A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Heya, i just found out I'm pregant but I dont know who the father is, I went to butlins about four weeks ago and I sleet with 3 boys, ( I didn't know them or talk any numbers or anything) a week later I slept with two more boys, ( I know these boys and are in regular contact ) I don't know what to do, I really believe I should get rid of it because it's not fair not growing up without a father, or me not being able to give it watever it want and resenting it for me not being about to have a life ( I know it's sounds bad ) but I then think of the people who can't have children, but there not me Please help and suggest anything cos I don't knw what to do ?? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (12 August 2012):
some really good answers on here. I would say get some counselling before and after the abortion, it will help you no end. just remember you are doing your best to make a good decision and it is great that you are thinking this out well. none of the options are easy but you have to do what you think is best. just make sure you go somewhere where the counselling isnt judgemental and pressuring you into keeping it. good luck. let us know how you get on x
A
female
reader, MissTellAll  +, writes (11 August 2012):
 I'm so sorry for what you are about to go through, and I suggest getting therapy immediately afterward. See if there are any suggestions at the clinic.
If you think this abortion is the best decision for you and your life then go through with it. It will be difficult but there is no easy answer in this situation. Especially considering the fact that the father refuses to be in the picture, this may be the best choice.
Do not let anyone's opinion other than your own affect your ultimate decision. Not here or in real life. This is your body and your life and anyone who tries to change your mind isn't the one carrying that baby, or dealing with the emotional state after giving it away/aborting it.
With all of my heart, I truly wish you the best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 August 2012):
 I'm sorry he isn't even caring about how it affects you.
I think most you guys who aren't in a relationship and some who are responds that way to hearing that they got someone pregnant.
Like they can magically wish it away.
Good luck and chin up.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAgain thanks for ur answers but since I write this uv had a scan, which shows I'm 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I didn't know I was this far gone as I only thought I was 4 - 5 weeks. I now know who the father is as i didn't sleep with any1 within two weeks of him and it landed and the day we slept together. I do know this boy but not well and have contacted him. He 1st tried to deny it was his but then realised the dates matched and was begging me to get rid of it. he is now ignoring me, I'm still confussed but have booked an abortion
...............................
A
female
reader, misfitschik66  +, writes (9 August 2012):
 There is going to be so many opinions on this question and now I am going to give you my opinion and experience
I was in the EXACT situation you are in now 5 years ago! except i had taken plan b and i still got pregnant so the risks were that the baby was going to pass away any ways and the doctors told me this (i had a miscarriage a year before) and i really didn't want to go through with the possibility of it happening again
what did I do?
it took me two weeks to decide what I was going to do i have so many people in my ear the whole time
my mom told me that she would support me with whatever i decided to do
the guy I was dating told me to abort
my ex told me to keep it
my friends said put it up for adoption
after a long hard battle with my emotions I booked an appointment and I aborted and believe it was extremely tough to do but in the end I knew i would never be able to be a mom this child deserved and in my head i knew giving it up for adoption would be even worse for my mental health
I had to go to therapy sessions for a year after and i learned from what i did that at the time i made that decision it was the right one for me and for my future mental health aswell
I am now married and I'm heading for a great career and soon going to own my own home these are things i could have never had if i decided to keep the child and if it hadn't of passed away PLUS not knowing if my ex was the father he would still probably be in my life destroying it any chance he got
and personally if i had of put the baby up for adoption i would be thinking about how he/she was doing every day and it would break my heart thinking about it and my mental health would take a nose dive
don't take my experience as a dun deal I'm just stating that this is what i did and how my life turned out
you honestly need sit down by yourself without anyone pressuring you into decisions that will affect YOUR life and work out "can i do this on my own?" because that's a huge possibility
or "can I properly care for this child and it's needs?"
and "can I live with not knowing who the father is unless i take a dna test?"
and if those answers are all no then you need to decide what the best option is for you and your mental and emotional health
Can you Handle going through an abortion because I'm going to tell you right now it takes a strong person and an open mind to do it and if you are normally around people who don't believe in abortion then you need to be able to handle the comments they make as well
OR
can you handle handing your child over to a family the moment it comes out of your body? because that is an even harder thing to do and it takes a VERY strong person to do this
AND you are going to have to be strong for the rest of your life knowing your child is out there somewhere and wondering if he/she is ok and just trusting he/she is in good hands
weight all your options and then make a decision that best suits you and run with it there is no turning back once you make this decision so make damn sure it the best one for firstly you and then the fetus/baby
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2012): So you wouldn't be able to give your baby away, but you would have no problem killing it via abortion? That makes no sense. Just have the baby. Do the right thing. You got pregnant, bite the bullet and have the baby and all the sacrfices that go with motherhood will teach you some maturity, some humility and some common sense.
