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female
age
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anonymous
writes: Im in a very tough spot in life.....What can i do, if I simply run out of energy taking care of others problems around me ?My life got out of hand a few years ago, living in personal hell.I can't list the things I' dealing with, because most people can hardly believe it.Just a rough list of things, in the last few years, and now. Death of a child, health problems, serious mental problems with an other child. Marital problems. Financial burnout. And much more. Like almost everything what can go wrong. I'm in intensive therapy for traumatic life events . My counselor, wants me not take on more stress, because of my own health.. but it is just looking impossible and i'm on the breaking point. Yet and here comes the dilemma. What should I do with dying parent? I can not care for him physically or emotionally. If I take on one more thing, maybe i cant find energy to take care of my own life. But my family cant understand this and guilt tripping me that im ignorant . They have zero compassion for my problems. Im not weak. i have a lot to deal with but i have no more energy left. What can I do to save myself from guilt when I have to put myself first to stay alive, and be here for myself and my immediate family?
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female
reader, Ima FreAk!  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 Hiyaaaa,Despite the age difference I’m only 17 I feel exactly the same way as you do. I literally care sooo much about other people like my friends and family that I forget to leave time for me. I want to help them so much, their happiness is the only reason why I’m living and that seriously has hurt me because I end up hurting myself an awful lot!But what I’ve learnt is that you gotta let go of things. Let it go. Take the dying patient, you can’t do anything about it but there is one thing. Guide it safety to its next life, make the patient happy, smile, fearless because you’re making them realise that dying is not a scary thing. The guilt may be there but remember that you’re helping someone and nothing last forever.Even superwomen needs a kit kat sometimes, you gotta have a break. I strongly recommend you to spend this week trying to do what YOU wanna do. Take a break, relax and most importantly find yourself, find your true self because you’re literally a mess. Meditate; exercise do yoga whatever keeps your nerves down.I know things are hard for you but how the hell can you help someone if you haven’t sorted your own problems out? So find yourself, start over remember honey it’s not to late to start over again, refresh your life, you don’t have to fight with those inner demons because if you believe in good things, then good things will happen to you. Start being positive and live each day step by step and live it to the full! Terribly sorry for LONNNNNNG advise but you will get there, just hang in there sunshine because miracles can happen!Hope my advice helps!Good luck and UPDATE!!!!!!! :) - keep smiling!Lots of love and good fortune,Ima FreAk!x
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reader, happy140  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 "But my family can’t understand this and guilt tripping me that i am ignorant. “ Ignorant of what? I have people in my life who think they are stressed to the limit and want my understanding or sympathy or what ever they are looking for. Ninety nine percent of the time I have NONE for these people, why? Life is hard, it is very hard, and we need to learn to ONLY work on the things we have control over. So many people stress over stuff, especially in family problems, over things they have NO CONTROL OVER, no matter what there is nothing they can do, yet they feel they need to carry and worry about it. An example, my daughter has an issue with my neighbor, I could stress over the issues it could cause but I have no control over the outcome and the issue is none of my business. Do not keep someone else stress. Take a look at all the stuff you are concerned with daily, how much do you really have control over? What would happen if the very worst thing happened, is whatever that is worth worrying about? Life is hard only take on what you can handle and NOTHING MORE. As for a dying parent (been there) you do what you can, NOTHING ELSE. If you have the total capacity to have them close 24/7 then do it, if not then do what is needed. Do not do it because you feel guilty about your choice if you do not. We have to forever live with our decisions and caring guilt about them shortens our life. Do what you can, you know that deep inside the person your caring for only wants you to do what you can and wants you to be comfortable in that decision. Your choice is between you, the person directly involved, and NOT other parties. They may say it affects them this way or that that way, tough, you do what you emotionally and physically can handle and that is all and feel NO guilt because of it. If you do not take care of yourself someone else will have to take care of you. Feel no guilt EVER for doing the most and best you can.
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female
reader, Julliet  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 Ok, stop letting others dictate your life. You are in charge so start taking charge. Do you have siblings? If yes, let them share the responsibility for your dying parent. As for your husband let him share half the responsibility for your kid with mental health; he's the father and is responsible for have of the tasks. As for the loss of your child...this is a time when your family should be there for you because losing a child is unimaginable. I couldn't fathom that. I am a single mother with two kids and I couldn't imagine losing one of them, so I feel for you. I will pray for you. I want you to know that you should let others interfere with your feelings...don't let anyone guilt you into anything. You are struggling with a lot and if they really care for you they will be there for you instead of making you feel guilty. (LAY DOWN THE LAW) if you need to talk to someone you can email me and I can give you whatever advice you may seek. good luck!
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reader, cupidus +, writes (16 April 2011):
 Firstly know that guilt is a non action emotion.It only sits there, unmoving and deteriorates motivation.If one feel truly guilty they need to search for forgiveness with others or withing themselves. You must forgive yourself.Remember the Serenity Prayer, say it often.You say you are NOT WEAK, like you have something to prove.That usually is based in the need to validate yourself.You don't need to validate yourself, if you do you are living up to anothers standards and that is living for someone else. By admitting weakness you will be able to make not only better choices but better limitations. You will have to learn to set priorities and let go of the rest of the burdens that are no longer useful. To identify those burdens you will have to really think about what is no longer serving you. Guilt for sure may be one, seeking validation yet another, over compassion turned into co-dependency, past trauma that can keep you in the past keep you believing in unnecessary beliefs.Change your beliefs, let go that which no longer serves you.This is a challenge because turmoil can be so overwhelming that you don't know where to start. Start with the guilt let that go.
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male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (16 April 2011):
Wow, first of all let me say that I'm sorry to hear of the things you are going through. I can't begin to imagine what it is like going through all of those things compounded together but I can only assume that some may partially be the result of the others.
I know you don't wish to put up details about this and understandably so. I will try to fill in any blanks myself. First of all your counselor is right, you don't need any more stress. If I were a millionaire I would buy you a 1 week cruise for two, tell you to take your husband or your BFF and have a great time. As it is, a millionaire I am not.
I digress. Ah yes, fill in the blanks....it sounds as if you could have maybe been giving primary care to your dying parent while juggling these other issues. Well, your other family has no right to judge you on you wishing to protect your health. If you have been filling several pairs of shoes at once without any help from them then they for damn sure don't have the right to belittle you for wishing to escape from all of the stress.
You are approaching your limit and at a rapid pace. These are extreme circumstances and the effects of these extreme circumstances can be extreme. Extreme times call for extreme measures; you HAVE to take care of yourself and your health, PERIOD. It sounds as if you have sacrificed so much for the good of your family. I really do not know how you feel or what you are going through but I would like to think that if I knew I was close to my limit in this manner I would make an example out of someone. What I mean is, the next time one of them called trying to drop a guilt trip on me or make me feel like I am wrong I would LET THEM HAVE IT. Sure, it would probably hurt someone's feelings and/or embarass them but sometimes people need to be humbled, aye? Show them the wrath of God and they'll back off then you have your breathing room. I'd tell them that if they want to complain so much then they need to get their asses into the situation and help.
Again, these things are what I like to think I would do, and also I say these things on the information you gave. Good luck and please take care of yourself. Get some R&R at the first opportunity, spoil yourself, get a good you going again. You need this, and most of all, you deserve it.
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