A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 and 8-9 weeks pregnant. I have my first midwife appointment on the 25th February. My boyfriend and parents are basically forcing me into an abortion that I don't want because I KNOW that after it I will be a wreck. Sure abortion is for some people but not for me because I wouldn't be able to cope with the guilt. I am starting to get excited after booking my midwife appointment but my mum is trying to drum into my head that I can't have a baby, I wouldn't cope and the lot.They refuse to listen to information I've gotten from college and just carry on saying 'We'll get it sorted and then we'll spoil you for a bit' but I don't want to get rid of my baby and when I tell them they say 'It's for the best'. I know I want this baby now because I thought I was bleeding (I wasn't) but at the first look my heart dropped so that scare made me realise I want the baby more than I thought.My boyfriend is pressuring me by saying I'm ruining his life and I'm ment to love him. I love him more than anything, but I don't love him enough to punish myself for the rest of my life, but I do love him more than anyone. What makes me not want to get rid even more is some people would do anything to get pregnant, but just can't seem to and this makes me appreciate it more.I know it will be a struggle, but I think I can cope and I hope my boyfriend does come round. But if he doesn't I know I'll still try and cope for the sake of the baby. My friends are giving me a hard time to, telling people nasty things about my boyfriend because when I told him we didn't talk for 2 weeks when it's none of their business. Another friend told people at my mums work about it so now they're gossiping and making out my mum is a bad mum and I'm a slag, when she's not she's just worried. I was with my boyfriend for 3 years in April, and we used birth control pills. That friend wants children although she's 18 in 4 weeks, but she's making excuses sayin she needs to talk to people about it. I've told her it's too early to tell people because I'll be upset if I miscarry but she is just being sly and not very considerate. I just wish my boyfriend would talk to me about having the baby because my friends don't see the money/bills/late nights they just think a little baby that I can dress nicely. I also don't understand why my friend needs to confide in people about it. It's mine and my boyfriends baby and I don't want her to come to all my appointments I want my boyfriend there. Also she's trying to come to all the college appointments I'm going to for support. But I can't say no to them because it's a 'anyone can come for help'.I do realise how hard it will be, but I am willing to try and make it work. Please give me advice :(.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): hi im 17 and i have a 6 month old baby boy & i found out 3 months ago that i was pregnant again! My boyfriend has a 2 year old daughter of his own & we're expecting another already. Sure we talked about have a baby of our own BUT later on in our lifes now this has happpened & i just recently told his mom about it. She says we have no buisness having another baby right now & i know shes right but i dont think abortion is the answer. I'll admit the when i first found out i was thikning of abortion now i know that i cant go through with it. I dont want to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. I know it will be very hard to take care of another child at this point but god wont give me nothing that i cant handle. I trust myself to be able to take care of this child also. I did it alone with my son & with or without my unborns child father i know i can do it. Just know that if you do have your baby you will be giving up alot of your own time. This means no more going out with friends or buying anything for yourself. Babys are expensive and they have alot of needs. But they're love isnt like any other love out there. Your childs love is irreplacable. I think if you THink you can handle taking care of a child then do it! Have your baby but dont depend on your boyfriend. If hes there tthats great but guys can pick up and leave as they please so just be strong & be ready for anything. I hope this helps youu.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): hii, i dont really know how to help you but this might help you make up your mind. the week after my 17th birthday i fell pregnant to my partner when we got it confirmed by the doctor we jus smiled about the idea i was pregnant i wanted to keep the baby but my bf said we wrent ready plus we wouldnt be able to afford it just on an apprentice wage ven mum said so, any we terminated the pregnancy and yes it is really hard and when your in the waitin room its evern harder and when your sitting there after the ultrasound they do for a double confirmation and you see you baby for the first time its even harder again. i still remember exactly what it looked like and i started tearing up because i didnt want to go througfh with it but i thought i had to cos i was to young, and guess what i regret it i wish i could go back and tell them no now its worse cos after it i really want a baby again and i dont no how to tell my partner i say its your baby its your choice do what you think is right but i tell you now think very wisely aswell and use your brain not your emotions good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Hi I'm 28 years old and I'm in the same boat as you, it really doesn't matter how old you are this happens to every woman any age any race whether she's married single or divorced. Men can be so insensitive when we're sooo overwhelmed with emotions, they will NEVER understand what a woman has to deal with when an unwanted pregnancy shows up it's not their bodies and minds going through the changes and it certainly isn't them having to make the firm decision of terminating the little gift inside. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and he doesn't want anything to do with us being pregnant and I'm truly deeply hurt because I do have an 8 year old boy(who I raised by myself and yes he turned out to be the greatest kid in the world and I did it all for him I was only 19 when I got pregnant with him- dad was only there when he felt like dealing with him- which was hardly ever-very sad because he is my world). So I know I'm older now and don't want to wait too much longer to have another precious being.
