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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old and in my second year of college. My dream career is to become a veterinarian but ever since I started college, I've been questioning what I want to be when I graduate. And because of this, I don't feel like I want to continue college. I hate my school because I have no friends and even back at home, I have few friends, so I'm basically alone all the time, besides my family, which sometimes seem to not be there. And I know I'm young, I have a long life ahead of me, but I want a baby. My two closest and best friends both just had babies this year, and now I feel I wont be able to talk to them without the topic of their baby coming up. I don't have a problem with it, but now I feel even more alone then before because I no longer relate to them- they're both teen moms.! I just feel like I'm the only person without a baby, and some may say that's a good thing, and to not follow the crowd, but I've always been the "oddball" and I never fit in with my friends, so this just adds to that list- one more thing I don't have any experience in. Am I the only one who feels like this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@natasia i dnt hve a bf, me and my bf broke up in october and hvnt technically gotten baq together, but still talk, i see him all tha tyme, our relationship is more off again then it is on. And bcuz of that, i wuldnt even consider hvin a kid with sumbody whu i cnt even be stable with, without a baby@mr anoymous thnxx soo much for ur feedback, yu completely understood where i was coming frm. and yu didnt jump on me for how I felt, so I appreciate it. =)
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reader, Orbiter  +, writes (26 March 2011):
You are most definitely not alone in wanting that lifestyle, it just sounds as though you've been unlucky in not finding anyone (as of yet) who shares it.If you feel alone now though, then you would probably feel a whole lot worse being stuck in the house, alone with a dependant baby and it being ten times as difficult to change/improve your situation. You won't automatically make friends this way and trust me, for a good few years the baby won't be the company you want.From your reply though you do sound like you've thought this through and are just feeling down at the moment. How have you tried to change your situation? Is it possible to change colleges but remain on the same course? Are there any classes you can take or events you can go to that you're interested in? Are you friendly with any groups of people on your course, maybe try talking to them a bit more, see how it goes? Maybe even try just talking to people online (so long as you're safe with it) so you can meet people more like you. I'll admit it's usually not as easy as all that but you either work(hard) on changing what you're unhappy about or you don't and remain as you are.
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reader, natasia +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Just one question: do you have a partner? It sounds like you are on your own - so how would you have a baby, anyhow?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI completly understand the points you guys are making. And I'm not saying I'm GOING to go out and have a baby. Ever since I was younger, and I guess thanks to tv shows, I've always dreamed of finishing college, getting a great paying job, and then finding a man, getting married AND THEN having a kid. That's STILL what I want to do. But what I'm saying, is I feel like I'm alone in this dream. All my best friends that I once related to, I no longer relate to. And since I dnt have a bf, I depended a lot on my friends to be there for me, but now that they have babies, I completely feel alone again. And I understand when I'm older, with a family, and work, being alone may be a good thing but right now, at only 20 years old, who wants to be alone and secluded??? The thought of me having a kid crossed my mind, not only because I'm lonely, but because I feel like since I dnt have a social life, right now, as a young adult, what would I be losing?? Not "Fun times with friends" or "going out to parties" because I dont do that stuff now. And with college, no offense, but everybody makes it seem like its gunna disappear if I dnt finish now. I could always go back to college. But, it is true that its important, and this much I know. And I'm going to try my hardest to finish now and not become a teen mom, because I dnt want to be another teen statistic. Don't get me wrong, guys, I'm not a stupid girl, I just feel alone. Thanks, though, I'll find a way to get over it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): It's a perfectly natural feeling. We all consider having more kids when one of our friends has a baby.It must be worse in your position, as you'd be feeling that your friends have moved on with their lives and you are still stuck at school.I'm afraid you've got about five more years of their babies being the centre of their lives. That is unavoidable for them. But here's the thing, they will feel like *they* are missing out, like they are being anchored by the baby whilst the world passes them by. And a friend without a baby, with news of the outside world, who takes them of Baby World once in a while, that's a precious friend. Do offer to babysit when the baby is old enough -- that's what friends and grandparents do, and it doesn't take much real life contact with a baby to dampen those maternal urges.Also, you've got the mid-degree blues. It's not uncommon in longer courses of study. The best way to handle this is to engage with the subject --- so go to the pub with the other people in your course, and volunteer in a related field (in your case, maybe an animal shelter).Obviously the clever thing to do is to finish the degree and then have kids. But you know that. I would warn that baby making takes two. And that in aiming to "have a baby" rather than "have a relationship" you run the risk of deeply hurting your partner.
