A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I would really appreciate your advice on this, but first some background: I am 30 and my girlfriend is 28. We started dating 3 years ago, we went out for two months then she left me for her ex. I subsequently found out that they had never split up. She moved in with him for three months then they actually broke up and we got together again. She moved in with me for three months, then moved out because we were arguing about bills etc ( I couldn't afford rent on my own and she didn't want to contribute) . Three months later she moved in again, this time for only a month - again arguing about bills. She didn't tell me we had split up - I found out on FB when she changed her status to "single"We got back together after a month, then three months later she said she was "fed up" and wanted a break. We got back together a month later and have been together without breaking up for 18 months. We talked about everything and agreed to put it all behind us. She really wants to get engaged and I was considering it until this happened;She had a staff party about two months ago that apparently didn't allow partners, I accepted this, then she had another staff party, one month ago, again no partners.She then had a house party with her two female flat mates and didn't invite me. She did however invite her work colleagues and friends, men and women. Her work colleagues who had partners brought them along. I checked her txts and she invited at least three men. She still wants to get engaged however this is reminding me of everything that has happened in the past. She says I am over reacting. Am I over reacting or is it time to move on?Confused
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, thanks for all the advice. I wanted to believe that she genuinely forgot or thought it was too far for me to travel but I did ask to go to the previous two parties and she was very clear I wasn't invited - staff only. This party was not strictly staff only and so I could have gone, problem was I didn't find out about it until late that night when it would have been too late to drive down. I can't understand how she can remember to text her friends ( men and women) and not text me.. am I being naive still trying to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt?
Thanks for all your comments so far I appreciate them
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Ya know, looking the other way if it’s rocky in the beginning is not a great sign to me…
I would never want to have a party without my SO with me… In fact, except for girl time if it’s a co-ed event I WANT him by my side. AND, if I had an office event OUT of the office… (i.e. a party after hours) that partners were not welcome, unless it was an official mandatory work event I would not go….
I would think LONG and HARD about getting married to this woman.
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A
male
reader, eek  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 after seeing your update she is just like my ex. Be careful dont jump in and get married. If you stay with her Get all problems solved and doubts gone before you even think of proposing and give her a year or so to prove it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, thanks for all the advice, its hard to walk away when you love someone. The first 20 months were "rocky" as she called it, but we had been getting on a lot better this past year.
I had agreed not to bring up what happened in the past however this had brought all those memories back.
She thinks I am over reacting to say that I am thinking of finishing it just because of a party that was mostly for her work colleagues. I am currently living about a 3 hour drive from her house and she thought it would be too far for m to drive. At the end of the day though she invited men and women to her house party and chose not to invite me, the guys who had partners brought their other halves, the single ones obviously didn't. She s a bit suprised at my reaction and maybe I wouldn't normally respond like this except for the fact that it reminds me of all that happened in the past. ( I can forgive but it's harder to forget)
The other stuff that happened between us in the past was an awful lot worse than this, this feels like the straw that broke the camels back.
My family, after hearing about 1st time she finished with me always had their doubts, this just seems to back up what they have silently been thinking.
Bottom line she thinks I am over reacting in a big way to what was "only" a party and i should nt be dragging up the past, she is now really keen to go ahead and get engaged.
I am always inclined to see the positive things in people and want to give her the benefit of the doubt, my heart says yes but my head says no
Thanks a mil for all and any advice
Confused
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): She's using you, has no respect, she expected to live with you for free when she's in her late 20s, didn't invite you, the person closest to her, to her party/parties...says it all
Please end it, say good riddance and find a woman who does appreciate,love and respect you.Her actions show an immature and selfish character. You don't need that, imagine being married to her?
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (24 February 2012):
my advise. Dont get married to this woman. It sounds like she is not serious you.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Yes, definitely time - and way beyond time - to dump her and move on.
She's messed around with you FAR too much.......
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A
female
reader, Beaniepants +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Whaaaaat??
Seriously??
How can she possibly justify having a party she doesn't even invite her future husband to?
I'm not trying to be rude, but she sounds like a pain in the ass. The whole thing of not wanting to contribute (? She's 28?) along with telling you she wants to be engaged, then add the fact she wants to include other guys (but not you) in her social time sounds like one thing to me- she sounds like a user who wants you legally bound to her. How long would you be supporting your wife before she gets "fed up" and leaves you and takes half your shit??
All I can say is do not get engaged!!
What does your family/friends think of her??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): When a relationship doesn’t work it just doesn’t work. you may believe me after wasting few more years on her! How many times you want to try? She uses you as a safety blanket! Just move on and find someone who cares about you. Good luck
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