A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:this is a genuine honest question that i can't seem to understand. I've seen many questions on here about girls who are unhappy that their boyfriends watch porn. Thing is, I don't ask my boyfriend if he does because I assume he does for his own pleasure and if he does that's his choice, at the end of the day he's not sleeping with those woman so it doesn't bother me and I don't see how it's cheating... I can't seem to understand why girls find it's cheating and what the big deal is, if he lied and did it fair enough. But what is so bad about guys watching it... can someone please explain why it's apparently so bad and made to be a big deal?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): We Aunts and Uncles are here to help, not hurt. So lets keep our anger in check and focus on helping.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): Assumptions get people no where Cerberus.I also know that not all books, writing, texts were used in today's King James Bible. That some other important writings have been omitted. This is a historical fact by the way.You are unhelpful when it comes to religion. Cerberus you are usually are better at remaining calm, objective with just a bit of toughness tossed in. I like that about you.I cannot argue nor force you to believe in something you reject. That is you excercising your Free Agency and I can respect that. I know its hard for one such as you to be challenged. I did not intend to hurt you or attack you. I was merely poiting out that you do not use those scriptures in the true sense of their correct meaning.You can focus on your anger, hate and it is noted how you 'feel' about such things. I have read many of your posts and although I don't necessarily agree with all you have to say; I do believe your heart is a good one and you mean well.You came to this post and another Anon and her offering her humble opinion to this, sharing her views, which was a means to help and not harm; seemed to prove a trigger to you.So you came on here and thus, this thread is now a debate forum?That's not good.Ease Up There Dude.Its a differing value system and point of view is all. Relax.Do what you do Best- hit some more posts and let this anger in this one lapse.Is good?*extends hand*xo
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): Female anon the bible is the true word of god correct? Who are you to pick and choose the context of his words or presume to tell people the true meaning?
Who's to say your denomination's interpretation of the bible is the correct one?
What are you, 7 day adventist, Catholic, Protestant, born again? Why are there so many differing sects that say different things about the exact same book?
Sorry female anon but until you can point to the relevant section in the bible that relates directly to porn then it's completely irrelevant to this discussion, sure I may aswell use the Harry potter for reference, I'm sure I can twist and interpret the "true meaning" of what Rowling wrote to validate any argument I may have.
As with all Christians, you pick and choose what you like and ignore what sounds bad or try and twist it into "what god really meant" well he should come down and tell us what he "really meant" himself. He's an all powerful creator of everything, surely he could have spared some time over the past 2000 years to update us on his wishes, instead he has just abandoned us to a few loons who think they can speak for him. What kind of father abandons his children in such a way? Sounds like a deadbeat to me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): I am currently re-reading the Bible Cerberus and must say that you have taken those scripture references out of context.
It amazes me that such people do not post the ENTIRITY of the passage or chapter of such things to better reveal the full message, story, or lesson that is being taught.
Free agency is still free agency- we all have the right to choose what we do. There are also 'natural' consequences to such situations when the LEARNED person realizes that to misquote or omit relevant information from such passages is lowly and misrepresents such things -lying is never a sufficient enough reason to attempt to prove your point.
But I know some people are lazy and will not truly read the whole Book to truly get the ENTIRITY of the message that is in said book.
We are imperfect beings. History and the Bible showcase that mankind can choose to act degenerate but we can rise above this 'natural man' state and live Honest and have compassion for others. A part of that is yes, to not give in to lustful natures, jealousies, anger, hate. The lesser of emotions that bring on pain, mistrust, even war.
Lust is a base feeling. Its not instinct. We are not animals. We CHOOSE to act on things we feel. Even then we choose how we feel, interpret things in our environment.
Porn stirs up lust. Porn is in violation of intimacy and does not promote the true purpose of sexual intimacy.
Porn does not teach Men to Love, Honour, Cherish the Women in their lives. It debases and robs women of their true worth and value. Porn does not promote women are Daughters of God.
Porn does not build up the love and trust of Relationships that should be based on friendship, honesty.
Porn robs integrity from a man/woman.
Porn has proven to destroy marriages, families, and can lead to addictions.
