A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have broke up from a 2 year relationship. It was my decision. He would not stop visiting datimg sites and always lied to me about it or said he went on them because I nagged him all the time. Now, the same account he said wasnt his is still there with his picture up. I know for a fact he's been meeting them. I know I dumped him because of it, but do I have the right to feel anger towards him? How do I stop the anger towards him and get rid of the horrible memory of it all?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012): you should be saying good riddance and be happy that he`s gone. if he was on a dating site and in a relationship at the same time then that makes him a cheat. rejoice! the garbage has now gone from your life.
A
male
reader, Byron Temple  +, writes (1 December 2012):
You ended a relationship with him because he was on a dating site. He has carried on with that dating site , and even put his photo on it. He doesnt think any more of you now then he did back then. That is not someone who`s learnt his lesson, like I think you was hoping he would. It is someone who wants a girlfriend regardless of who it is, just as long as he`s got a girlfriend. This should tell you that he is not worth the negative energy. With or without his dating site, he was a bad investment. Forget him, and stop stalking his profile. You are inflicting the negative thoughts upon yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): Considering what has happened, you are bound to feel angry and hurt. You dont sound like you are over it yet. You do need to listen to the same advice everyone has given you. Stop looking at his dating site profile and forget him. He is, who he is, and not what you wanted him to be. You are worth far more than this.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (30 November 2012):
 Hi,
You have the right to feel how you want. They are your emotions. Why not wake up tomorrow and decide that for Saturday, "I am going to have a good day." Be mad on Sunday or Monday, but make the decision that for Saturday, it is Good Day time. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (30 November 2012):
He will have caused you enough hurt and grief when you was with him. You are causing yourself that same hurt and grief to continue now that you are not with him. You know he`s on dating sites so leave him where he is and get someone else, who`s totally different and will treat you better.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 November 2012):
 you have the right to feel what you want but the fact that you are torturing your self checking on him is nuts.
he is your EX why do you still care what he's doing?
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (30 November 2012):
Stop following what he is doing, if you know it`s going to wind you up. You know he likes dating sites, so move on to someone else who doesn`t. "You" are stopping yourself from going forward with your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): You spent two years with him, he lied & was on dating sites. Even though you broke up that doesn't mean you're not going to experience all kinds of feelings. In time, they will go away. Do yourself a favor & cut off all contact & stay off the dating sites, I know how much it hurts to see someone you care for searching for someone else. You deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): Don't waste your brain juice on him, OP. Be glad he's not your problem any more.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): U should be glad to see the back of him. He was on a dating site when he was with u, so what's different now? He isnt worth it.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (30 November 2012):
 He aint doing anything different now then he was when he was with you. Do you like feeling angry? if not, then stop punishing yourself by checking up on him and move past it.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (30 November 2012):
 No contact and no checking up on him is the best thing for you. You knew all this all along so why do you keep needing it confirming?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): Stop checking up on him for one. Why are you doing that to yourself?
OP you should have initiated a no-contact rule and no contact also means no checking up on him. So either stop that or just accept you're the one who is making you angry.
Seriously, don't moan and complain about this, if you weren't so nosy you'd be doing better now but it's going to take time and it will take a lot longer if you don't control your snooping.
Do you really want to stop being angry and erase the memory of this? Then stop fecking checking on him OP? Just don't, any time you get the urge put on some music, go read a book, go for a walk, step away from the computer. Stop torturing yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): You mean you are angry because he has proved himself the liar that you knew he was? Yes, I can see why you are angry. As it really is, you need to put it down as a bad experience forget him and move on. He has only shown you what you already knew.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (30 November 2012):
 Hi
You shouldn't feel angry, you dumped him, and with good cause. He has only proved that you were right about him by being on the site still.
Clearly he wasn't happy in the relationship or thought he could get away with it till he found someone. Stop the stalking, don't check up on him because your only hurting yourself.
Put him behind you, you know the truth just leave it at that and start the healing process.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 November 2012):
 Well, you can be as angry as you want at him and for him to already be dating again.
The thing is, a person who goes on dating sites when IN a relationship is ALREADY disengaging and looking for greener grass. So basically he dated you til he thought he could do better. Who knows he might even have met up with them while seeing you.
So yes, you can be mad, but is he REALLY worth carrying around all the negative emotions? It's not like your anger makes a difference in HIS life, only yours. And in yours, isn't it holding you back from finding a guy who CAN treat you the way you deserve?
A guy who will blame his GF for his actions (your nagging made him go on dating sites) is a coward and a selfish bugger.
How do you stop being mad? Well, think on it. Anger does nothing good for you - accept that you dated AND dumped a guy who wasn't capable of being honest, owning his actions and not really able to work on a relationship. So he wasn't a keeper... It happens.
Learn from it and move on. It won't be anything you will forget any time soon, but it does get better in time. And remember HIM going on dating sites WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. That was HIS choice. YOUR choice was to dump him. I think yours is better.
Before I met my husband, I dated a total McDouche. When it all came to head, and I found out WHO he really was and what he was up to, I was mad. Mostly at myself. Mad for not seeing just how rotten this guy was. You know, the whole, I should have listened to my friends and I should have known... And it took me quite a while to stop blaming myself. After all, like you when I DID found out I DID end it.
Also, STOP stalking his dating profiles, stop calling/texting him. NO MORE contact. He isn't worth it.
Write him a letter - let it all out - then let the letter sit for 3 days. After 3 days you read it and then burn it or tear it up. Reality is you can not CHANGE this guy. He can't become the good guy you wanted him to be.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (30 November 2012):
 Of course you have got reason to feel pissed. You have got even more reason to be celebrating the fact that he`s gone from your life now. He didnt seem like a very good boyfriend to you so look ahead instead of looking back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): Well no not really, you don't have the right to be mad at him over this anymore. This should have only affected you when it was going on in the relationship, but you've already ended that for the better. So what he does now with his time is his business. Did you think if you dumped him he'd realise what he's lost, and come back to you a changed man?
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