A
female
age
30-35,
*arna
writes:i really like this boy at college, and i no he likes me too as hes told me, we flirt all the time and we recently went on a residential trip with college and we was together all the time, everyone noes we like each other and asking why we are not together.. but there are two problems, i dont fancy him all that much, i think its his personality that i have fallen for and how much we get along, do you think im being really shallow?
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female
reader, larna +, writes (10 June 2011):
larna is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your advise, but also im scared that if i just give it a go but then i realise i cant do it, that we wont be friends any more and everything will be so awkward and i dont want to loose him.
i dont think i am leading him on because we have talked about it loads and i have told him i need time to think about what i want and he has said he just wants me to be happy...
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 I am with Oscar Wilde on this " It's only shallow people who do NOT judge from appearances " :)
But, suppose you ARE shallow. It is what it is. What are you going to do, slip in bed with a man you are not attracted to , or maybe find repulsive, and jump his bones, just to prove to the world how deep , mature and enlightened you are ?... I hope not !
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (10 June 2011):
Just take a little more time. If your connection and chemistry grow over time, eventually how he looks will lose its focus for you, and you will just be into him. If you get to that point, go out with him. If he wants to know what is going on, be honest with him. You can even tell him you think he is great but there isn't enough of a connection, but you want to give things a little more time to see if one developes because you think he is great, but if not he will get stuck in the friend zone, and see what he thinks. Direct responses are often the best.....
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A
female
reader, mayhem321 +, writes (9 June 2011):
 You're not shallow at all. I fell for my boyfriends personality not his looks, in fact all my friends think look wise I could do better than him. I think personality is more important in a relationship, looks fade away and people grow into looks! Basically personally I believe that looks shouldn't matter too much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011):
Yes, you are being shallow. but it is in your rights to be shallow. You say there are two problems. One is his looks. What is the other?
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A
male
reader, wantspaintogoaway  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 I say you go for a relationship. I am good looking, but i never go for very attractive women. I fall for their personalities, which is where it really counts in the end. I wish you good luck and dont leave him in the dust just because he doesnt look like prince charming
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Your not shallow at all. Relationships are built from a personalltiy connection along with physical attraction. In my opinion the relationship will always feel like it is lacking something if you don't have both of these parts although they do vary dependent on the time in your life.
It sounds to me that you are being very realistic with your feelings and that you know what you want in a relationship which doesn't mean shallow.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 You're not shallow, but it is mean to lead him on and flirt with him when you don't like him all that much. Have fun as friends, but leave flirting for someone you're actually interested in.
Some times when we fall in love though, people start to look better as we put on the rose tinted glasses. Maybe if you fall in love with him the looks wont matter. If you have a tendency to be that way, to not like how guys look initially but warm up to them, it might just be the way you are. If this is not the case, then stop flirting with him! If you don't fancy him in a romantic way then you got to stop leading him on, it's just not nice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): I don't think you are being necessarily shallow... people always told me physical attraction (or sexual attraction) is important. Believe me, it is.. my husband won't come near me and I really think it is because he isn't attracted to me, and it has taken a HUGE toll on my self-esteem. BUT, I do think you may grow to fancy him because of his personality.. but deep down, and I feel bad saying this, physical attraction is pretty important. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Sounds like you found a gent to be in the AWESOME FREIND ZONE!! Sometimes we meet people we really click with, but have no chemistry.
Enjoy the FRIENDSHIP!
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