Porn is about being selfish and does not teach to be selfless.
I have known and love men that know my stance on pornograpy and have given it up. They know my happiness comes first. They love and desire to see me loved, cherished and realize that they are happiest when they put me; our relationship FIRST before their own lusts, desires.
This is what builds the trust.
A strong, loving, confident woman that values her worth and a woman of intgerity DESERVES a Man of INTEGRITY.
Porn makes men weak and lowly and takes them away from what should be their true goal in this life- to be HONOURABLE MEN of GREAT INTEGRITY.
Not a man that has to get off to porn and feed his lust and puts his lust before his relationship. Selfish and ugly.
ICK!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): You are still young OP, and anyone else who's grown up with porn so readily available and free on the internet, really does not grasp the magnitude or how harmful porn can become.
For starters, the majority of porn is geared towards men. It's fake, it's not very realistic in the real world and often presented in a way to degrade women. Women who enter the world of porn are pretty messed up and come from unstable backgrounds, have been sexually abused, have gone down the wrong path and this is where they've landed. It's very rare if at all you will encounter a well educated, well rounded, together girl who decides they would like to do porn for a living. And then there is the sex traffficing of children/young adults who are abducted, forced, seduced and conned into this world with no means of getting out of it. People don't want to address this and turn a blind eye, because hey, they can get off in minutes watching something with such shock value. STD's run rampid and though suppose laws are in place, you won't see too many porn videos where they are actually practicing safe sex because it just doesnt sell as well in those close ups and basically useless anyway when a women is getting violated by multiple men and how hot men think it is to ejaculated all over her.
And then there is the up and coming issue with the affects porn is having on young men. This is where boys and older are now getting their sex education from. Porn is what they think sex is and how a regular person has sex with someone else. Men are having ED issues earlier and earlier because of their porn consumption. They cannot perform or can't quite figure out why what they are seeing is not what's really happening with a real women. There are polls out there and mature women are really beginning to complain how lousy men are becoming in bed. When men are young, they are learning, they are experimenting, but they are basically jack rabbits and their skills are somewhat limited. The older a man gets the more he learns about his partner and what he/she likes and does not like. It's not as much about him just getting off, it's now realizing how sexually arousing it is to be pleasuring their partner and her responses. These are things you can only learn from being with a real person. When a man is learning from porn, he assumes a women wants to have his penis shoved down her throat, slapped in the face and other various things, for examples.
The arguement is often women are insecure about porn. Well sure they are because they can't compete or don't want to compete with porn. They want to be loved, feel safe and not have an intimate relationship with someone who wants a performance and to be degraded and not feel special, like a women. They want to feel the same sexual desire and have their needs and wants met too, not to be a flop doll for their partner to only have his needs met and try to do the things he's watching in porn. They don't want to have their vagina's altered, or their boobs so ridiculously out of proportion, or have the means to correct all the real women flaws that porn skanks pay plenty to hide and correct.
Porn does NOT belong in a relationship unless both partners are aware and agree. If at any time one partner is not comfortable, does not want it to be part of their relationship, that's it. It's done. Either, you break it off and find someone who is into it, or you respect your partners wishes and take porn out of the relationship and stop watching it.
Porn obviously causes numerous problems in relationships and this far outweighs the couples who don't have a problem with it or watch regularly together or apart. It's a personal choice, but never, ever is it acceptable for a man to tell a women, this is what men do, get over it. This gives them an excuse for what they are choosing to do, it does not make it right or something a women has to accept or assume is part of having a boyfriend/husband.
There are plenty of men who do not have porn in their life. They have grown up, they have girlfriends/spouses they have an intimate relationships with,they are working/have careers, they have hobbies, they socialize with friends and family, they are raising children, they play sports, they volunteer, etc. etc., etc.
There is far too much evidence as well of primarily men becoming addicted to watching porn and all the problems that comes with that.
So, you wanted to understand what the big deal is? It's a really big deal. Some can handle it, but there are far too many who can't.
