A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok, about 6 months ago i was in a relationship with a 25 yr old guy when i was 15. we didnt do anything sexual or anyhting stupid, huggin and kissing was it. anyway my parents found out and now wer arent allowed to have contact with each otha at all, i understand why they did that of course. but i really miss him as he was my first bf and he is the only i have eva had as other guys my age just arent interested in me. they dont see me as hot put it that way. now that i dnt have him around to talk to, i feel really lonely and empty. I am waiting till i am around 17 or 18 to go and see if there is anything there for us. But i dnt kno if i should hold on to such a dream coz i dnt really wanna get my heart broken again. so could u please tell me wat i should do? I need to kno if i should move on or just keep him in the back of my head?? thanks for all help
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): I might be able to shed some light here. I MARRIED my wife when she was 17. I happened to be 36 at the time. It was absolutely the most Rightest feeling in the world. No regrets. That was in 1995. Move to the present: 2 beatifull children later and 11 out of 13 happy years later, my 30 year old wife left her family. She left because she MISSED OUT. She felt that HER LIFE could be more. I know you want to be with this man now, and that your age difference means nothing to you, but if I had to do it all over again- I would. But what I would ask you is : where would you like a relationship to go with a man of 25? Now most importantly, are you compatible, do you share the same interests? And here is a bigee, what if you get pregnant, are You ready for that. listen, I am a questioner too of this site, check for my name.
A
female
reader, tick-tick-boom  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 Okay.
Your 15 in two or three years your feelings will change. It they years you will meet new people. Dont wait for the 25year old give these guys a chance!
To be honest In the two or three years this guy will also change he'll meet new girls and im sorry to say it but well, he will have probably moved on.
I'm glad your mature enough to understand and accept why your parents will not allow any contact with this guy. There is a 10 year age gap and when your only young it can be really difficult because this fella could be jailed.
Dont wait for him. Find someone else.
Good Luck! X
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 I will have to agree and disagree with the other poster. I agree that 15 is a bit young to be seeking relationships with a 25 year old man.
The reason I have to disagree is the research I've done on cases of self esteem issues relating to troubled and ending relationshps. I know you hear "your too young to fall in love" If you were a boy I might agree with that statement. When said that girls mature faster than boys, It's true. One area that does is in common emotions. Girls are approximately 3 years more advanced in that area from 12 years old to 18.
What that say is, while younger boys aren't emotionally mature yet with opposite sex relationships, girls at as early as 12, when a relationship ends are capable of developing adult feelings and the trauma that comes with that damages the self esteem, and can cause other issues.
I would have to agree with your parents though. The difference in your ages, there are many incompatiability growth issues. I'm a parent. I would be worried if my child was 15 dating a 25 year old. All though the emotions may be able to develop. When I was 25 I had a 6 year old son, a new born daughter, and another daughter on the way.
Focus on your schooling, and being a kid. You're only a kid once, and you'll be an adult much longer than being a kid. Don't rush the process. I have worked with kids in the past who had rushed it. Now as adults, they're missing something because they didn't have a chance to be a kid.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, clobear +, writes (12 April 2008):
 my parents were the same and there was 7 years between me and my boyfriend, but i just started to see him to check if it would work out because i didnt want 2 tell my parents and then me and my boyfriend split up. but now they know, they realise how much he cares for me so thats all that matters. he maybe too old for you in their eyes but if he looks after you and treats you right, isnt that better than someone your own age who is horrible to you. just explain to them and they should be lucky that your in a safe relationship rather than an abusive one.
hope things work out good hunny, good luck, xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (12 April 2008):
 Well, I know its tough, cus doesn't matter what age you are, it hurts like hell when you lose the one you love, but I think you need to find some interests where you will meet people of all ages - say salsa classes, bowling for a team, things like that where there are both sexes and all ages, then you can have fun til the right person comes along - and they will. That way you stop focusing on wanting this man and thoughts of going to look for him. I'm sure by the time you are 17 or 18 you'll have met someone you prefer and he will be a long distant memory. Time changes a lot of things and you're in a very growing up time, so just know its all there waiting for you, when gthe times right. Lotsaluv.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): I think 15 is awfully young to have your heart broken. This 25 year old man has some real issues if he is attracted to a child of 15, when other boys her age don't even think she is hot....see the thing is, you are a girl...he is now a man, and he must not have the abiility to connect with women his own age and that shows for one lack of maturity. Don't know what the laws are there but it is illegal in my country for a man of this age to have sex or even talk about having sex with an underage girl....and there are many reasons for that one of which is that a person your age is easily manipulated by their emotions from an older more experienced person and you can end up hurt, or psychologically scared or worse, kidnapped or dead, sadly...this does happen.
A ten year age difference is nothing once you are a true adult, but at your age it is like dating your parent or creepy uncle.....just not a good idea....sorry I totally agree with your parents on this one.
I am sorry you feel your heart is broken and you are lonely without him, that is part of the problem, you don't need to feel that way because of this guy acting inappropriately towards you, it is great you are so trusting, but you don't have very good judgement yet and can't see that this was the wrong relationship for you.
I am sure if you give it time and stay away from him and get back to the things you like to do and your studies and family and friends, you will wonder "what was I thinking?"
If you hold onto this you will continue to feel insecure and bad about yourself and lonely on top of it....and that is your choice nobody else's...you can choose how you feel.
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