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female
reader, xxstephxx +, writes (18 March 2009):
hi
iam 17 and wanted a bby since i was about 15 anyways me and my boyfrend both wanted a bby had sex got pregnant str8 away as soon as we had i new i was. we spliy up b4 a found out i was pregnant and wen i went to tell him he neva replied. i told my mum i was pregnant and that i wanted to keep it becoz all i want frm life is children she sed that shed support me threw but her and my aunty are very close and she assumed i d have an abortion, i felt very pressurised into having aan abortion i new wen i got to the clinic its not wat i wanted but i was made to have it and it was the worst decision of my life i no when i would be due how many weeks i am every monday would i have had a boy or girl and so on and now i relli want to have a bby so go with ur heart 4get about other people and what they think in the long run im sure it ll be worth it but at the end of the day its up to you xxxx
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reader, IrishKaty +, writes (2 August 2008):
Hey there.I am in the middle of my university studies atm and 6 weeks pregnant with what would be my first baby. My fiance and me are due to get married next year and live happily ever after or so you're led to believe when you're younger. He is scared at the very idea of me keeping the baby claiming it would ruin the very future we could have together. I have a doctor appointment next week and will ultimately be discussing the abortion procedure. Neither of our families know at the moment and he wants to keep it that way. The truth is I don't see abortion as the easy solution to this, for not a day will go by where I don't imagine what my little bundle of joy would look like and enjoy doing with his/her time. I guess it is safe to say I want to keep going with my pregnancy and if needs be make plans for an alternate future. I believe that although I will have time when the baby is in school to go back to university and complete a demanding course I will never again have the chance to give birth to this little one.My fiance sees abortion as the only logical step however and believes I will get over the abortion when the hormones have settled down. This I believe to be an immature and thoughtless thing to say.We all need someone to offer us kind support and guidance and above all with regards to family and friends for them to put their own feelings aside and offer help for you when you really need it.
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reader, jcarnell  +, writes (28 July 2008):
I am truly sorry to hear about your situation. Mine is a little different. I'm 27 years old, and have been married for six years to a wonderful man. Our dream from day one is to have a baby together. After trying for five years, we have found out we are unable to have one.
You'll never know the agony tilk you've been there. There are thousands of loving couples out there who would love to adopt your baby. And like me would even be willing to pay all the bills to have your baby! Please think long and hard before you make a decision that will haunt you for the rest of your life. God makes every baby for a reason. If it's not for you to love and care for, then let someone else love and care for him/her.
May God be with you in your decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): Hi how are you doing? Did you decide to have an abortion. I hope you are okay.
Love,
Michelle
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): Hey. I've just found out I'm about 6 weeks pregnant, I was 17 last month and my boyfriend is the same age. It is honestly heartbreaking that all he has to say is 'i just want it to be over,' I understand he thinks it'll ruin his life, but a little bit of consideration of the fact that I'm so messed up about it really would make me feel so much better! All my friends and my Mum just say 'when are you going to the clinic?' (i.e. to have an abortion) and my friends were so stunned when i told them i really don't want to, they then all continued to inform me than I can't have the baby...funny how people somehow think they have the right to tell you what to do in a situation like this? When i told my mum she was a royal b*tch about it and still is being, I thought she'd be supportive of me but she just said 'I knew this would happen,' called me a slut and said thats what I get for sleeping around even though I've only done so with my two boyfriends.I cry myself to sleep at night, it's the only way i can sleep, and I constantly feel sick - it's like emotional nausea, sounds stupid but thats the best I can explain it.I wish you good luck with everything, I need to make my decision and I hope you can make yours - but remember not to let ANYONE influence you unless they really really care about you and are helping you do what you want to do. If someone really loves and cares about you then they'll support you whatever the circumstances and realise that you are more important in the situation than themselves.I want my baby and I will do the utmost to have it, even if it's 'selfish' and 'ruining my life' even if it means running away or even moving out with someone. I just hope my boyfriend stays by my side although I think that's doubtful.Good luck everyone.x
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 May 2008):
 To the last anon poster who's 8-9 weeks gone, you might find you get some answers to your question if you pose it as a new one on the main site. Some of these questions are older and not everyone reads the new answers.
