A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm almost 28...divorced...2 baby daddy's...what's my problem? I date a guy and "think" I'm in love...then wake up 3-4 yrs later and don't love them anymore? Why can't I commit? Why can't I love someone for the rest of my life? I've always been like this...even with friendship...I constantly change my circle of friends? I don't want to be alone...and I don't want to be locked up like a wild caged bird either...my boyfriend now...it's going on 3 yrs...never cheated...but have you ever bought a shirt in the mall and you liked it then...but later when you take it home and you don't want it anymore? What's my problem? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): I'm kind of the same way, however I've been married for 15 years to the same man and have never cheated. Things changed almost immediately after we got married and I lost that 'feeling'.Now, mind you... I married when I was 35. See what I mean?I learned that being with someone is sometimes just a CHOICE. I could be single right now and dating up a storm... having that 'feeling' and losing it again over and over and over again. By the time I was 35 I decided that generally I valued settling down to a secure home life meant more to me than flying around like a wild bird. How many men could I date... keep on dating... forever?I traded my wanderlust for stability and friendship with my husband. I was able to do that after spending a few New Year's eves alone... Christmas ... etc... I used to look at couples and want to be one of them... The sort of girl who could settle down...I did. I am a caged wild bird... but my cage isn't so bad. Some people are wired this way... Some deny their inclinations... they get married young and cheat constantly. I sowed my wild oats and settled down... I made the choice to.I don't think that you are that unusual... just maybe you shouldn't be having kids with these guys who are just passing through. That isn't the best idea if you are a free spirit... that makes you more tied down and tied to that man than anything on this planet...Sort your head out... stop making babies with guys you don't really want... and maybe find yourself... Then, if you can... settle down.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): the problem is not that you dont love them anymore,its just that your feelings where on the low side at that time. You need to make it work by carrying your patner along. Let him know that he needs to keep the relationship interesting and exciting, to avoid falling into a particular routine for too long. Fact is,your partner must be a person who is creative,exciting all the time and who can cope with your spontenous temprament otherwise you will wear him out. Above all, you need to be more patient when your emotions are low and let him know what how you feel and what he can do to things better.
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A
female
reader, Fabulosa +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Relationships get into ruts. At the 3-4 year mark the lust is gone. But I think its kind of like running, you got to get your second wind. Do you know what I mean?
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (3 January 2011):
 I would be curious as to why you fell in love with these people in the first place. Maybe your answer lies there. If you loved them because of a sexual infatuation or because of their looks or even their personality, maybe that fades.
Maybe with your next relationship (with a friend or a lover) you might wish to look for shared interests or look for having things in common which you feel are important. THose might be long lasting.
Still I don't know the answer to what attracted you in the first place--but I think that is a good place to start.
BEst wishes.
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A
male
reader, tone +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Do something different together to take you out of your pattern. Neither of you are being stimulated so it get's boring. Start a new hobby or adventure and take risks together. It will bond you and change you.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 hi i think you hit the nail on the head when you say you 'think' you love them at the beginning. looks like maybe you don't, but your maybe not seeing or ignoring their bad points or things about them that are not agreeable to you. no wonder then that when the initial excitement, novelty, curiosity to get to know them, chemistry has worn off, there is nothing left and you mistake this fall to earth as being 'falling out of love'. next time you meet someone and feel like you are falling in love with them you need to slow down and take a good honest look at them and all their traits, good and bad, take a look at yourself too and ask yourself what exactly you want, are you with them because you totally admire everything they are or are you just with them coz you prefer it to being alone or they are an improvement from the last unsuitable man you were withxx
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