A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had been dating my boyfriend for what would be a year tomorrow. He is at college so I usually don't see him for about six weeks at a time, but obviously he has long summer/easter/xmas holidays. I was out with a friend in december and saw him, and I am very shy so find it difficult to hug properly/kiss and show affection to him infront of other people. Not because i'm embarrassed by him!! I'm just like that. He got quite off with me in his texts afterwards, but the next morning apologised constantly and told me not to worry about it.He went back to college and all was well, then a few weeks back he started talking to me less/not telling me he misses me/that im amazing/beautiful, like he usually would, so conversations we did have were generally a bit awkward as i knew something was up.He was back this weekend and i had to join him for a family get together, which was arranged weeks ago. He hardly said a word to me throughout, and not once held my hand or made any physical contact as he usually would. i gave him a lift home and he invited me in. he sat me down next to him and just hugged me soooo so tightly and kissed me so hard. i stupidly thought this was his way of making up for the way he had acted. it wasn't. he just stopped suddenly and said 'sorry i can't do this anymore' because i can't be confident enough to show him any sort of affection in public. obviously i was pretty devastated and upset, but he just kept saying he was sorry and he loves me and trying to comfort me. so i left, and he text me later saying that he promises that he still loves me, will always love me, and checking i was ok. main question is though about what else he said - 'maybe after a while if you feel more confident about public affection we can try again if you don't hate me too much for this' and 'i hope we can still be close friends, and chat and fb etc, and who knows'i don't know if he's meaning that he intends we get back together - as in he just wants to take a break for a bit? we haven't spoken since the break up which was about 3 days ago, but i really want to talk to him about it, but don't want to seem like im trying to change his mind. i want to be mature about it, but at the same time don't want to let him go that easily - i'd really appreciate your advice on this.
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male
reader, Thisdizzle  +, writes (21 February 2011):
I don't know for certain, but here's what it sounds like: you're a sure thing for him, so he doesn't want to lose that. At the same time, he wants to move on to another person/other people. So he's trying to keep you in limbo to have a "back-up plan" of sorts. Don't stand in place while he moves on. Make it clear he can't just go around doing his thing while leaving you behind and expect you be ready for him at his convenience.
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