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (19 November 2012):
 The tiny penis was to try and get men to understand how some women feel about porn. The point has been heavily missed if you think I was being patronizing.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): I don't understand the need to insult the poster. But worse if you insult other people who answer the question.
If you want to attack someone who answered the question then use the private Mail option.
Insulting is not giving advice to this poster.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 "How many men do you know think small breasts are a deal breaker? They have no effect on the physical act at all, only an aesthetic thing."Plenty, also plenty of guys who won't go out with women because their breasts are too big or the color of their hair is wrong or their weight isn't right or their eye color isn't good or their nose is the wrong shape or their teeth are not good or their skin is the wrong color or they have or don't have freckles etc...Almost no women orgasm from a penis. Even ones who orgasm from vaginal penetration are orgasming because something is rubbing or tugging or poking or otherwise stimulating their clitoris. Men care about penis size WAY WAY WAY more than women do and tend to put this HUGE importance on it as though it's central to sex for women. If a woman isn't satisfied from sex the answer is almost never because his penis isn't good enough or because of anything having to do with a penis.And even if it was that important, it is irrelevant because you are talking about LOOKING at big penises, not "using" them. So you are talking about a 100% purely visual thing.They are the same. There isn't one kind of self-esteem issue that's worst because it impacts a guy's sense of manliness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): Sorry female reader but Jesus had how many romantic and sexual relationships?
Yeah, not exactly an expert in the field as he had zero experience.
Also:
'When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.' (Deuteronomy 25:11-12)
'But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.'
(Deuteronomy 22: 20-21)
'Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing. But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go.'
(Judges 19:24-25)
'Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.'
(Ephesians 5:22-24)
No thanks, I'll not take my cue on how to treat women, romance, relationships from a 2000 year old book that thinks women are impure, property of men. I may disagree on a lot of issues as regards gender or have a different outlook on life as some women but not one woman is in any way beneath me.
If god wants me to act a certain way then it/they/he/she really should release an updated second edition of their "rules of life".
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): "Sorry there is no difference whatsoever between this and women feeling insecure about larger breasts or flatter stomachs."
Okay then explain how having bigger breasts or flat stomach does anything to enhance physical sexual pleasure of intercourse. There is a very real disadvantage to having a tiny penis when the woman cannot feel any friction at all. You don't insert your breasts or stomach into anything. Big boobs, small boobs have absolutely no effect on intercourse at all. None. I can have sex with a big boobed girl the exact same way I can with a small boobed one, can you say the same about sex between a guy with a tiny penis and one with a huge penis? Nope. Two very different styles and two very different feelings. Name one woman you have ever known in your life who prefers a tiny penis. I can't name one. But I can name plenty of guys who far more prefer tiny boobs and a curves on a woman, like I do. Can you really say there are that many women out there who would choose a "teeny weeny" penis and have it as a preference?
You're really saying that penis size has no effect on how it feels inside you? You're saying that breasts and flat stomach have the same physical effect? Sorry person12345 but I don't know any woman who thinks there isn't a difference, whether it's important to her is another matter, but there is a very real physical effect there, not just a mental one and you only have to look at the number of women who say that a tiny penis is a deal breaker to see this is the case.
How many men do you know think small breasts are a deal breaker? They have no effect on the physical act at all, only an aesthetic thing.
In terms of mental insecurity then they may feel similar, but a guy with a girl who is unhappy with her breasts is very different to a woman who thinks her sex life is crap because she simply can't feel enough friction for it even feel good.
Big difference.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 November 2012):
"You see so when his girlfriend looks at porn of big dicks it's pointing out a very real physical flaw."
Sorry there is no difference whatsoever between this and women feeling insecure about larger breasts or flatter stomachs. Just because you say men don't notice, doesn't mean many women aren't still insecure about it. Women say all the time how little penis size matters but men still often care. Penis size has nothing to do with sexual pleasure for women, it's not a flaw for most women. Just because you personally don't care doesn't mean others also don't. Many men are insecure about their penis size, many women are insecure are about their breast size.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): Jesus said:
"But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman TO lust
after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
Matthew 5:28
Ok yes this is bible why did Jesus say this? First each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
Second there must have to be a desire to look at naked woman, not just plain looking at a woman who has clothes on but a desire to see with out clothes is the problem.
