A
male
age
41-50,
*r toyboy
writes:My girlfriend has this lesbian couple as her friends. I have met them, spent time with them and i quite like them. This Sunday, she wants to take all of us out for breakfast, me, the couple and a male gay friend i have never met, but she talks about him a lot. I had plans to have my best friend and his girl over same afternoon for a barbecue at my place, and i told my GF we can all go back to my place after the breakfast at the hotel, me, her, the couple except the gay guy cos am straight and dont feel comfortable hanging out with a gay guy ( No disrespect), we ended up fight over it because she cant understand why he cant come.Am i wrong guys? She thinks am homophobic and judgemental, but this is my choice and i want her to respect it.My ex had a gay friend whose other friends were winking at me and putting their foot on top of mine when we were in the same room some years back, that really got me upset.
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male
reader, mr toyboy +, writes (24 May 2012):
mr toyboy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for you responses, much appreciated.
Everyone of you sided with her, means i must have been doing something wrong. I just apologised and told her hes welcome.
My boss who gave me the start i needed in my career last year was gay and i realized i have to appreciate everyone for who they are.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 Just because one gay man crossed the line inappropriately with you years ago, does not mean all gay men are like that. Personally I could NOT be friends with (much less date) a person who said “all your friends but the GAY ones are ok”.
Since you asked if you are wrong, YES you are WRONG. You are being homophobic and judgmental and while she has to respect your feelings, your request is inappropriate.
Let’s try this:
We are going out to breakfast with my gf, a White Couple, A black couple, and an Asian Couple. Because I once had an Asian woman make a pass at me and it makes me uncomfortable to be around them I told my gf that ONLY the WHITE couple and the BLACK couple can come to our home but NOT the ASIAN couple. OR The Christians and the Muslims can come but the Jews cannot because a Jewish woman once touched my foot under the table and I know she wanted me and that just grossed me out…
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (24 May 2012):
You’re not showing her much respect either though: she values her friendship with this gay man, yet you expect her to exclude him and no-one else from entering your house when you’ve arranged an event for everyone at which you can have your friend but she can’t have hers? I can completely understand why she has branded you homophobic and judgemental, although I do find calling people homophobic for being uncomfortable, rather than wilfully ignorant and prejudiced a bit harsh. ?I appreciate that some gay men might have made you feel uncomfortable in the past, but there’s no one type of gay person and no reason why this man is the same as other gay people you’ve encountered. The more gay people you meet, the more you’ll realise that, like all other groups of people, everyone’s different. Think of it this way: imagine if I said that all straight men were homophobic, you’d think that was ridiculous, right? But your logic is the same. Besides, this man isn’t likely to flirt with you if you are the boyfriend of a friend that he cares about. It will mean a lot to your girlfriend if you give the gay man a chance, maybe you’ll learn something to. Don’t judge him on the basis of people you’ve met in the past, keep an open mind and get to know him.I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Echo85 +, writes (24 May 2012):
 Totally with your girlfriend on this one. Why are lesbians okay and not gay guys? Why do you feel uncomfortable? If another girl was winking at you would you feel uncomfortable or just laugh it off?
Guys can be flirty. Laugh and wink back or if you can't be fun then just roll your eyes and walk away
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2012): I have to agree that your being a bit unreasonable about this. Not all gay men are going to be after you, just like you aren't after every woman that you see. You have had a bad experience in the past, I understand that, but it was not with this particular man, and judging him for what someone else has done.If you turn around and say that her gay male friend cannot come to your house, then yes it looks as though your homophobic and prejudiced. I agree with your girlfriend on this one, your not even willing to get to know this guy because someone else made you uncomfortable. So does that mean if you and your girlfriend ever broke up, you would become a monk simply because you had one bad experience with one woman. No it wouldn't. If you give this guy a chance, and you feel uncomfortable with him because of something he does, then fine you can make that request. I don't mean that you let him attend and then just say never again, you have to give him a real chance and try to get to know him for who he is.I am sorry but I agree with your girlfriend on this one.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (24 May 2012):
 There are aggressive girls, there are aggressive guys. But not all guys or girls are aggressive. I think if you had some experience with a girl in the past who was rubbing up on your foot and winking at you, you wouldn't ban all females.
Just like with the ladies, there are plenty of gay men out there who are not trying to chase down every guy they meet. This is similar to if you had a bad experience with a guy from Italy, and no longer wanted all Italians in your home.
I have to side with your girlfriend. Give this guy a chance! If he ends up making you feel uncomfortable, then you put the nix on THAT GUY because he is creepy and makes you feel violated. Not all gay guys down the line! Just that one guy!
Judge each person as they present themselves to you, not all people on the first of "their kind" who comes around.
Sorry buddy, I have to side with her on this one. Get to know this guy for who he is, not for who that one guy was.
Good luck, sweet!
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