A
female
age
30-35,
*ervy
writes:So I got my eyes tested today -turns out I need glasses. I'd asked my boyfriend whether he might come with me to pick some, as I wanted someone to bounce different ideas off - I've never had glasses before and picking them seems daunting!I'd asked him if he was free that afternoon, and he was. In his defence he never outright said he would go, but i certainly thought that the possibility was at least there.After calling a few places, I called my boyfriend back to tell him that I'd found a place 2 minutes down the road. At this point he started to be less keen, and basically backed out. I was so disppointed - his main excuse was he didn't want to drive. He normally doesnt' have a car, but since his dad is away, he has that one for a few weeks. My place is 15-20 minutes away. I normally do all the driving to his house - I even brave the hour or so it takes on public transport.So I'm sad that he finds this an acceptable excuse. Im not cross because he doesn't want to come - I understand that it might be a bit boring or whatever - I'm just sad that I feel I would make much more of an effort for him than he would for me, and I'm in the middle of my exams!The last thing I want to be is unreasonable. What can I do to adress this. I texted him explaining why I was upset and disappointed, considering the effort I go to (I know that I dont' have to make that effort, I just feel like its a nice thing to do for one and other), and that I didn't really want to talk right now (I'll be honest I'm a little teary!)This is by no means this kind of thing has happened, and I think him having no car generally exaccerbates the problem. I thought maybe it would be better since he could borrow his dad's for a bit, but apparently not.How can I help him to see that it really hurt me when he did this - I don't want to seem petty. But, by all means, let me know if I am being petty!thanks in advance!mervy.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 Yes, it's a bit petty.
Plus , your logic is faulty : it's true that you make an effort to go see him , but is an effort that benefits YOU as much as him. Don't you love going spending time with your bf ?
While I am sure he does not get any kicks from choosing your glasses.
So, you make half a sacrifice, but you want a full one from him :)
Anyway, come on , you are 18-21 : do you need a bodyguard or an advisor for any minor purchase you are gonna make ? It was only glasses, not a house ! It's GOOD to learn to be self reliant, and learn to trust yourself and your tastes !
A
female
reader, sugarcandy  +, writes (11 November 2010):
I agree. This is a really petty, minor issue.
I do, however, think that he definitely should have gone with you - if only as support.
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A
female
reader, mervy +, writes (11 November 2010):
mervy is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks tennisstar,It's good to get another point of view on this. I know I got worked up about it, and that wasn't fair. Believe me, I tried to take a girlfriend as you suggested, but they're all in the middle of exams - he isn't, so he seemed a good option.Thanks for your help, i will let this one go as you suggested.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 November 2010):
 He didn't really want to go in the first place, nor did he actually say he was going. Also he doesn't really have a car, yeah he has his dad's but it's a privilege not to be abused. Really, that's something you take a girl friend to..not your boyfriend. I think the problem here is that by him not making an effort to use his dad's car. Do note that because he doesn't have a car, you will be doing most of the driving..that's something he's not going to meet you in the middle on until he has his own car.
I think you need to let this argument go, it is rather petty.
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