Good luck hon.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): I am also 17, and last week found out that im 8-9weeks gone. After telling my boyfriend, he tryed acting sympathetic but two days later, ended our relationship. after two years by the way :(
i promised him i would abort the child but deep down i really dont want to, but i think it would be selfish of me if i kept it if he doesnt want it and if the child will not have parents that are still together..
i really dont know what to do at this point, i really want him back and i really want our baby but who knows.?
any ideas on how i should tell him i want to keep he baby?
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Hey,
I hope you kept your baby. i am 20 Years old 4 weeks pregnant and my family and partner have forced me to the clinic, my appointment is next week - i do not want to go. i hate it i will hate myself for ever!! make sure you have your baby i feel mine inside me already and i want it more than anything in this world. i am a travel agent and love my job but i would easily give it up for my baby.
i am not looking forward to next week at all i keep having night mares about it! i will never EVER forgive myself for the decision i have had to make due to pressure - my partner and parents said i would be on my own if i had it and i could not deal with that either.i have only made this decision to get everyone off my back. i wish i was stronger coz i want my baby!!!
good luck!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): hi there,
I went through an abortion a year ago today. Its a horrible thing to go through. No matter how much people tell you that you'll be fine and its such a small thing, if you are alreday thinking like that it will be difficult.
What you do need to think about though is what you want for your baby. When you were growing up and you played mummys and daddys what did you imagine it to be like? the best pram? ballet/football lessons? designer clothes? a life? these things won't come easy to you.
You have to realize that you may be doing this for yourself and maybe not in the interest of your child however if you can guarantee that supprt behind you then Congratulations huni.
No one can tell you what to do. so just make sure you think really hard about it and weigh up every option before you make your decision. and remember dont let ppl influence you but also dont make the mistake of doing one thing because you dont want what they are saying to be true.
my heart goes out to you. You've got your whole life ahead of you so good luck with which ever path you take.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): hi there i just read about your concerns and i would just like to say that i fell pregnant with my daughter when i was 17, as much as my now husband was gutted we kept the baby because i wanted to, the way i see it, is that it,s your body, your decision.I now have 5 children and have been married for 8 years it dosn,t always have a bad ending, having a baby is hard work probley the hardest thing you will ever do, but it is so rewarding, and believe me your bf will never look into your babys eyes and think mistake, make the right choice for you take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Im turning 17 and in the same position as you,I was using the patch as contreception but it reacting badly to my skin.I was using the patch rather than the pill because it also lightened my period.I went to the clinic to be safe, i thought it would never be me,i was wrong.
My boyfriends 17 and we have been together nearly 3 yrs.I really want this baby,whereas he doesnt.I listed the positives and negitives of both keeping the baby and abortion.I also thought of the consequences of both and realised i wouldnt be able to live with the fact i killed my own baby.If i hadnt been with my boyfriend for this long and didnt love him so much i would have second thoughts.Its not like i'm one of those young silly slags that dont know who the baby father is!Also it sickens me to think i'll still probly be with my mna in a few years,knowing we could of done this.
However he says we are too young and he doesnt want his life to be so serious so early,him wanting me to hav a termination breaks my heart.I'm lucky my mum and family understand even though its not up to them atall.With an easy going family it makes everthing ALOT easier.
Ive realised with people giving their opinions here and there, confuses you more and fucks your head right up.Its true only you and your bf can talk it out seriously.Even if he doesnt want it,fuck him. YOUR the baby mother, he can walk away anytime..if he wanted he could leave the country,but your still gonna be the one with the bubba.
