A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for almost 4 years and I am very much in love with her. She took a job in a different state 5 months ago but we both still wanted to stay together. Last night, at a local bar after having way too much to drink, I ended up kissing a girl. I immediately felt guilty but I don't know why I allowed myself to get in that situation. I know alcohol is not an excuse and I never would have ended up in that situation if I had a little more self control. I spoke with my girlfriend today and told her everything. She was of course upset but was glad that I had been honest with her. She really wants to stay with me and I feel the same way. I am very committed and see myself eventually getting married to this girl. But, even though I have told her everything, the feeling of guilt in my stomach is eating me away. I think about this every second and it's really hard because I can't talk face to face with my girlfriend about this because we are so far apart. I know it just happened yesterday so I imagine that this will take a while to get over.I am just looking for some advice on what I still can do or ways to get rid of this guilt if possible. I just feel like this will be hanging over my head for a very long time.Thanks
View related questions:
kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 Guilt does not just vanish in one day. Give it time. If you truly regret it and you can promise yourself it would never happen again, and you have learnt from your mistake, then dont be too hard on yourself. You're very lucky to have a girlfriend who loves you so much. Count your blessings.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 You have already taken all the right steps in redeeming yourself from this mistake. Give it time, as long as you keep trying to be the best you can be for your now distant girlfriend, your conscience will grow still and you will truly forgive yourself. Guilt is natural, you know what you did was wrong so for now let it guide your hand so you may continue doing right by her and by yourself.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (21 February 2011):
The things that shape a person are not the mistakes they make, but what happens afterwards. You did something and recognised it as a mistake. What happens next.
Well, first of all you decided that you don't want to behave like that, and you were open and honest with your girlfriend, which is great.
What are you going to do now? What are you going to learn from this expereince?
If you were to ignore it quickly, or not think about it and just brush it off, you probably wouldn't learn much, but you don't sound like that kind of guy.
If you become overwhelmed with regred and guild, and use it as a way of beating yourself up, of making you feel badly about yourself, of eroding your self confidence and self worth, you will be doing yourself no good, and you won't be doing your girlfriend any good by doing this either.
If you use it as a mistake to learn from, to think about how the mistake came about and the things that contributed to it so that you can avoind making similar mistakes, if you use it to decide on the kind of person you want to be and the kind of behaviour that you want to enact in the world, and you use it as a means to become the person you want to be, and a way for you to become closer in your relationship, that would make the mistake a much better thing to have gone through.
We all make mistakes. Its what happens next that determines who we become in the world. Make a choice that is good for yourself. Your girlfriend, and everyone else in your life, will appreciate you for it.
Oh, and flowers and a card saying "I'm sorry" also work great if you are far away..... :)
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, lb193 +, writes (21 February 2011):
 Being that this happened yesterday, I am very impressed that you told your girlfriend immediately. Many men do not have the common decency to do that and your girlfriend will most definitely appreciate it. Your guilt just shows how much you really love her.
Good people make mistakes, and you made the right decision by telling her. I'm sure once you see her you'll realize how insignificant the stupid kiss was with that nobody, and you'll just be happy that you two are together again.
Feel better, dude. You seem like a good guy and I wish you two the best of luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Lovely15 +, writes (21 February 2011):
Sorry Tony but it's not his g/f fault for moving away. I think you would agree with me anonymous. You are clearly in a mature, adult relationship. You understand why she had to leave and you two are working it out between yourselves and that's great but it's not her fault for moving away. Anyway, I think it's pretty natural for you to feel guilty. After all, it has only been a day like you said!! People make mistakes.. I'm sure she will need your forgiveness someday. It's part of the give and take in relationships.. understand, forgive, communicate, sacrifice, etc... Don't beat yourself! Take a deep breath and let time pass and you two will be fine
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Just because "lots of people do it" doesn't make it right or less immoral...and it's not your girlfriend's fault that you kissed someone else!I don't think there's a way you can "get rid" of this feeling of guilt. It will go away over time, provided your girlfriend forgives you and doesn't bring it up and hold it over your head from now on.It's good to be feeling guilt when you've done something wrong because it serves a purpose - to make it less likely that you'll repeat the offense.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tonywoodo  +, writes (21 February 2011):
Just think about it this way man, any other fella would of done the same I've been in the situation myself I didn't tell her because almost every guy I know has done the same, its not your fault that's just the way men are made to be if it's Anyones fault it's you girlfriends for moving so far away to let this happen to you don't be feeling guilty over something you know you wouldn't of done if you girlfriend would of been closer you probably wouldn't of even been in the bar hope this helped man, peace out
...............................
|