In the beginning God created marriage to be unbroken one man one woman no second third wife personally just found that out. Why because divorce brings heart ache broken hearts not only for the people involved but the children. Porn is the other woman that for fills the fantasy his wife cant for fill so as he thinks. The woman on the computer dost talk back has a better body younger what ever it maybe that draws the man or woman in to looking at this.Yes it can make sex better but deep down inside whose image is it flashing in his mind through out the day? not his wife or her husband don't lie your self it dose flash in your mind it burns images. then if your husband is not around or your wife is on her period your all alone do ya think its your wife's picture or your husband that you mater-bate too i think not. So it plan you lust after the woman or man other then your woman you think of her him other then your wife its taking away your desire for the what is sopossed to be the I promise to be faithful one and only I do marriage vows wife or husband there for emotional disconnecting to her. Now what is happening to her or him they are question what is wrong with me, am i pretty enough what can I do to make you dis ire me these questions should not be the worry of your spouse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): "Can a guy with a teeny weeny penis please answer the question as to whether you would feel insecure if your partner wanted to watch porn with guys with big cocks?"
I fail to relevance of your patronizing question. What you think some guy is going to come here and reply "yes I have a teeny weeny penis"? That's like me asking if any 'whale women' want to tell me what it's like to be fat.
It's a moot point, a guy with a small penis is going to have issues with the size regardless of porn and besides penis size is a practical issue that does change the physical nature of sex, big and small penises feel different and small ones are far less pleasurable if even at all.
"I've just searched "tiny penis" on Dear Cupid and the guys on there seemed furious that the lady writing said she could not go out with a guy because he had a tiny penis. So really, what is the difference?"
It's apples and oranges for you to compare. Having a small penis is nothing like being jealous of porn. So you say a guy a tiny penis who is already going to have major issues with his penis not doing so well. You see so when his girlfriend looks at porn of big dicks it's pointing out a very real physical flaw. A guy looking at women in porn is not looking at a woman who is in any way better than his partner to him, it's all in her head. It's not the same at all. A woman's body issues and how fat she thinks she is when she's actually not are not even nearly comparable to having a small penis that really doesn't do a good job of sex.
The girl in your scenario should just go leave and find someone who satisfies her instead. As should any man whose girlfriend has no libido or is just a crap lay instead of turning to porn for those reasons.
I have a just above average size, my girlfriend likes to see porn with huge dicks in it, doesn't bother me in the slightest. She's allowed her fantasies, I don't own her sexuality.
"special word"
Not a special word a factual description.
Poor attempt to be insulting Happy Place, condescension invalidates your points, seeing as you didn't even bother to look it up as clearly evident by your next statements. It's kind of clear that you just have a major issue against men.
"As regards to there being a special word for guys that like teenagers, it still does not make it right."
Whether you think being attracted to teens is wrong or not it's a fact, and it's not wrong, it just can't be acted upon by adults as that is wrong, in some countries.
"A 12/13 year old who is well developed - does not make her fair game for an older man who has a thing for teenage girls. Of course it does not."
A 12 year old is not a teen and no one said it made them fair game for anything.
"Equally, a young developing girl should be protected by predatory men!"
Of course they should, just as young men should be protected from other men and from the many women who prey on them too. Women are just as capable of being predators too and their numbers are on the rise. In fact female teachers are statistically more likely to develop a relationship with a young teen boy or girl than male teachers and the cases of female predation are on the rise too.
