| A
age
41-50,
*
writes: My gf made a pass at one of my best friends late one night. When he told me I knew it was true, because that was the exact same way she expressed interest in me the first night I met her. Is that cheating?
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 My boyfriend would consider that cheating even though nothing physical has actually happened. I think it's a point of view thing really. She could have been kidding around, especially if she knew he was one of your friends? Sounds maybe like an intent to cheat like bettyb said. Sometimes my boyfriend's guy friends will completely misconstrue what I've said to them, so I would talk to her about it.
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 No, but when you are in a car you are in a machine. Big difference when speaking face to face to someone as apposed to driving a car under an influence. Two totally different things. Sorry mate, you can't blame her if she was at a party or something having a few drinks and she decided to have a crack at someone else ... and if you think she's in control ... What are you doing so bad to lose her?
Or is she just such a disloyal girlfriend? The problem is either you or her: You trying to take control of her and shes getting over you, or her being a disloyal girlfriend.
You may have to have a long hard think for a while ... But it's really that simple.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): Whether you consider this cheating or not is a point of view, and what you mean by "made a pass". If my gf told my friend "hey baby I think you're hot" I wouldn't call that cheating. If she said to him "I would love to shag you" that isn't really cheating either as she hasn't indicated that she would do it, it might be that she has the interest but wouldn't because she is committed to you. I am ok with that I don't have a problem with people having natural urges, its what you act on that makes the difference in this case, but I would want to have a conversation with her and ask her how she really felt about it. If she said to him "why don't we go somewhere and do it" yes to me that is cheating. Others will argue that the latter would not constitute cheating as nothing actually happened, but for me if there is clear intent, then yes it is a form of betrayal to your fidelity and trust. This really depends on your point of view though. I don't share the same view as Griffo in this regard, I would think of cheating as any betrayal of trust, for me it doesn't have to be ongoing and it doesn't have to actually involve any action taking place. I also don't think that being in an altered state of mind is an excuse as it still affects your trust. My gut reaction is that, if she used the same pass with your friend that she made to you, she meant it in the same way she meant it to you, and she obviously acted on it to you. However, that's just an idea. It seems to me the only real way forward is to have a conversation with her about it. Its the kind of conversation that will change your relationship one way or another for sure, but it might change it for the better. You might find out that she did mean it but that she regretted saying it and it confirms how much she loves you. Or it might turn out that it is the beginning of the end for her. Or many other options. The only relationship worth having is an honest one, so do what you need to do to have one with her. In my opinion. Good luch making yours.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't agree that if she was under the influence of alcohol or drugs then I can't blame her as she was out of a controlled state. If she had been driving and get in a car accident are the courts going to say, well it's not your fault as you were under the influence? No they would still prosecute wouldn't they.
However as human beings its normal to be interested in others at times. I can accept that. Even to have mini crushes on others, so long as there are nothing done about it. Thanks for the input.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 November 2010):
 Well if she didn't kiss, have sex with, or any form of contact such as cuddling, snuggling, and sexually explicit texts then no she didn't cheat. WIth that being said, she is inclined to cheat because of that pass at your friend. Take another look at this relationship and consider ending it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (11 November 2010):
When you say "pass" what exactly do you mean? If she's just simply expressing interest then it is not cheating. She only expressed an interest and she has the right to do that as a human being. Although it would be a very disloyal thing to do to her boyfriend.
Cheating means that someone has an "active" ongoing relationship with another person or multiple other persons behind your back or without you knowing. It is not defined as expressing interest with another person.
Understand that If she was under any influence of alcohole or drugs then you can't blame her as she was out of a controlled state of mind and when someone is under that influence it is very easy for them to do silly or embarrassing things. Such as making a pass or hitting on someone.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): What did she do or say? Maybe she considered it innocent flirting. It really depends on what she did. If she truly did come on to him, I'd say it's an intent to cheat.
...............................
|
