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I don't want any drama but feel like I am being taken advantage of....

Tagged as: Long distance, Troubled relationships

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Question - (25 July 2011)

14 Answers - (Newest, 30 July 2011)

A female age 41-50, *upid lover writes:

A man that I was seeing for 3 months has gone overseas. He has been gone for 4 months and I knew as soon as I started dating him that he would be leaving very soon to take this trip. We were crazy for each other so we went ahead and kept dating anyway. Everything has been fine so far since he has been gone. He is a very trustworthy person and considerate. I have been following his travels on Facebook and we have been in contact. He has become friends with a lot of girls as he has been going along but so far it hasn't bothered me because I can see that they are truly platonic friendships and nothing more and he has hardly spent any time with each one. There is one girl however who he is planning on meeting up with in her country (Ecuador). He has also written on her wall quite a few times and commented on her photos. There is an alarm bell going off in my head and I am wondering if I should bring this up with him.

Since he has been gone he hasn't said that he misses me or been suggestive to me through email in any way. But before he left he said that he would not be sleeping with anyone or dating etc while he was away and we would be together once he got back.

In my book it is not normal to travel around for months on end while you have someone at home and befriending girls on Facebook and making plans to meet up with them again. He isn't hiding it from me so I guess he thinks that this makes it OK.

This guy hates jealousy so I need to be sure that saying something is the right decision. He is an amazing person just a bit of a wanderer and I don't want to cause an argument while he is away.....that never goes well. I don't want any drama but feel like I am being trodden on a little......taken advantage of/unappreciated etc.

Any advice on what I should do would be much appreciated. Am I over-reacting? HELP!

View related questions: facebook, jealous

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011):

Ok, so I told him that it was clear he wasn't serious about me going by his behaviour and that maybe he should not contact me anymore. This morning I got this reply.........

"I thought it was just nice of someone to offer to show me around their city.

I have stuck to my reasons for travelling....but perhaps it would be better for us to be friends... I still have lots of time left away and at this stage I'm in no hurry to return.

I'm sorry you are upset...but know that I have not crossed any lines!!"

I am so angry that he responded in this way. I have been waiting for him for 4 months so far. He obviously thinks that the world revolves around him and his aimless wandering around the world. Do you think that he doesn't care about me?

Honest opinion would be appreciated here. WHAT TO DO?

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A female reader, cupid lover +, writes (27 July 2011):

cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the question

These Facebook messages are wall posts. I don't have his password.

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A female reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (27 July 2011):

In his defense the messages that you are seeing of his do not appear overly flirtatious. Are those private messages or wall posts? Do you have his password?

That being said : a guy alone meeting up with a girl alone is not kosher. And the "not the safest city" thing is bullshit. A guy needs a girl to be his bodyguard?!

I'd call him out on it and say "look, I wasn't born yesterday. You don't need her for protection. You want to see her and I guess we're not as serious or committed as I hoped. I too will go on dates until you get back".

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A female reader, cupid lover +, writes (27 July 2011):

cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the question

This is the reply that I recieved this morning after asking him what the deal was with him meeting up with this girl......

"Yeah, a contact I met when Jack and I were in Cuzco. She is a local and said if I was going to be in Quito to make contact and she could show me around....not the safest place, so it will be good to know someone there!"

Any opinions or thoughts? Do you guys still think I should break it off?

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A female reader, cupid lover +, writes (25 July 2011):

cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I wrote to him this morning and told him that I can see that he is meeting up with someone in Ecuador and what is this?

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A female reader, cupid lover +, writes (25 July 2011):

cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Further detailed conversation that was on FB this morning:

HER: You could go to X , a really nice city, and then to the Y National Park, pretty close to X, it has a lot of lagoons and some wild animals, even condors (but you already watched them)... or... go to Z , a big city and then to Q, a really nice beach... and then go to R...

HER: Now I still have time off, so maybe I can go with you to some close and nice places from here (A)...I'm travelling to the jungle on thursday but I'm coming to P on Monday August 1st so I think we will catch up for sure!

HIM: Thank you for the tips. It would be great if you are able to join me to visit some places! I´ll aim to be in X around the 1st or 2nd then.Enjoy the jungle! Speak soon.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011):

Are you in a committed relationship with him? Is he open on FB about being in a commitment and you being his gf? Do all his friends and family know you are his gf?

If not, I wouldn't believe a word he says about not sleeping with anyone and you are living in a fantasy relationship.

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A female reader, ayeshaH +, writes (25 July 2011):

i agree with eyespy17. tell him that if he's not seriuos then to just be honest with you and to allow you to move on.

its not fair on you to be waiting around for him while hes hanging about with other girls.

i know its hard when your crazy about someone but if he's not going to stick to his word then you should move on.

hope you figure it out what to do

xx.

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A female reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (25 July 2011):

This is not the actions of a man serious about you.

I'd have a conversation with him and tell him that you will begin dating other people since it's apparent he is pursuing other women.

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A female reader, cupid lover +, writes (25 July 2011):

cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the question

This is the conversation from Facebook:

HIM- Hi ...how are you? I´m flying to Lima from Brazil in a few days...then will be making my way up to Equador! I hope we will get a chance to catch up :)

HER: Jarrah! that's great! sure we will, just tell me when you'll be arriving a few days before you get to Ecuador, are you coming to Quito?

HIM: Great...I arrive on the 26th in Lima and then I will start making my way to Equador. Can you advise some good places to visit on the way up before arriving to Quito? Are you working or do you have time off still?

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A female reader, cupid lover +, writes (25 July 2011):

cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I think I should say something just not sure how to go about it.....

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A female reader, cupid lover +, writes (25 July 2011):

cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He hasn't told me exactly when he is getting back but he did hint that it may be at the beginning of October. I'm not really sure, though.

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A female reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (25 July 2011):

When will he be back from this trip?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011):

I don't think you are over-reacting at all.

i would be feeling the exact same way. i mean if he's said he won't be dating then he should consult you on meeting this girl. he must know you can see these messages hes leaving on her facebook.

even if it is on a purely friends basis that he is meeting this girl then he should let you know that to reassure you.

the fact that he isn't really making the effort to tell you he misses you etc shows maybe hes having second thoughts about your relationship?

although i know you don't want to cause an argument I personally think you should just ask him whats going on. if hes said he wasn't going to date while he was away and then you see he's meeting a girl then there's no right for him to get angry. you're not being jealous.

xx.

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