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (16 November 2012):
Can a guy with a teeny weeny penis please answer the question as to whether you would feel insecure if your partner wanted to watch porn with guys with big cocks? I've just searched "tiny penis" on Dear Cupid and the guys on there seemed furious that the lady writing said she could not go out with a guy because he had a tiny penis. So really, what is the difference? As regards to there being a special word for guys that like teenagers, it still does not make it right. A 12/13 year old who is well developed - does not make her fair game for an older man who has a thing for teenage girls. Of course it does not. I wouldn't dream of looking at a young man of that age - I think it is sick. Equally, a young developing girl should be protected by predatory men!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): I think that insecurity is the CONSCIOUS reason women are upset, disappointed, and sometimes even lose attraction as a result of their men watching porn. I believe that underneath, it's because women desire strong men. And when they find out their men have given into temptation (even if it isn't real life), it's a sign of weakness, hence the disappointment. Then they lose attraction because they see their men aren't as strong as they once thought. I'm not saying this is true for every woman, but that's just a theory I have as to why it upsets a lot of them. I'm like you, and I couldn't care less. I don't have a "perfect" body, nor do I desire to have the "perfect" bodies you typically see in porn. I know it's not real. It's all surgery, makeup, and clever lighting. It would be a waste of time for me to try and compete with that. I also know I don't have to. There are also plenty of women in real life who I think have better bodies and faces than mine, but my husband still chose me. And if he ever tried to make me feel I'm not good enough because I'm not picture perfect, then he wouldn't be my husband for very long. I simply wouldn't put up with someone who wanted to live in a fantasy world.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2012):
 In my book cheating is ANYTHING you can't won't or don't tell your partner.
If my husband went to the race track and spent money and did not tell me, that's cheating.
I know he looks at porn. We've looked at it together so to me it's not cheating. And I don't feel intimidated by it. Him looking at porn does not, in my mind, diminish his love for me or our relationship.
I have looked at enough porn in my life that when I "take care of myself" some of those scenes may pass through my brain.... to me it's no big deal.
BUT, I can totally respect anyone who does not want to be with a partner that does not watch porn.
I think that there are enough men in this world that don't watch it that most women who abhor it for whatever reasons (and those are personal and I accept that too) can find partners that meet their needs.
I think for me the issue that upsets me the most is the women who don't like their partners watching porn due to self-esteem issues.
Disliking porn for ETHICAL reasons seems to me to be a better stance than disliking porn because you think your man wants the woman on the screen more than you... or that you think you are not worthy.
I guess if I had a man who actually did prefer the porn to being in bed with me, I would feel different (well no I wouldn't because I would not tolerate a man who used porn to exclude me from his sexual life, that would NOT be acceptable)
For me, it's not about the porn or the masturbating UNLESS it's going to impact on my needs/wants/desires. And to be honest, I have always had a man who looked at porn. My daddy kept Playboys and Penthouse mags in his night table when I was a kid growing up and mom knew... so I was raised to be accepting of it...
My current husband looks at porn. And then he comes to bed and loves on me.... seems like a win win for me.
of course if he looked at porn and rubbed one out without me and came to bed and turned his back on me, I am sure I would find porn unacceptable as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): "Note, it seems it is always the women dressing up to please their man - it's all very one sided."
That's because women love to dress up and feel sexy. We guys are less about that, we don't dress up to feel sexy in the same way, just look at how much lingerie there is for men in comparison to women for example. Women prefer to be the ones complimented and have our jaws drop over how great they look, it's not as important to us. Besides all I have to do is wear a t-shirt to have women gush over my biceps and want to run their fingers over my abs. No effort at all. You'll rarely meet a guy that does anything more than put on a clean shirt and pants, have a shower and gel his hair before going on a night out.
My girlfriend spends hours just shopping for the right dress, then more hours getting accessories, then more hours finding make-up and matching eye shadow, then more hours finding shoes, then more hours actually getting ready. For one night out my girlfriend will basically spend a full 12 hours 100's of bucks in a day just getting everything together to head out for three hours. Me? 30 minutes to find clothes, 30 minutes to shower, shave, get dressed and done.
Women love to play dress up and they look better and are better than us at doing it, we guys just don't put the same importance into how we look in order to attract attention (although I must say that seems to be changing now and more and more men become anorexic, wear fake tan, get cosmetic surgery etc. it's quite weird). Plus we rarely get asked. I love dressing up as a fireman to surprize my girlfriend, grab her from the couch, throw her over my shoulder then onto the bed, or put on my tux and pretend to be a secret agent during role play, but it's the role I play and not how I look that is sexy to her. The look only enhances it.
