A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am not sure how to get over this so im asking for everyones opinion. I just recently broke up with my ex saturday because I confronted him about texting this girl and deleting messages from her. he got all pissed off kicked me out of his house with no place to go, spit in my hair 2 times, shoving me down the stairs saying rude things as i was leaving. I came to find out when he was home for easter break he hungout with her. Now he is taking her to her senior prom. hes is 20 and she is 17. Now i find out his coming home this weekend to go camping with her, and sunday would be our 4 years. I am torn to pieces because he doesnt give a crap about anything. I wrote him a 2357 word farewell letter getting everything off my chest and saying everything i needed to say. he has read it but hasnt replied =/ I left my clothes there the night he kicked me out and i asked for them back but i dont not think he is bringing them. so what im pretty much asking for is advice. how do I move on. what should i do. i need help, because it is literally killing me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): what a bastard, seriously!some people here have giving u very good advice which u should def try to follow. i once was in a psychologically abusive relationship. as soon as i went to my home country for the summer holidays, the guy was with another girl!it was one of the hardest things i had to endure but what i did was: delete all his pics from my comp and phone, delete his phone number and messenger address (so that i would not contact him at all) and i listened to a lot of cheesy sad music about people whove been hurt badly by love. i found that music has a great cathartic effect to release that negativity. i also tried to keep myself busy as much as possible and tried to meet new people.lots of times the negative thoughts and hurt will come back to haunt u, whenever i experienced them i just concentrated on all the horrible things he did to me and i reminded myself that i deserved better and that i could get thought it because i was a strong person.also i did keep him as a facebook friend (but only as a form of revenge). i wanted to show him that i had gotten over him immediately and that i did not care at all for him. i would go out with friends and take pics with hot guys or meet guys and put them on my facebook loleventually as they all do, he came back begging for me. at first it was hard to resist but i reminded myself of what an ass he was and i pushed him aside and met an even better guy instead.i hope things will work out for u.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): I would immediately leave the coward.
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A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (15 April 2010):
He probably is one of those people who is able to shut unpleasant thoughts out of his mind--thoughts like "I am cheating on and disrespecting a girl who cares about me". It is a sign of a weak mind, not a strong one.When you confronted him and made him try to mentally rationalize what he's doing, he broke down and had to yell and shove in order to block out the unpleasant thoughts--again, a sign of a weak mind.Recognize that he has serious issues and that his behavior says everything about him, and nothing about you. Take some time to feel sorry for him, and then forget about him.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Relationships can take harsh turns. I'd feel free, if I were you. You are no longer with someone who has proven, he doesn't care, and has shown a violent disrespect toward women. You are free from that, so take a deep breath and enjoy the relief you receive from exiting a relationship, which over time may have developed into more of a controlling, abusive relationship.
I know it hurts when relationships end. I don't think you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who treats you so bad. What do you think a healthy relationship looks like? I can tell you, in my eyes, they do not include being cheated on, spit on, shoved, or hit. As I said, be proud that you are no longer with someone who'd treat you that way. Although he's not for you, you'll find someone who is. Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): I am 30 and very happily married, but 7 years ago I had one just like him!
He cheated, he lied, he hit, he yelled, he even spat! I begged and cried for 10 years! I wish so much that I could go back and not waste those years, but I can't. You, however, can avoid that fate. Yes it will hurt to let go, and you will never forget, but you need to find a way to move on. Until you feel better, I suggest the "fake it 'till you make it" approach.
Distract yourself, keep busy. Do school work, clean, see friends, do volunteer work, get involved with a sport or join a gym, get a job, hang out with your parents and/or siblings, help out around the house, read books, go to a museum, ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE and POSITIVE. Do whatever you need to do to create a new world for yourself that does not include him! Do not listen to music that reminds you of him. Do not go to places that your went with him. Pack away any items that bring back memories - give it to someone else to keep for a year or so until you feel better. Hang out with new people. Spend time with old friends, and ask them to help you move on. Do not call him. Do not write letters. Do not look at his facebook page (you could even take a small hiatus or delete him as a friend). Do not dwell. That said you should put aside 5 min/day or 1 hour a week to talk about these feelings with someone, I recommend a counselor, religious leader, or someone outside of your "regular" circle. That way you are still processing the pain and not hiding it, but you won't feel its impact as much in your regular life.
It may take a year or longer to truly feel "over" this. That is ok. One day you will be having fun and, for whatever reason, you will think back to this time and realize that it just doesn't hurt so much any more. Hold out for that!
Worst case scenario is that he comes back (and they usually do) and you are right there waiting. It can never be the same as it was. This will all happen again. I promise!
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Spitting on you = a coward/loser/jerk
Even if he did apologize you shouldn't be with the type of person that is capable of that. Consider yourself lucky you found out now before things went any further.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): . I shouldn't condone violence, but I would get one of your strong looking male friends to bust on over there to gather your things and not necessarily threaten him but to just verbally put him in his place of what a peice of shit he is.You don't want to be with a guy like that. And you esp don't want him to think he has won with you being all sad and sorry, missing him, and what not.I know your hurting now, but you will see soon that you are much better off!Okay, so maybe in this relationship you had a lot of low moments and insecurities by being with him. You tolerated more than anyone should have and you deserve much better. You need to get back on your feet and re-establish a better relationship with YOURSELF. The only person you will ever have in your life, is you. If you know yourself, know what you want and deserve, you will always stand with strong feet on the ground and no one to knock you down. Love yourself and soon someone will love you for all that you are.
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A
male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (15 April 2010):
A guy who spits on you has no respect for you at all.
You have to move on, am so sorry he treated you this way, that is so cruel no matter what must have transpired.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Well, lets see.
He is a cheater, a man who spits on his girlfriend, and a man that assaults his girlfriend.
Changes in life are never easy, but we have to have the courage to move from bad situations so we can have the chance to be in good ones.
Leave him.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 April 2010):
I am very sorry that you have to go through all these pains and sufferings.
Accept the reality of the situation that it is all over and collect your things from there and move on with your life.
Don't look back. He was not meant to be yours.
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A
female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Oh no honey this sounds terrible :-(
i'm sorry you didn't get away from that loser earlier! its going to take time to move on, you were together for a long time. just make sure you remember the horrible things he did to you, don't look back on the good times because it will be harder.
spit in your hair? because you questioned something that you had every right to?
be happy you can find someone better then this.
you have said what you need to say to him, now leave it. don't go contacting him, it will only make it harder.
he will realize he stuffed up. people always realize too late, don't get sucked into going back to him, he really did you wrong.
can someone else go over to get your clothes? this guy sounds like he could get even more aggressive with you, its not safe for you to go alone.
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A
female
reader, terrifenby  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 So wait a second he actually physically assulted you and you havent reported him? Men like that aint worth it. Foreget him and get on with your life. You move on by realising that you do not deserve to bo treating in such a vile manner. Forget your clothes they are material goods they can be replaced your sanity cant be! You are worth 10x him and as soon as you realise that you will be able to move on! Go for it girl show that waste of space exactly how worthless he is!
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