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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've cheated on my boyfriend and i feel really guilty.he is a great guy. he knows what i like, he treaats me to things all of the time, and he loves me and i love him. but when we have sex, he is awful. he just cant please me. he always comes not long after he just prods it up there. i tried faking but he knows and it doent make me feel any better. so a week ago i went out, and saw my friends ex, who she said is amazing in bed. so i took him back. and he was outstanding, i loved it. we had sex again in the morning.but since then ive realised my bf is great, and i adore him, but i have my needs. i feel awful. is it my fault
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male
reader, dudeology  +, writes (22 April 2011):
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! he is your boyfriend, not husband. you have been putting up with it for a long time. you found out that sex IS better somewhere else and that makes you happy. i'm sure your BF is a great guy but will be better for someone else. dont feel guilty, just find someone else.
A
male
reader, Johnjay  +, writes (21 April 2011):
How do you know if your a great in bed anyway? Your a cheat! Your bf will find a better gf in the future dnt worry.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 Yes it's your fault. There.Have you talked to him about the awful sex? You said `he knows what i like', but do you really think so? It sounds like the poor guy is totally clueless. That's where you should have educated him. Instead, you've gone out into the wilderness and had yourself satisfied by some other guy. Are you a cave woman?Leave this poor guy alone and remember for the future to discuss your needs.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): Sorry if this comes across as bashing you. I'm not, but people who cheat often have no self respect, it bleeds over into their relationships, and they think constructive advised that is rather clinical is harsh and judgemental.Faking makes it impossible for him to be good in bed. As someone mentioned below, YOU are part of the crap sex, at least 50% of it.Cheating makes it impossible for him to feel good about himself, and is a way of hurting him, or hurting yourself, or making yourself feel better about yourself. It never will make your partner feel better about himself, never.I'll be frank here, you are either not being honest or at least not being open in your posting. Why is the question.You didn't cheat because he was lousy in bed, you cheated for other reasons, something more that you aren't telling. This is an anonymous posting line, you can really tell the truth and open up here and nobody is going to track you down and figure out who you are.So, figure out how to be honest, open and willing to discuss your problems and issues, at least in an anonymous forum, and then maybe you can be that way in a relationship.Now, you can just go off and have a pitty party, and say "Oh what a bad girl am I." and repeat all this crap in your next relationship, either as the recipient of it or the purveyor of it as you were this time, or you can sit down and try to understand why people cheat and why you cheated.First, get out of your relationship with your boyfriend. You don't respect him.Second, stay out of relationships with other men, especially sexual ones but also those that are anything more than superficial relationships, until you have learned to respect yourself. In other words, no sex except with yourself until you figure this out.Then begin reading about affairs and cheating, so you can understand yourself. Here are a couple of books. I'd suggest the first one as the best of the two, but both are excellent.http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering/dp/0743225503http://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0060928174Then, re-enter the dating scene and treat yourself first, and the others in it, with respect.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Emski  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 Ok, ok. So I think we can all see that "yes, it is your fault" but at the end of the day, you need to sit down and think about what you did.
Imagine how you would feel if your boyfriend had done the same to you?!
There are 2 paths from here ... Tell him the truth and let him know how much of a failure he is in the bedroom or ... Suck it up and make it better.
My boyfriend sucks in the bedroom too sometimes, but I just give him a little nudge every now and again. Try it! It might help!
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female
reader, iloveblue +, writes (19 April 2011):
 The sex is awful, yes, so why are you still with your bf? My dear, you cannot justify this. Cheating is cheating. It means if the awful sex was enough for you to cheat, then it also means you don't have enough respect for your bf and certainly not enough concern for his feelings. What if he becomes your husband one day due to your pretensions that he is okay, you will find some else again to fill in what's lacking?
If there is one thing you don't like about your partner that results to your cheating then it means only one thing, he is not for you. Better break up with him and find someone who will totally give you what you want and make you sexually contented.
Or as the others had suggested, plan things with him that will improve your sex life together. And don't cheat on him anymore.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (19 April 2011):
 Great answer from So_Very_Confused.
Rather than talk to your "great" boyfriend, you cheat on him. Great decision making there!
He deserves to know what you did so he can make his own decision about what he wants to do. Learn from this. In the future, I suggest you try to work on problems WITH your partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): I cheated on my boyfriend and it is my biggest regret. My boyfriend is great and he is madly in love with me, but I'm not in love with him althought we have been together 2 years. I wanted to break up with him but people convinced me to stay because he was a good guy. So I resulted to cheating. Sex with my boyfriend was good, but after having sex with my closest friend i went off my boyfriend completely. To make a long story short....
Now I am pregnant. I thought it was my boyfriends baby and he was so excited and he told everyone. I was also excited until it was the other guys baby. Hes not ready for a child, but he said he would support me if i keep it. I cant keep this baby and Im devastated. I will be having an aportion in 2 days. I am 11 week pregnant....
Im begging you do not cheat, if you arent happy just break up with hi. Dont make the same mistake I did.
PLEASE!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): Well yes, it is your fault, because you are the one who cheated - I'm not just gonna say what you want to hear. I'm not saying you should go and beat yourself up about it, because what's done is done, and you had your reasons.
But you are very lucky to have such a great boyfriend, and I think you know that really. I believe in honesty so I think you should fess up (or does he already know?) before he finds out from someone else, which would be a lot worse.
Sex-wise, talk to him. Communication is so important. Neither of you are mind readers. Tell him what pleases you, and vice versa. Being bad in bed isn't a great reason to throw away a lovely relationship, to be frank. He can improve, get more practiced. x
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 April 2011):
 yes it's your fault.yes you did a bad thing.Sorry but if you are not sexually satisfied with your partner it's your responsibility to be honest with him.Then you guys can formulate a plan. IF you want to have permission to take other lovers then you need to clear that with him.IF not, then you need to satisfy yourself.If you are close enough to sleep with a man you are close enough to discuss your orgasms with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): I can understand your frustratement and why you cheated but that doesnt make it right. Your boyfriend would be very hurt if he knew. But he can please you in other ways but penetration. Oral, fingering, toys for example. He could also look into the possibility he has premature ejaculation and look for methods to cure such as the "stop and start" method.
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