I wish my bf wanted our baby because it feels like i need him their with me all the way.i dont want him to look into my babies eyes and think ''MISTAKE'' ...its killing me that he couldnt care less about me having an Abortion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Hello,
I can see how you are feeling so distressed with this whole situation. Let me assure you that you are making the correct decision by keeping your baby. Others need to understand that not only is this your life it is the life of a precious little soul that will be FOREVER destroyed! Once done you can never go back and change the outcome. A child is one of the most incredible gifts that a woman will ever recieve in life. You will experiance a love beyond your expectations and imagination. Although you may not be able to see or feel you baby right now he/she is in fact alive, moving, and is capable of "feeling" emotion and pain.
If YOU do not want to abort your baby then NO-ONE can force you to do so. There are many pregnancy resource centers, and support groups that can possitively support your decision in keeping your baby. I can guarentee that if you stand your ground against all opposition it will be the most rewarding in the end. When others see that precious little human being they too will fall in love, and accept the child as part of the family.
I know things are probably VERY confusing and scarey right now, but be strong because giving LIFE to another is the greatest gift you can give another. I am sure you will not regret it when you are staring into your beautiful babies innocent eyes. May God Bless you and lead you. If you would like to chat just repost and let me know. I would like to know how things work out for you.
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reader, sassafrass +, writes (6 March 2008):
Dear Preg. Teen,
I just want to tell you that you are doing the right thing by having the baby. If you decide that it is too much for you to handle there are so many great homes that will raise your baby in an open adoption. However, I promise.....everone including your boyfreind will really be happy that you chose to have this child. You will win in the end if you have it. You will lose if you have an abortion becasue of the reprecussions you will have to face including regret. I will pray for you! here is a big hug!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): hey,
im 16 just and ive just found out im expecting by a lad i hardly knew.He has totally f**ked me off and told me to get an abortion.But you know what?.Im not.Dont listen to anyone elses opinion apart form your own.Go with your heart.Your child could be the best thing thats ever happened to you.If your parents dont like it tough.Its not there life.Yeh they might say your ruining your life and they might not talk to you for a while but a life is a precious gift and if your family and b/f love you so much they will come round.Trust me im the 4th of my sisters to get preggers at 16 my mam n dad will go ape.But i know in my heart that i will love my baby and i have a great set of friends that will be there for me even if my family arnt.Keep in touch and i hope you make the right choice.=] xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): Please consider having your beautiful baby. I have two young daughters and they are God's children and they bring us so much joy.
My mom once had an abortion (found out when I was an adult) and I long for my brother/sister who perished in that act. She had three kids and didn't want a 4th but I know there was a life and that life could be w/ me today as a sibling. Find a way to have your baby and go to college and get a great job. Don't let this young life perish.
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female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (28 January 2008):
 Whether to have this child is your choice alone. No one can or should force you to have an abortion.
And as long as you're not depending on anyone else to help you raise this child, then whether to KEEP him/her (or give up for adoption) is also your choice. However, if you're going to need help then you need to take their wants into consideration.
Are you going to live with your parents after you've had the baby? Are you forcing your boyfriend to drop out of school to help you support it? Are you giving up education (which will help you earn more money) to raise it?
This is a really hard decision to make hon. I recommend seeing a counselor (either at school or at your church) and having some long talks with them. They can help you.
Good luck.
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female
reader, Trinnity08 +, writes (28 January 2008):
 Please dont be forced into an abortion , it has to be ur decistion if your forced will spend the rest of ur life regretting and suffering from this , its only you who can sign the consent forms no one else , take some time out and consider what you want once ur decistion is made be strong and tel them what you want . Im not going to lie its hard i had my little girl at 17 but i wouldent change her for the world . ive also been forced into a termination whilst suffereing from depresion and it haunts me to this day .You cant worry about what other people think , the world these days is too quick to judge . good luck xx trinnity
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reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 January 2008):
 I am glad for your decision to keep your baby .It will be worth every minute of the child's life. You can catch up on your education later on.
The purpose of life is to live a life that we can enjoy and be proud off. Others may have a degree but what is the use when you do not know what's your purpose in life.
