A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf for 1 and 1/2 years. He keeps me hidden from all aspects of his life. He doesnt want me to be around his friends, co-workers or his family. I have only met 3 of his friends and recently met some of his co-workers only because I showed up at a resturant they were having a party at. He very rarely spends the night and usually only comes over at night for movies and leaves after. We never spend more than a few hours together at a time. We never cook together or have meals together unless we go out to eat. We dont spend Holidays together and he avoids spending time with my son. He lives at home with his parents so I am not allowed to come to his house. He recently started keeping a very close eye on his cell phone and freaks out if I touch it. He asks to read my text messages and refuses to let me see his. I have told him that I need and want more commitment from our relationship and all I ever get as a response is soon, or someday. He makes promises he never keeps. Nothing about our relationship feels normal to me. I feel like I have to force him to move forward at all. Its gotten to the point that I cant even pretend to be happy anymore. I tell him I'm miserable and he says I can leave if I'm that unhappy. I love him with all my heart and I really want to make this work but I feel like I'm just wasting my time and effort. Stay or leave?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012): Well, I suppose... So I haven't been the nicest to my bf lately but lately but what can I say!!! I can only take so much disappointment. I have reached my breaking point. I have a lot of great friends and family who support me 100%! I think it's finally time to move on, and focus ob my own happiness!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): He's in another relationship. Probably has a wife or live in girlfriend.
Spend $50 and run a background check on him. It might save you a lot of heartbreak.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 November 2012):
 Maybe he is being cautious that you might run in to his WIFE if he lets you get "too close".....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): Love is a 2 way street. Yes, run from this non relationship. Are you really that desperate? Please go forward and not waste another second for someone who simply does not love you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 November 2012):
 LEAVE.
1. He keeps me hidden from all aspects of his life Rule ONE: a man who is in love, screams from the rooftops that you are his girl. He does not care what others think or say. He will introduce you to friends, family and co-workers and not give a hoot about what they think or say (unless they say bad things and then they will be reprimanded) A MAN WHO HIDES YOU from the rest of his life is not committed to you, does not care about you and is not the right man for you.
2.He rarely spends the night, comes for movies and leaves… sounds like a movie friend not a boyfriend to me
3.We never cook together or have meals together unless we go out to eat… well if you are not living together that seems to make sense.. but I sense you want more than this casual watch movies once in a while kind of relationship.
4.We don’t spend holidays together not good.. you are not integrated into his full life. You are compartmentalized…
5.He avoids spending time with my son this is actually at this point good.. your son is probably not that attached to him and it will be easier when you end the relationship.
6.He lives at home with his parents he’s past 30 and lives at home with mommy and daddy? RED FLAG… also that you are “NOT ALLOWED” to come to his house? NOT good.
7.Won’t let you touch his phone but wants access to yours? RED FLAG double standard. UNFAIR. Another black mark… so far OP we are up to SEVEN reasons to leave this man.
8. You have told him what you want and he leads you on with “soon or someday” what a teaser to drag you along with him. Strike EIGHT
9. He makes promises he does not keep. And he probably has NO intention of keeping them so that makes him a LIAR too. STRIKE NINE
10. You tell him you are miserable and he says you can leave. GOOD for him… BAD that you don’t do it.
THERE is nothing here. After a year and a half it’s NOT going to change. You are wasting your time and effort. LEAVE.
Be strong… say “its’ over” then block his phone numbers, his emails facebook and twitter if you have them. BANISH him from your life. AT this point he is giving you nothing and taking everything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): Leave, you've been a fool to put up with this kind of treatment for this long. OP there's nothing to work, you have no relationship and it actually sounds like you're his bit on the side.
He even said you can leave if you're unhappy, not exactly the words of a man who will fight to keep you and make this work.
It's over OP, the question is how long are you going to drag this out because you love him too much to leave?
Love or happiness is your choice here OP. Simple choice isn't it? Stay and be miserable in the long term, leave and be devastated in the short term and then happy in the long term.
OP I don't know why you call him your boyfriend, there's nothing there that says "boyfriend" to me. If you didn't love him would accept this? So why should love change that? You're in your 30's OP not some wide eyed teen, you know love isn't enough, you know that the pain of breaking up doesn't last long and you also know there are better guys out there. So what's your excuse?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 November 2012):
 So he lives with his parents, he never stays overnight, and he doesn't want to bond with your child?
After a 1 1/2 year he should definitely have bonded pretty well with your son and maybe even considered you two living together.
He wants to see your cell-phone but you can't see his? How about no?! Why does he have the right to check up on you, but you can't see what's going on in his life?
He won't introduce you to his friends? Never been to his parents house?
He makes promises and then doesn't keep them?
Where do you see this relationship heading?
So many red flags I think I'm in China!
Honey, you CAN NOT make him be the BG you want him to be. He is who he is.
And honestly, listen to yourself.. *quote*
Its gotten to the point that I cant even pretend to be happy anymore. I tell him I'm miserable and he says I can leave if I'm that unhappy.
Does that sounds like a BF that actually CARES about you?
Like I said... China wants their flags back. I can't see this relationship lasting very long and HE set the tone, HE makes the rules and you are just supposed to suck it up or leave.....
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