, so I'd suggest being clear that you don't want that yet, as that's all it'll become.
Don't wait. Ask.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 December 2016):
 Please be careful. You know nothing about this guy. You only know what he wants you to know. He could be completely different from what he makes out to be. If you are going to meet, please meet in public for the first few times, and please don't get yourself stuck anywhere with him which could put you in danger if he turns out to be a nasty piece of work. Alarm bells always ring for me when someone who hasn't met someone else (as in your case) tells them they love them. That is just bull and, to me at least, is a way of getting the other person hooked on them. Please take what he says with a pinch of salt. He does not love YOU. He MAY feel he loves the fantasy he has created but he cannot love you yet. I worry that you are so easily falling for something a guy you have never met tells you on the phone. Please PLEASE be careful.
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