Do not let others frighten you about raising a baby. Take each day at a time and plan for his arrival.Children are a blessings from God.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): You need to tell your parents that you just can not go thru with this. And like the other girl said I believe that after your parents see the baby (I have a feeling it's a girl) that they will fall in love with her. And they will probably feel very bad about pressuring you to kill their grandbaby. As far as the b/f is concerned, tell him you're having the baby & he can be there or not but he has no right to make you feel awful about it. It's his fault that it happened. As far as the anon. male poster who's only advice was "adoption" how typical of a male. Could they even begin to know what it would feel like to carry a child in their womb for 9 months, go through labor, to just give their child away? Some people can do it, but not you. You want this baby, you already love this baby. I am on my 2nd baby right now 7 months pregnant & I have a 9 mo. old. It is hard but it's the most fulfilling job I have ever had. Also, you can get gvmt. assistance, even free college & other financial help. Do what you feel in your heart is best. God Bless you.
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reader, Kodgypie +, writes (27 January 2008):
first things first, reagrdless of pressure ... they cannot force you to have an abortion. Even if they dragged you kicking and screaming cos the nurses/doctors wouldn't do it. It sounds to me like you want to accept this fab blessing you have been giving by becoming a mum ... ignore what others say, its your life, your choice and certainly your body. They cannot make you do anything. Plus, just don't tell your mates when you are going to these appointment/meetings if they cannot accept no. Again your life, they should worry about their own lives and butt out of yours.
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reader, angel150590  +, writes (26 January 2008):
hi, i am 17 and a single mum to a beautiful 4 month old daughter. My mum wanted me to have an abortion but i didnt want one so she supported my decison but still didnt really accept it until she saw my baby girl for the first time and fell in love with her. My ex buggered of with someone else but to be honest i dont care because i am doing a bloody good job on my own. It is hard and you loose contact wtih some friends but it was all worth it to me and i couldn't imagine life with out my daughter being with me xxxx
good luck
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): Adoption.
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (26 January 2008):
 Being a "Single Parent" is a rough thing to go through. I had several girlfriends who were. They struggled working 2 jobs, plus paying babysitters.Did you talk to your Mom to ask if she can help you with the baby while you continue school? If you are going to have a baby... set up a "Support" team. (Your mom, sister, cousin, friends, relatives, etc) Because if your BF doesn't stick with you... you will need it. Can you support a baby by yourself? Can you provide a safe and secure envirement for the child? That is why I am saying to have a Support Team.My Cousin had a baby at 15, married the guy. I also had friends who have had abortions, and had years of remorse and guilt afterwards.You need to do what you can live with, because YOU are the one who has to... no-one else but YOU. It is your call. Think things through carefully....
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reader, Serinity +, writes (26 January 2008):
 http://www.teenbreaks.com/The important thing that you need to remember here sweetheart is that it's your choice, and ONLY your choice. I know your family and friends want to give you their opinions and that's fine. But in the end you need to make the ultimate decision because you're the one who will live with the decision for the rest of your life. If you don't think you are mentally capable of having an abortion, then don't because it will have an ever lasing effect on you. And I am speaking from experience. I let my parents and my friend (who concequently was the father)talk me out of having a baby that I wanted to keep when I was 22yrs old. I can't even describe how I felt and the effects it's had on me. It's a grueling experience, I'm 32 yrs old now with 2 beautiful boys and I still think about it. I know you love your boyfriend but how dare he say that your ruining his life if you have this baby. That is so ignorant, selfish and immature. He's the one who knocked you up for God sake! That really burns me up. So he's man enough to stick it in you and get you pregnant but he's not man enough to deal with the concequences!!! You can't let him influence you with selfishness.You seem like a smart level headed 17 year old and by your post it seems like you really want to keep this baby and you already know it's going to be hard, very hard. There will be a lot of sacrafices along the way, but life is full of sacrafices. You need to decide which decision you'll be able to live with. If I were you I would tell your parents, your boyfriend and your friends that you appreciate their opinions and concern but it's your choice to make and they need to back off. I wish you the best and I know where your head is at. If you need to chat please feel free to mail me. Good luck and God bless you love.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 I don't think that anyone can tell you what is right for you or whether or not you should have this child or not. No one has the right to tell you how you should feel about your own views on abortion or how you should feel about this pregnancy. If you know right now that it is something that you will not/can not live with, then you have to believe that you know what is right for you. Some women can cope with an abortion, some have them and it bothers them, some don't think about it very much afterwards - we're all quite different. You are the one who will be living with your decision. Trust yourself to make the right choices for yourself.
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