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reader, SlaYerAddict9007 +, writes (25 March 2011):
 Stay in college. I'm planning on going to college. I don't see why people want to be teen moms. You throw away your social life, teens should enjoy being a teen. You, on the other hand, are in college, I can understand feeling lonely and not being able to relate, but dont follow what your friends, be a role model to them,although it might be a little late for that, but, stay in school. You won't regret it.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 I back up all that Chigirl says and ,to stay with the animal theme, I add : don't be ignorant as a goat and stubborn as a mule !Frankly, I can't believe that you are 20 ( not a teen anymore ) and a college student ( smart and relatively educated ) and you can want a baby just to have something to talk about with your friends ! And, I can't believe I am saying something that I had sworn I'd never say to a young person , but here I am :if all your friends would decide to jump off a cliff, would you jump too ??Making a baby out of loneliness is one of the most superficial and misguided reasons ever. There is no need to screw up your future and give up one of the most precious thing you can have in life- an education - because you feel bored and a bit lonely. Work instead on making new ( and different ! ) friends to spend your time with, it may be challenging if you are a shy ,withdrawn type, but challenging does not mean impossible and anyway that's about a tenth of how hard it is raising a kid as a single mom. Expand your interests, pursue hobbies, practice sports, volunteer, join a drama a club or a a book club... do something- there are dozens of things you can do to meet people and spend time pleasantly.AND/OR, if you really can't do anything at the moment, don't be afraid of your aloneness, make friends with it. You will realize in time, - when you'll be swamped with work and a family and running a house and lots of people demanding your attention - that being alone may also be a privilege , a special condition where to get in touch with your true self.Whatever you do- don't be a fool- stay in school ! requiring your attention -
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 Don't be a sheep. You do realize just how silly it is to want a baby just so you can fit in with your friends? Make your life decisions based on what's best for YOU, not what makes you "fit" in a crowd or something up the lines of that. Im getting a feeling you're not being serious about wanting a child though, luckily. It's just a drifting feeling that comes now, and you're thinking about it, but you've not reached any conclusions on anything. When one of my best friends got pregnant she wanted me to get pregnant as well. And yes, I got bit by the baby-bug, thinking how wonderful it'd be to be preggers myself... Except, my way of wanting to get a family is different from how my friend did it. My friend got "accidentally" pregnant at 18. That's not the way I want to make a family. If I got accidentally pregnant I'd be fine with it, but my dream is to have a MAN in my life, preferably married, with a steady income, and then together decide on a baby. I don't want to just stop taking my birth control, wind up pregnant with a man who I don't know is a good man and maybe next year he'll be out of the picture, and have my child end up with lots of half siblings because later in life I find a man who's worth sticking to. Having that first child move from home to home, being a bridge between two parents who can't communicate with each other any longer etc. What you need is new friends, maturity and independence. What you don't need is to quit your studies and have a baby. Start studying something else, or take years off to work if that's what you want. But don't land yourself preggers and at home with no education or work experience.
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reader, lakers_lover09 +, writes (25 March 2011):
College isnt for everyone and in thos day and age u dnt HAVE to have a diploma to succeed. There are a lot of alternatives that lead to great jobs too. Just be sure that you wouldnt regret dropping out one day. As f our r the baby, they talk about good times but the bad is there too trust me. nabies r expensive! They are time consumimg and u sacrafice ur whole life for them until they are eighteen! Lol so both of these decisions take an ample amoumt of thought.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): Oh no. Go to college. how do you expect to take care of the baby without a decent job? Trust me you will be the winner in your friend circle. Babies F'in suck. They are little life suckers. Eventually the babies get older. A child is for life. You feel alone and thats why you want a baby, so something will love you. Trust me this is not the way to get love. Take up a hobby. Find different friends without babies. You can still talk to your friends with babies, but that way it will be balanced. I have many friends with babies and some without and I do just fine. Believe it or not I love kids, but that's what I have nephews and friends for tho. Don't have a baby you will regret it.
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