...............................
A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (2 August 2012):
then Im afraid either it is abortion or keeping it, so talk it over with a counsellor. as you are under 25 Brook would be the best place to go. good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for you answers but I was on the pill and i wouldn't consider adoption as I couldn't give my baby away, if I was to carry on with the pregnancy I would keep the baby myself as I couldn't give my baby away but thanks for ur options
...............................
A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (29 July 2012):
you are thinking this out well which is good. I would advise you get some pregnancy counselling from somewhere non judgemental like Brook Advisory Service who can help you and also point you in the right direction. also after this unfortunate incident make sure you get yourself on some reliable contraception. good luck and also if you have abortion get counselling after that too. x
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Reply to anon female quote: "I am certain you would give this little human being the best you could and offer a lot of care and love. Loving your child as you are already doing will guide you right."
Sorry, but finding oneself knocked up after serial casual semi-anonymous multi-partner hook-ups does not bestow the saintly glow of motherhood on any random ovulating female.
OP: "not fair not growing up without a father, or me not being able to give it watever it want and resenting it for me not being about to have a life ( I know it's sounds bad )"
Not bad at all, realistic and mature, good that you're stepping up and immediately and decisively accepting responsibily and dealing with consequences of your actions by considering child's best interests, unlike anon female.
My mother (had first child at 32, me at 36) often said she was glad she waited to have kids until she had done eerything she wanted, absolutely no regrets, by time siblings and I arrived my parents considered having children a luxury and not a hardship, my parents worked and planned while progressing through dating and engagement and marriage, my mother continued to work full-time for three years after marriage, parents knew were ready to have kids when mom no longer had to work as father's career had progressed and they had saved enough for her to stay home. They didn't wait until they were ready to have kids, they waited until kids would be ready to have them as parents. Thank you, God. They always put us first, starting by not having us right away so that when we did arrive, they could put us first.
OP is refreshing in her candor, harsh reality is she is unprepared and incapable to raise child while she would
resent intrusion in her life, many mature couples secure in their own relationships and established in their careers would be able to bring an adopted child home to the loving, stable, nurturing home every child deserves and very few experience, shoulf OP choose adoption.
Anon female: "People CAN grow up well in a one parent family, it is just a lot harder because of finances and the need to help them learn what the other sex is like."
But mostly people DON'T, children of impoverished single mothers and absent/unknown fathers at exponentially higher risk for becoming teen parents themselves, most fatherless teen girls so desperate for any form of male affection and attention they latch on to any deadbeat loser who looks their way, get knocked up, and the cycle perpetuates.
Sorry, but ask any day-care-raised latch-key kid of a selfless single mom struggling against all odds to provide basic life necessities if given the choice would they trade their childhood for mine, one guess as to what kind of life they'd rather have been born into.
Best of luck OP, I applaud your realizing your interests are best served remaining childless, option to terminate pregnancy should be given every consideration if within your guidelines, hopefully lessons learned will cause you to reflect upon current lifestyle and reevaluate your future, spare yourself any further unnecessary agonizing decisions.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (28 July 2012):
 Adoption. At least you will not be taking its life and he or she will have a chance at a happy life if you cannot provide it for them.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): I'm pro choice to a certain extent. Sometimes a situation is just not appropriate for. Child; born out of rape, no money etc. But you slept with all these boys, where did you think babies come from? So because you can't keep your legs together, you are either terminating or putting child up for adoption?! Abortion isn't a form of contraception. Its there for when a situation is just not suitable for a child. You made the decision to have sex with multiple boys... I'd think long and hard before you terminate or put child up for adoption simply because you don't have the moral decency to think before you have sex.
I know a girl who was raped, got pregnant and had an abortion. I'd like to think pro choice movements are for people like her. Not girls running around multiple boys and getting pregnant then choosing to possibly abort on the grounds, what a shocker, they don't know who the father is.
I'd choose adoption if I was you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 July 2012):
Only you can make that choice. I'm pro choice. I believe that every woman has the choice to terminate, keep or adopt away a fetus/baby.
If you think you can handle and go through the 9 months of pregnancy and delivery, that is quite a gift to the unborn child and some lucky parents willing to adopt.
My suggestion and advice is not just about the pregnancy, but you total disregard for your own safety and health.