"What about the "barely legal" genre - ever wondered why teachers run off with a 15 year old in their class?"
Sorry but that's ridiculous. Google ephebophilia, liking young teens has always been a thing, throughout our history. Google history of age of consent and you'll see that it is only very recently that has become somewhat taboo and only in certain countries too. Women feel the same way too, otherwise why would they spend billions on cosmetics and surgery to remain looking young? 'Youth is beauty'. While teenage girls (and boys) may not be emotionally or mentally mature, we humans mature sexually quite young in a biological sense. Teenage girls have all the parts we like in women, boobs etc. except their boobs are much more firm and pert, no sag in any of their body parts, their faces are soft, blemish free, their skin is generally perfect, they're less likely to have stretchmarks, cellulite etc. they show off a lot more of their body than most adult women do too, barely there hot pants and tops or yoga pants/leggings. Plus in a mental aspect there's the presumption of innocence, they're far more easily dominated, led, convinced than experienced adult women, they're far more adventurous, excitable, they're far less likely to have had a lot of partners so less chance of RJ, yes the "purity" thing. Far less likely to be bitter over past relationships, less likely to have trust issues (well that's the presumption anyway). The list goes on and on, it's a well documented and researched and completely normal thing. I have a teenage sister and just walking down the road with her it's insane the amount of guys that openly glare, stare, honk their horns etc.
I'm not gushing over them here, just stating reasons why. It's nothing to do with porn, the popularity of barely legal and teen genres comes from this already existing attraction. It's not created by that. If you can't see how all the traits I listed would be attractive to most men then perhaps you'll understand why most women find a successful, strong, confident and powerful older man appealing. It works both ways. I don't know many women that lust after an inexperienced teenage boy, but I've known plenty of teenage girls who lust after older, powerful successful men. I know plenty of women that lust after George Clooney but almost none who lust after Justin Bieber.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): "Cerebrus, you never did tell me why you search porn using incognito search?"
That's easy, porn sites are notorious for tracking cookies, spyware and malware so I browse incognito to prevent those. I also have adblock and autorun flash turned off for similar reasons. Plus who knows, maybe this relationship won#'t last forever and I enter a new one, better to have good habits and leave no traces so no issues ever arise from my usage. Not that it would anyway, I've never dated a girl who hated it, nor really met all that many Irish girls opposed to it except staunchly Catholic ones.
My girlfriend knows what kind of porn I like, she sends me the best quality videos and pictures of that all the time. Incognito is the best way to browse any site with a high risk of infection.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): What I want to know is how can it not bother you? He is getting hard and tossing off over another a woman then comes back to you.
I can't stand it that's why I'm single. Dumped my last boyfriend because of it, why would I settle when I can get someone not that interested or has no interest at all?
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (15 November 2012):
Perhaps it is to do with pair bonding. If a man is seeking out other images and looking elsewhere for his sexual satisfaction, then that is not good for the relationship. I remember years ago seeing a picture of a lioness attacking a lion who had decided to sniff out another female - are we really any different? No, we aren't. Call it jealousy, insecurity, call it what you like. It makes zilch difference to how some women feel about this. Imagine you were a guy and you had a teeny weeny penis and your woman sought out pictures of guys with big dicks - will you tell me that guy wouldn't feel a tad insecure over this? Would he feel he wasn't satisfying his gal because she had a need to check out guys with big cocks!!! We've had questions before on this and I believe that men who regularly view porn, find their partners less attractive. These type of men also check out women's tits and arse in public; have you ever had a guy do that to you? I have always found it really uncomfortable when this has happened to me. Men seem to want to have two very different lives, and they will lie to achieve this. The good, solid partner who doesn't tell his wife about his porn useage, yet at any opportunity he will seek out images of other women. Then perhaps he will cheat and leave her because he has been tempted by what he has seen. What about the "barely legal" genre - ever wondered why teachers run off with a 15 year old in their class? Or guys want their gal to dress up like a schoolgirl. Note, it seems it is always the women dressing up to please their man - it's all very one sided. I really don't see how porn can positively affect anyone's relationship. Perhaps do an experiment in which you watch porn with your man and see how it goes. Then try without the porn to see if there is any significant difference?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 November 2012):
 I think mostly it is about jealousy. After all most men also don't like it if their women drool to obviously about say Titanic or even worse Twilight (Come on, admit it, no woman ever went to see those movies for the plot)
We want to feel like we are everything to our partner, that we fulfill all their wants and needs. Porn rather says that at least one want isn't exclusively satisfied by you. That hurts but should it?
