A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have posted here before and have liked the advise, I'm giving it another try since I'm still having issues with my wife.I am the original poster of "should I confront my wife or let destiny run its course" To minimize I caught my wife cheating on like 13 yrs ago and a couple of months ago I found out she was still cheating on me with the same guy I confronted her and she walked out to live with him.She kept the kids with her, which I'm still going to try and get custody of. Every time she brings the kids or I go see the kids me and her have been messing around. Even though I'm her husband in a way I have become the other man, I don't know if I want my wife back but I just felt like having this sweet revenge. I'm in desperate need of advise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): your best revenge is to get a better life, one without the cheating wife. don't settle for being second best and that is the best form of revenge. she is just not worth it. believe me. there are better out there. join a dating agency. hey try the internet but put the cheating scum out of your life.
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (23 April 2010):
 You have to think on what is it you want, if you want a wife that is unfaithful and choice another man than go for it, but remember that if you forgive her it's going to be unfair to throw things in her face. I suggest you think about it and decide what is it you want. Think about your children think about yourself first, and than think if its worth having this women in your life. I wish you all the luck and hope you make the right decision.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): ***Thank you all for your help****I know what my conscious is telling me to do is screaming in my head to let her go and let her be happy, but I don't want her to be happy and definitely not happy with him. She is still my wife and we have not file for divorce yet, and I am very hurt that she left her husband of 16 years to live with her lover. I wonder if maybe I'm not ready to let her go, she has been gone for a maybe month or so but I miss her. We do not fight now but we really didn't fight then either. I don't know what to do because I still love her and I don't want her with him and if he ruined my marriage I wonder why can't I ruined their relationship.I don't want to be the lover to my own wife, and I think I would welcome her back if she choice me. But I know I shouldn't, that is what my head and my heart are telling me right now. To fight and get my wife back!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): It might feel like revenge but is it? Or are you still hanging on? Walk away from the whole sorry mess and just think about the children for the time being. Things must be very confusing for them. Unless you want to be coping with a bunch of messed up kids down the line, file for divorce, citing her adultery and request custody of your children. Provide them with a stable home and rebuild your life with standards that your children can aspire to. Teach them a better way to behave than they are currently learning, shacked up with their mother and the boyfriend with Dad turning up for visits and "sexual revenge". Your ex has made her choice but your children dont have one. So be a father and make their welfare your priority. What you are doing at the moment is selfish and its going to cause the children even more angst because once the boyfriend finds out, there will be trouble. They may witness fights and lose their new home and have to move again. How much damage are you prepared to cause them so you can have sex and "revenge"? Eventually YOUR future will lie in your childrens hands. At this point you can still decide if its to be a good one or not. So i respectfully suggest you stop using whats in your pants and start using your brain.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 I think the best revenge would be ignoring and depriving her of any kind of attention ,sexually and otherwise. she must be getting a big thrill from having two men sort of competing for her affections.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): Okay so you want revenge.... want to know what worked for me???? My ex was given an ultimatum either me or the ow... still the ow kept chasing after him, even getting her friends to phone him on her behalf.... so I told him that I wouldnt fight for him nor would I fight for our marriage because it appeared that neither was worth fighting for. I went out changed my hair, clothing styles, changed my job, took up new hobbies which brought me into contact with loads of other people [both men and women] and I carried on with enjoying my life... without him.....
Needless to say he cut all contact with the ow and tried desperately to save what was left of our marriage, but I have to say by that time I found that because of the trust issues nothing was left to save and I filed for divorce.
So you see, the best revenge is doing things that excluded him.
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A
female
reader, Just Diana  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Revenge?!!!! No. Come on, not worth it. Hold onto your essence. Your wife has hurt you, betrayed you ...are you further going to allow her indirectly to direct the course of your actions via revenge.
Not worth it...and honestly....she does not sound worth it.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (22 April 2010):
WOW! I think you have a decision to make do you want to continue a relationship with your wife. You have to remember that she choose him over you, she destroy her marriage for this guy. The taste of revenge might be delicious but do you want to be the husband or the lover. If you want your wife than take her back and forgive her for her adultery behavior, and get your family back. I think you might have strong feeling for her and your not willing or ready to let her go.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Listen - you do NOT have to take any sort of revenge on her. Here's why: She's taking HERSELF, her lying, cheating, self into the new relationship. Once the elicit nature of that relationship goes away, it's going to become work, as all relationships are. This woman has never grown up and will royally screw up this relationship. Soon she'll be utterly, pathetically, hopelessly alone. In the meantime, you will be pissed, sad, lonely, and grieving for the relationship for a little bit, and then you'll come out on the other side MUCH better than she will, because you did the right thing and honored your commitment. You'll find someone new who doesn't have a taste for long term deceit.
As for your kids, I'm with the guy who said to document everything and go to court to get your kids. You are the stable environment for them, and it's up to you to calmly and PROFESSIONALLY demonstrate that in court. The second you give him and become vindictive and emotionally high-strung, you've lost, because you're up against the odds because of a court system that favors mothers.
Do NOT indulge your wounded ego with revenge. You will lose so much for it, and you will have your revenge anyways by letting go of your bitterness and waiting for her to self-destruct.
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A
female
reader, Xtina356 +, writes (22 April 2010):
First and foremost, think of what is best for your children and the upcoming legal case. You really need to focus on how to explain to your children what is going on and keep the arguments between you and your wife to a minimum.
Second, you are not gaining revenge by continuing to sleep with your wife.
But if you truly want to get revenge, show her you are happy, successful and a good father to your children. Freshen up your look. She will think to herself "Oh boy, what did I do?". Then find a beautiful, successful woman and move on. She will regret what she did to you and the children. Your personal happiness is your sweet revenge.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Remember these words, "anything you say can be used in a court of law." Revenge is out of the question if you're seeking custody. I would call and speak to an attorney, and see what your options are. You may have grounds that are solid for a custody hearing, so you need to keep yourself in good character and standing so that doesn't change. No one should have to go through what you have, but now it's not about you or her, it's about the best interest of your children. Keep them as your main focus. Take care .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): OMG!! That's almost exactly what I did to my husband! So I feel compelled to tell you what happened with me. After I left, my husband started to date. Within 2 weeks he had a date and has seen the same girl every night for a week. At first I was relieved and felt some of my guilt for hurting him go away. Then he told me that he was meeting some of her friends and they were spending a night together at a friends house. That was when reality hit me. I know that jelousy plays a factor here for me but I believe that it was the wake up call I needed. I think I always expected that he would be there if it didn't work out with the other guy. I now realize that what I was getting from the other guy, I could have gotten from my husband if I had been able to figure out what I was missing. Now it may be too late for us because he is falling for this other girl he is dating. Talk about Karma! Anyway, my point is that your wife may be in the same position. Unhappy in your marriage but unable to pinpoint exactly why and is finding it with this other guy. Although I never slept with my other guy, he was filling the void in my marriage and I sooo wish I had realized that before I left. I think that if you could communicate better with your wife about what she is getting from her affair that she wasn't getting from you it may help you. If you want to save your marriage it's worth asking. The new knowledge you gain from communicating with her may help you deal with your situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): Hey, when you've been burned this bad, it's totally human to feel this drive until you are vindicated.I'm wondering what your goal is and I don't see what the issue is. You two are not together, and you're single, and she happens to be giving it up. The only immoral stuff I see here is both of you are supporting an ongoing lie to her boyfriend. If you really want to foul up her life, gather your affair evidence and take it to her boyfriend. But I get the sense that would complicate the sexual conveniences and your custody strategy.So what is it you want?
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