A
female
age
36-40,
*eustace40
writes:I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I was 19 when I fell pregnant and at university 3 hours drive from my parents house. I moved in with my partner and I feel that the last few years I have fallen out of love with him or even question whether I was actually in love with him in the first place or whether because it was my first proper relationship I enjoyed someone giving me the attention I was getting and just thought I was in love. I care very much about him, however I am extremeley unhappy in our reltionship. I get very irritated with him for small things and I get bored. I tried to talk to him about how I was feeling a few months ago but I panicked and couldn't bring myself to tell him I wanted to leave. Because I would move back with my parents if we split up he would be far away from our daughter and I feel bad if I would do that. I am so confused an don't know what I should do. I don't think I have the guts to leave him and I don't know why. But I don't know how I could stay with him either. When I am visiting my parents I am much happier and I can do alot more and have a lot more motivation. When I am home I have to force myself to go out with my daughter and don't feel as though I have energy to do anything. My parents and friends make me feel positive about things and make me believe I can do anything but I don't get any of this from my partner. I don't know what to do. Am I the only one to feel this confused. I feel like a fool for getting into a relationship and having a child with someone I hardly knew but I was young and didn't know what I was letting myself in for. Please if you have any advice tell me. I would really appreciate it.
View related questions:
moved in, split up, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mykah  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 I've been on this situation, i fall out of love with my boyfriend. Suddenly i felt like i'm not happy anymore and i've wanted to go my own way. For me, that means you've never been inlove at all just because he is the one u have and being with you not necessarily means that you're inlove.So i splitted with him but now i'm happy because finally i found myself. Never fear to go out your own way, God will always be there to guide u on a right path.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): It's easy to become trapped when you have a young child, and your role in life, your aspirations etc all suddenly change. You were at Uni, training and aspiring for a career with family and a group of friends all around. When you suddenly find yourself a mum that changes. Your social life changes, the friends you have, the activities you can do...
I'd seriously suggest that you try to see a counsellor to really understand how you are feeling about yourself, and discover who you are now. When you know all this, you can discuss it with your partner - who you did love, you loved enough to create a beautiful baby girl together - you just need to recapture that... which takes open, honest communication, maturity, and in my experience is best done with the help of a counsellor to facilitate and ask the right questions... Best of luck x
...............................
A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 I guess you have to do what you think is right at the time, and it's a question of what you're willing to live with.
The way life works is...When you are not happy with a relationship, it's not worth being in it. So I would be smart. I would cut loose of him. Go and live with your parents.
It will be hard at first, but you'll soon realise it's the best decision you've ever made. Now, go and have a coffee somewhere and relax.
...............................
A
female
reader, Zanie  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Well, as you said, you were young and made have made a mistake in moving in with someone you didnt so very well at so young. However, your child can never be a mistake! You have her now and she has a father.
With that said, Is he a good father? If he is a good father, you should make every effort for visitation. Your daughter still needs her daddy. Three hours isn't that far to arrange visits.
I understand where you are coming from. I think everyone in a relationship, gets a moment of feeling bored or thinks the pasture is greener on the other side. However, if you strongly feel that this has gone beyond just the momentary doubt to the extent that you feel you dont love this man, then you need to break it off. Trying to keep a relationship going just for the sake of your child, will only make you unhappy...and your child needs a happy mom. Plus you dont need animousity or fights around your child either.
This is a difficult situation but you need to make arrangements to move out, and make sure they are settled, and then break it to him, that you are leaving. If he's a good father, then explain that youll make every effort to continue his relationship with your daughter. Hopefully there can be some resolution between you as adults, where your child can still see both of you.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Charlpop +, writes (27 May 2010):
 You poor thing, you sound completely trapped!
I don't know much about parenthood, but I know that you need an escape.
I would say that you should go on a holiday, without your partner or your daughter.
If you don't want to go by yourself, go with your parents, or just one of your friends, just to give you some time to unwind without some of the pressures you're feeling now.
You'll come back with more energy and hopefully you'll have realised what you should do. :)
Hope this helps! :)
...............................
A
female
reader, iiSparkle +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Hey,
well i think that you should tell him how you feel as this is the only option you have really, i say this because i dont think anyone should stay with someone if they dont love them or are unhappy.
Yu should tell him, because the more longer you stay the more your affecting your childs life, they will be grown up without knowing what love is. For you and your childs benfit i strongly think you should tell him how you feel before it becoms worse.
Maybe you feel unhappy becuase your away from home, what if you bought a house nearer to your parents and friends would that change things between your partner and you?
I think its because he was your first partner and so you thought you were in love but was mistaken for love as you never experienced it before.
But either way you should discuss how you feel with your partner and take things from there.
And Have the guts to say it to him, its now or never.
Hope this helpt.
Best of Luck :) x
...............................
A
male
reader, garcypher +, writes (27 May 2010):
First, you got to ask yourself: "do you really love him" if you do then make him realise what he is going to lose if he doesn't start showing you more attention. Sometimes people become too complacent and smug, and need to realise something is wrong in the relationship. Give him a "wake up call." Tell him you are leaving if he doesn't buck up.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): You said it yourself: you are very young. But youcan't stay your wholle life with someone you don't care for. Something has to happen. It's an unfortunate event for you and your daughter, but you need to take an action here. U are too young to settle
...............................
|