If you cook for your partner, finding he/she has eaten outdoors, is that an issue? You would be suprised. It is an issue were most cooks accept that there are pro-cooks out there who are better but beware of actually stating this in a relationship. Never say "oh my male co-worker can really grill a steak well" to your hubby when he is grilling his meat.
In real life, when you get beyond the teenage fantasies of couples, the rule is that both sides know they are not their dream partner but keep silent about it. You don't say you wish he/she had bigger tits/penis because you just don't.
Because deep down we are all insecure about ourselves and don't need to be reminded of our shortcomings at home. It is not just women either, there are plenty of posts on this forum about men who try to extend themselves posted by their wives who don't see the point because it is not them who is unhappy about it. And many a partner of a women with a smaller cupsize is perfectly happy yet she wants them to be bigger.
It is when this insecurity couples with a feeling of not being enough that people get upset when their partners eyes wander. It can be looking on the street, porn or even just being friends with people your partner thinks are competition.
Finally, there is a far simpler reason so women don't like it. The erection is in limited supply. If the woman wants more sex then she is getting, she might feel cheated out of sex when her partner goes solo. How would you feel if you wanted to see a movie with your bf and he went and saw it on his own?
For many it isn't about the porn perse but about self doubt and doubts about the relationship.
Good for you are not insecure about 2d women but lets wait until YOU are lying in bed alone while your partner is downstairs watching porn rather then be up there with you.
I am not saying the women freaking out about porn are right, just that the issue isn't usually about purely porn but about the relationship not working out. After all, said woman would also be alone in bed if her bf was playing games, out drinking, watching soccer, working late etc etc.
You could say that porn should only be a substitute for women... fine... but women, then romantic drivel like Twilight should only be a substitute for men, so no watching it when you got one. Okay?
And if you are both okay with porn AND don't watch Twilight... womankind might just decide to show you as an example to all women. There are a lot of women, so they will have to cut you up into very small bits. (Apologies to Terry Pratchett)
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reader, VenusFlowerBasket +, writes (15 November 2012):
It's pretty simple, a man will tell you it's a basic instinct to want to impregnate every attractive female he sees, therefore he watches porn, gets turned on, and knocks one out. Brain rewards his 'seed spreading' with a hit of feel good chemicals, reinforcing the behaviour. Woman's basic instinct reactive brain catches partner 'spreading seed' with multiple other partners and feels threatened, after all a father with one child can afford more time and care than a father with many. You don't have any control over reactive emotions, they are there for your survival. Cerebrus, you never did tell me why you search porn using incognito search? Makes no sense if your lady doesn't mind you watching.Tbh I have yet to find any woman who gushes over male celebs with anywhere near the same fervor with which men defend their porn, if at all. Men say we are wired differently and yet they still insist on making ridiculous comparisons.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): If you don't then fine. There are plenty of women that do. I do have a problem with him watching porn if we are in a relationship. If you don't cool. But when he can't please you because he already got off watching then you'll understand. I really don't care if you're single but why look at when your have a real pu**y right next to you. No we are not going to be on the same wavelength all the tike but damn don't you have to run to a computer screen when it won't happen. Don't you have something better to do like clean or something? Its ALWAYS something to do.
I tell you what. For all the people who feel like its no big deal. The next time you don't get get your partner "off" they turn to it and tell you that hey well I decided to do it myself. What's the bfd?
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reader, person12345 +, writes (15 November 2012):
Do you think it's cheating if your boyfriend talks to other women? There are some couples who do. Do you think it's cheating if your boyfriend has sex with other women? Some couples don't. Cheating is not the same to everyone. Some women don't mind their boyfriends pretending to have sex with other women, most do, but a large portion don't.
