A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunts, There's a song that goes "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.." Homely women aren't as sought after and they're not as likely to cheat on a husband or boyfriend. It sounds like beauty, marital fidelity and monogamy are mutually exclusive. Would you agree that it's better to marry an okay-ugly woman and that marriage to a beautiful woman (especially if she has large or even medium sized breasts) sounds kind of dicey?
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female
reader, Share Bear  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 Okay... so the implication from your line of thinking would be that; pretty ladies stray because they can... and that 'okay-ugly' women only don't stray because they can't.
Presuming that you are right, it would then follow that women never actually choose to stay faithful, and only do so because they have no other choice. I'm not sure if you'd apply the same rule of thumb to 'ugly-okay' and handsome men?
But having established under your hypothesis that women (at least) universally don't love their partners, and only stay faithful to them where there is no other option open to them; well... bummer, frankly.
I hope you find more success in other areas of your life. Perhaps you could find a rewarding hobby or join some kind of evening class or sporting club.
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (2 December 2009):
 I've know girls that were pretty bland looking that had no trouble cheating regularly. I've know amazing looking women that never cheated in their lives. Though admittedly, the great looking women I'm talking about never really defined themselves based on how they looked.
I've heard it said that when a girl wants sex, men generally respond with one of two answers: Yes, or Yes Please. Homely girls may not be getting Yes Please, but they can still find a guy that wants sex. A stereotypically attractive girl may have some more opportunities, but a girl that's going to cheat will find a way to cheat, and a girl that won't cheat will ignore however many men there may be that offer.
Add to that the level of attraction YOU find for her being important. If you seek out someone that you consider to be ugly by your standards of beauty, just because no one else will want her, does that bode well for the sex life YOU'D have with her?
Truthfully, I've yet to have a girlfriend that DIDN'T cheat on me, and I've never dated any bombshells.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): Can we not glorify C. Grant please. Not that I don't agree that this is quite the ridiculous question (although I sense intentional use of devil's advocate discussion technique here not necessarily pure ignorance, could be wrong) but there isn't much room to talk when your wife is both playboy sexy and a perfect house wife. Not all women are like this you know. The better question would be if a woman isn't "sexy", would you even be attracted to her enough to get to know her in the first place? I'm pretty sure a lot of guys can't really say yes to this with much confidence just judging by the responses here. I find that rather ridiculous and disappointing. Now, I myself admit that I am a bit shallow when it comes to first encounter attraction. However, I have never bought in to the idea that a woman needs to look like a playboy model or have big breasts in order to be attractive or beautiful. The girl I love and can find no comparison beauty-wise indeed does not look at all like a super model. But she is a super model, to me she is and I know I'll never meet anyone who will ever come close to her.Now can attractiveness really contribute to cheating? Is a person promiscuous and unfaithful because of their looks or are they that way because of some other reason and they just happen to be attractive looking in some instances? Who knows. Who cares. Realistically, if each person in the relationship does their best to meet the needs of the other person and both work towards strengthening the relationship then the likelihood of cheating will be quite small. Conversely, the chance that a person in a relationship will cheat always increases when they feel unsatisfied. And all that aside I think the point being missed is that people shouldn't marry for looks or even for what the other person can bring as an asset to the home and family (smart match in other words), they should marry because they love each other. And that isn't the same as just having that flimsy feeling of being "in love" with each other, but actual love; the kind that can be seen with out words.
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A
female
reader, Roadster73 +, writes (2 December 2009):
 your also asumming us attractive girls don't have a voice, maybe we r so dim we can't say no to anyone that shows us attention?
I have done dome glamour modelling, underwear modelling.. I still get lots of looks/chatted up by men, but cause I love my husband I don't even look at other men, in the 5 years we have Been together I have never cheated on him & never will..
In my option anyone can cheat, I have a friend who is very overweight who cheated on her husband with a guy she met in a pub cause she was sick of being put down by her husband...
People cheat cause they r unhappy in there realationship not because if the way they look??
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): There are men who like small breasts, too. Since they exist, then shouldn't you add small-breasted women to your list of unmarryables? So that's no pretty faces and no small, medium, or large breasts.I wish you a long and happy life wedded to an ugly head attached to a female torso and legs, since surely that will be the only way you can have a faithful spouse.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): I suppose you could be right as beautiful women get more attention from men and promises of stardom and jewels so they are more tempted to stray.
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (2 December 2009):
 Listen to C. Grant - he knows what he's talking about!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 December 2009):
 "It sounds like beauty, marital fidelity and monogamy are mutually exclusive."
In your defense, you're still pretty young. But that is a sweeping generalization of ridiculous proportions. Try not to get too cynical too soon, it's so unattractive!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): oh boy, are you saying that since i have been married for almost 3 decades..and I'm a pretty good wife... that means i must be ugly? *she said sadly* not a beauty queen but not a dog either. size c cups....wow i kinda feel dejected now. im glad i didnt know this in 1982. sorry OP im just having a little fun with you here. my dad used to sing that song when i was growing up and it brings back a lot of happy memories. i think he did it to get my mom riled up..he was into that kiss and make up thing, so he liked to rile her up. i know some beautiful people who have made wonderful marriages that worked for 50 years. and i know a beautiful girl who was told by her groom of 30 minutes, while still at the wedding reception, that it was over. i know ugly people who have had wonderful and rotten marriages... so it isnt the looks that matter...but the character as c.grant and askoldersister have previously said. good luck on your search though. :) *still chuckling* mal
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 A woman with the looks and no conscience will stray. One with the looks and a conscience will not. I also think that it takes a man who's secure in himself to have a successful relationship with a beautiful woman. C Grant and DoubleM seem to be good examples.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (2 December 2009):
 You simply cannot generalize that way. Many beautiful women are wonderful, faithful wives. My former wife was super hot and faithful to me for 20 years, and the final demise was over financial issues, not the fact that she attracted every natural man in sight. As "C. Grant" noted, character reigns. Yet I'll agree that some of the really attractive women may have a harder time being true, and conversely, some less attractive girls can be obsessive sluts. It just depends on the quality of the person.
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A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 Wow! What a question!
Would you like it if someone made judgments about your character based solely on your looks, something over which you have no control?
A woman's looks and the size of her breasts have absolutely no bearing as to what kind of partner she would make. Why would you even assume that this would be the case?
Do a man's looks and the size of his penis have anything to do with his potential as a mate?
I hope that you are not judging ppl by this standard, b/c that says more about your character than theirs.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (2 December 2009):
 Oh for goodness sake. I haven't often said this, but what a ridiculous question.
The girl I married could have been a twin of a late 70s Playboy centrefold. When we were dating I jokingly called her by that name (Viki Lassiter, for anyone old enough to care). Our first serious date was just before Christmas in 1982. While I have no doubt my wife has been admired from time to time, she is completely and utterly committed to her marriage vows. I married her because her character was and is beyond reproach, and in the last 25+ years there's never been so much as a hint that I was mistaken in that assessment.
Yes, to this day she's a delight to look at. But if that's all she'd brought into the relationship, it would have been over years ago. It's what's between her ears that's important, not under the cups of her bra. Grow up!
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