| A
male
age
41-50,
*ds
writes: i fell in love almost four years ago, it was the first,i had never been in a long term relationship before and it hit me like rain on a window pain.i needed teaching every way to act, i found myself in situations that i know know were disrespectful to her and the relationship,i couldn't stop, i never knew,after one year of her being nice and me being charming we stopped,the thought of both of us being together forever strangled our necks and every breath, our love was pushing us apart,one slight word turned into an argument, an argument into a fight, and a fight into seperate beds, weeks went by and i couldn't remember waking with her in my arms,the kiss of her lips on my shoulder had gone,the safety of my embrace lost,we stopped, so quickly i couldn't turn it around, all that was left is a dozen memories of passion and food, wine and late nights, walks home so cold you wanted her to be at home,she left, i sleep in now in the room where our bed once lived, i wash in the sink our toothbrush shared, she's not there and all the times i talk to her she's so strong.nothing left, i feel like a dog that shit on the carpet for the first time and was killed,its been six months scince i saw her, three phone calls each one enduced by dry white wine,and the music i listen to gets louder when i turn it off,i'm dying, i need to feel hope for those feelings again, i know she wont feel again, and i know it wont be us again, but how can i beat that, how can somebody else do that,i date and sit there and think your not her and i my lying is transparent,i cannot find a smile even on my own,i feel like dying just so i can see the tears in her eyes for me,i don't expect help, i don't expect her to phone, i just want to go to sleep one night wthout an hour spent regreting everything i've ever done,i dream of mariage and holding her hand then wake at three thirty and realse who excactly i am, i don't want a heart any more
View related questions:
fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cool Cucumber  +, writes (13 December 2006):
 Oh sweetheart....you express your pain so well, I'm feeling it!! There was obviously a good reason as to why you both slid out of the relationship into 2 single persons again. You loved her more then she loved you by the sounds of it. It is not healthy to be even thinking about dating anyone at this stage. You need to grieve properly for the love you have lost and find yourself again, in time it will get better - easier said then done eh? TIME TIME TIME is what you need!!
I hope you have a good network of friends/family around who can support you in this time. You do need to be realistic and realise that she will not be coming back into your life, you cannot place your burdens onto her that will make her feel guilty and she will end up being back with you for all the wrong reasons. You have to let her go emotionally, that is the only right thing you can do for both of you.
Don't look back at what you've lost, because the experience, hurt and pain you have gone through will make you stronger, you have been consumed in a relationship where your feelings overtook everything else, these type of relationships rarely last. It's time to say 'yea I had a wonderful time with a wonderful woman for a period in my life, it didn't work out, but I have so much going for me, being in a relationship does not tell me who I am as a person, I can and will find that out myself.'
Take care...x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006):
Well she sounds like a miserable pill.
Chin up!
If you had gotten married you'd probably be ready to strangle her by now and see her dead instead of yourself.
I think you need a grand gesture- that usually called for in these situations. Hey you're not sleeping anyway so why not get out of the house? Take a sky diving lesson, go on a cruise.
You probably have spent enough time on self-recrimination. Until you have found the new woman you'll never see why it was necessary for you to go through this- frankly thats the way it always is. There is no perspective when you are in the trough At least get out there and try something new. You can come back in a year and tell me I am wrong if necessary.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anjel735 +, writes (13 December 2006):
In the process of breaking up of a long-term relationship, my ex boyfriend/fiance asked me to read a short story.
It was of a man reaching out to his best friend. In the story, he asked his friend for advice on how to get a girlfriend he wants back. His friend of many years says, "You can't get her back." He then stares at his long time friend and in agony he says, "I pour my heart out and this is all you can manage to say? You can't get her back??!!" His friend replies,"You cannot get her back, If you did it wouldn't last. Give yourself some time to heal and then in a while start dating again. Date so much you will forget you want her back, in time. And when that time comes, She will call and want you back, you will not want her back." The man was absolutely distressed, but in time he got over it.
Take what you will from that story, I knew why he was asking me to read it. I was still ready to leave him. To your comfort, every word of that story came true.
As they say time heal all wounds.
...............................
A
female
reader, laura ann +, writes (13 December 2006):
 I agree with the other two ladies!
...............................
A
female
reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (13 December 2006):
 ids,
you were disrespectful to her and you lost her. now it's time to pick yourself off the floor. you're a sensitive soul with a romantic heart and you dream of things that cannot be and will not be. your dreamworld is not real, the person you imagine her to be is not real. only your agony is real.
but as well as a heart you have a head. wake up from your dreaming! enough time has gone by. to live is to suffer... get up for some more ;-) it is nostalgia and self-pity that is killing you, not love. you have hardly tasted that yet...
-Sally
...............................
A
female
reader, LISAG +, writes (13 December 2006):
 Well many of us have been exactly where you are, you are not alone ! Time will make things better and there's no use regretting things and dwelling on what might have been. Your question sounds like a romantic poem, I think you have some great undiscovered talent there ! No one is worth dying over either ! You will love again, everything that happens to us is a learning curve, you have to be strong like her and force yourself to smile, it might feel like the end of the world at the moment but things in time will improve, you will get over this and find someone else great again - probably someone greater and more suited to you - have faith in the future man !
...............................
A
female
reader, laura ann +, writes (13 December 2006):
gosh!!!
try and tell her how you feel, its such a shame that this didn't get said before it went that far. But if anything can be resolved then its worth a try! the better late then never comes to mind. gooooooddddddddd luck!
...............................
|