It's not a power thing as all unless you think the majority of women are insecure power-hungry control freaks (the majority of women are bothered by it). It's far less controlling than say, demanding your partner never ever is sexual with anyone else again, like in monogamy.
Personally I view porn like a drug and I'm not OK with it at all. I've used it way more than he has in the past and my sex life was way better without than with.
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reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (15 November 2012):
 I'm a guy and I understand it. Your girl just wants you to look at her. I get that. I wouldn't want her slobbering over other guys either, not that i would be that bothered. its more competitive with women which is why they have all the makeup and sexy clothes. a man can't help checking out women and women do too. some women are jealous like my ex to the point of throwing away any pictures of ex girlfriends and breaking into a jealous rage if there's the least bit of interest in another woman. some are like you. porn is pretty impersonal but women usually find it threatening to their relationship. it can be too if a man gets so used to self stimulation that he can't be bothered with the real thing. that happens more than you would think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): There's loads of reasons women get like that.
Insecurity is the biggest reason I find or so that's what they'd like me to believe. I don't mean in any way to deride anyone who views porn negatively but most of what I see on this site is from insecure women when it comes to porn. They take porn as negative reflection of themselves. Think they must not pretty enough for him to not want to look at other women. If a guy can't only ever look at them for the rest of their lives then they've failed and aren't as beautiful as they thought (are as ugly as they thought), or as special as Disney has raised them to believe they have to be.
Insecurity leads to jealousy and your competitive nature. Somehow because he looks at porn he cannot like her "regular" imperfect body anymore, he must desire big fake tits or any other body part that specific woman hates about herself.
Inadequacy, she feels she must not be able to properly satisfy her man if he has to masturbate to other women. Basically a shitty understanding of how we guys work.
Moral objections, porn women are abused junkies apparently, or it's against their beliefs.
I've had many long discussions with my psychologist girlfriend after coming on this site, we both enjoy porn as a tool and she's read many of the articles, questions and replies here. We've come to conclusion it's an ownership/power/domination kind of thing. Similar to how you may not be comfortable with your partner being close to an ex.
Complete control of her man's sexuality basically. Only what she approves of and it can be only her too. Basically wanting to rule over his penis and only allow him pre-approved pleasure. It's not necessarily a conscious decision or something they're even aware of but it's about having power over a man's pleasure to satisfy their own egos or insecurities. To validate themselves by controlling the cock, which is traditionally a symbol of a man's power essentially emasculating him. Not only that but wanting to control his fantasies too, the same women only ever want their partner to think of them when they think anything at all about sex.
That may sound strange but I have yet to see anything that disproves it. Nothing at all.
The cheating thing is emotional blackmail, you may aswell say using a vibrator is cheating. It's not even close to that and these women know it too, they just use that to garner and extreme emotive response.
Now the above is just assuming there are no real negative effects that are having an effect on the relationship.
Such things as poor quality sex life due to overuse of porn, mental instability due to addiction, use of porn that is morally wrong (child etc.), loss of libido etc. That stuff is understandable as a problem, the rest is just about control and using every tool in the inventory to attack a man;'s base sexuality, to get into his head and make her the only source of his fantasies. If I came on here, tying to control my girlfriends sexuality the same way, she couldn't have a vibrator, no looking at any pictures of other guys, no reading romance books, watching romance movies, no fantasy at all only allowed to think of me, not allowed to masturbate or satisfy herself sexually without me then I'd be shot, or you'd get those "I only have eyes for the guy I'm with" girls who would say they agree to that. Or if I told people I was having massive problems with my girlfriend watching romance movies they'd laugh in my face and tell me I have no right to control who arouses her romantic emotions and makes her wet.
We have to tolerate that they can gush over raunchy male popstars, topless movie hunks etc. but it's not acceptable when we do it. To those kind of girls.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): i'm with you on that. i see no issues with it at all. i don't think it's remotely like cheating, and i see no reason for it to be upsetting. to answer your question, i think it becomes damaging to a relationship if it becomes obsessive or if he can't get off with his gf anymore due to too much porn watching.
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