STOP having random unprotected sex. Get on birth control and for goodness sake buy some condom and make the guy wear it!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): From someone who's had an abortion I can tell you not a day goes by where I don't regret it. If you are going to think long and hard about it because you will never full get over what happens and its a agonising experience and not as easy as its made out when you speak to doctors or when you are at the hospital. I think it may be a good idea to at least consider adoption as other aunts have said their are plenty of happy couple who would be able to love and cherish the baby and give it anything it needs. No matter what you decide to do just make sure you have covered all other options. Also a lot of single mothers are fantastic parents all on their own and have great children so don't rule it out completely. Good luck with whatever you decide xx
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 July 2012):
 Well if you are comfortable with an abortion and you are sure that it is the best thing for you, then I think you should go ahead and have an abortion.
You clearly are not ready for a child, and because you have been sleeping around so much it will be too hard to tell who the father is so you are right in thinking you wont be giving this child a good life.
Adoption would be a wonderful thing to do, but the problem with that is when the child is born you cannot anticipate the feelings that you will have for your child. It will be incredibly tough to give the child up, and there is a good chance that once the child is born you may change your mind and keep him/her. You also have to deal with the child coming back to find you in the future (a lot of adopted children want to meet their birth mother) and asking why you gave them up, so there is a lot of tough questions to face in the future when they do come to find you.
So abortion in this case seems the most sensible option, as long as you are comfortable with it and are 100% sure it is what you want to do. Have you spoken to your parents, or a trusted adult about this? If you can, try and get some advice from someone older who you trust as this will be a huge help to you.
I am sorry you are in this situation, it must be tough - but hopefully you have learnt your lesson now and will use contraception in the future. You will also need to get a STD test if you have had unprotected sex so many times recently, your own health could be at risk. If you want to sleep around that is your choice, but please use condoms and birth control because you cannot keep putting your health in danger like this. One day you will end up with something very serious and it might just stop you from having kids yourself (like Chlamydia) so you will regret this moment massively.
Take better care of your own health and dont get into another situation like this, you might just end up being 'one of those peope who cant have kids'.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (27 July 2012):
 HiIts a choice only you can make. Sometimes its the best option for you both,termination, sometimes going ahead with pregnancy is something you are happy you did.Only you know if your ready for the responsibility in your life of another person for years to come. I dont think you are from your post,but I dont know you at all.What you have to learn is termination is not birth control. You indulge in casual sex with numerous lads, some strangers, clearly not using protection, you have now learnt the consequences That has to stop before your known as the local mattress,or worse, catch something. this is your wake up callYou need to discuss your options with your mum or your GP and make a decision as soon as possible.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miss Misunderstood +, writes (27 July 2012):
 I think you should give the baby up for adoption if you do not want the baby yourself. Because you're right, there are plenty of people with sexual reproduction problems who would love to have a child, but can't do it themselves. Whether you know the father or not, the child still deserves a chance at a good life.Also be careful about sleeping with all those guys. Chances are if they are having sex with you they are having sex with other girls as well, and you could get an infection. Try to wear a condom if you can help it, or wait until you truly meet someone special who loves and cares about you and just make love to him and only him it's much safer and meaningful that way.. but eh, it's your life. Do whatever you feel is fit. :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): It is a sad fact, but it is almost the norm today to not have a father. You have been gifted with this joy inside of you and I am certain you would give this little human being the best you could and offer a lot of care and love. Loving your child as you are already doing will guide you right. People CAN grow up well in a one parent family, it is just a lot harder because of finances and the need to help them learn what the other sex is like.
...............................
A
female
reader, carolines9711 +, writes (27 July 2012):
I would suggest you to give it up for adoption. I am adopted and my records say that my birth mom didn't know who my dad is either but I have a pretty good life. So consider adoption.
...............................
A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (27 July 2012):
Do whatever feels right for you. If you feel like you aren't physically, mentally, and emotionally ready for a child then you do not have to have one. It is your choice.It is considerate to think of those who cannot have children but it is your body. When you are pregnant and single people WILL look down on you and judge you. If you cannot handle that pressure then you should not have a child.It will affect every aspect of your life. You must seriously ask yourself if you are ready for this change.And also, please get on a reliable form of birth control and use condoms every single time you have sex. Avoid these heartbreaking times.Overall, as I said before, it is up to you. Think logically. If you have to, make a pro/con list. Weigh your options. Give this every ounce of thought that you can and then decide.Hope this helped.
...............................
|
