A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I've been dating my girlfriend Karen for two years, I'm 24 and she is 23. But about a month ago, I did the worst possible thing I could've done, I cheated on her with her best-friend Eva (not they real names). I knew that Eva had a thing for me, and I really like her too. That night my girlfriend was not in the city, I couldn't control myself and we just did it. A few days later Karen confronted me and told me that Eva just told her what happen between us two. She asked me if it was true, I was afraid to answer but I finally told her the truth, I couldn't lie her anymore. She got very mad, fighting back tears screaming things like how could I do that, I thought I mean something to you, and stuff like that. Then she leave the apartment and after that she doesn't answer my calls or my texts. Worst thing is that one of our mutual friends told me that she and Eva were friends again as if nothing had happened. When I finally chatted with Eva again she said that she told her the truth because she can't stand a man hurting a woman and being unfaithful to her, specially with her friend But I was like Wtf? Wasn't she as guilty as I? We both hurt Karen. We had an argument and I didn't talk to her anymore since then. But why did she forget her friend and not me? I feel marginated, I thought that Eva felt something for me but now I feel that I lost both of them forever. What should I do now? Should I insist with Karen again or should I forget them and the whole situation? Any advice would be really appreciated, thanks.
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female
reader, Melanie0517  +, writes (3 November 2014):
You made a terrible mistake, I'd forget both of them and move on. It sucks, yeah, but you made your bed, and neither of them should forgive you. It's not the end of the world, just learn from the mistake and try not to do it again. There are a lot more fishes in the sea
A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (2 November 2014):
 Personally, I don't think you're mature enough to handle a real commitment at this point. I don't mean it in a harsh way--I mean that you are really young and may be more into the idea of dating different girls than having a serious relationship. As to whether or not Karen can forgive you--well that's up to her. I've known several people who think of cheating as a "deal breaker" and would never take the person back who cheated on them. I also know of couples who had worked things out after one partner has had an affair...It's up to her to forgive you now. Meanwhile, Let her have her space, and time to think about it...Yes, Eva is just as wrong as you were and apparently not that good of a "friend" to Karen, but maybe the fact that she came clean to Karen prompted her to forgive Eva more easily. But really, that's between the two of them. If Eva really is a Toxic friend, Karen will find that out in time...My best advice to you is to step away from this toxic "Love triangle", and go and meet other girls...don't worry about trying to fix a relationship that's broken right now--enjoy your freedom, and date and get to know different girls until you're ready to settle down. Enjoy your youth! And, best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (2 November 2014):
If it were me I wouldn't have forgiven either of you. Perhaps it was a test/trap that you failed (strange to me but I know of girls who have done that before).
OP you say you couldn't control yourself, but that's even worse for a girlfriend to hear because what's going to happen the next time temptation strikes? She could never trust you again incase your self control decided to up and leave again at some point in the future.
You also sound like you thought things were going to continue with Eva as well, and now you're upset that neither of them want you. This proves you should stay single until you find one woman you want to commit to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2014): You don't deserve her, and she deserves a better best friend too but it was her friend who owned up - not you.
Disgusting behaviour, you even have the cheek to say you think her best friend felt something for you! Well if you thought that then you obvious it'll didn't give a shit about your gf and should've left her and pursued whoever you want as a single man.
Don't be such an ass in the future, and learn some self control.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2014): I think that I'm the only one who supports you here, but anyway I'll let you know what I think. Yes, he cheated on her, he made a mistake but he recognizes it. Just let the time do its work, and then try to talk with Karen once again. Eva did the right thing by telling her friend the truth, but c'mon he is right, she didn't think with her brain either and didn't think in her best friend. But I think that Eva has a great influence over Karen, and she is the one who makes her think that the only one to blame is you. Maybe if you had told what you did first, things would be different. You don't deserve to be treated like that, but next time you have to think things better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): Do the decent thing and leave her alone.
She deserves better than a man who will hurt her for a one night stand.
How she deals with her friend is not your business.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 November 2014):
 Karen forgave Eva because she came clean, while you may keep the secret to the grave and unless you didn't get caught it didn't matter. Karen and Eva could be best friends and they feel they should keep the friendship forever while boyfriends come and go. Cheating is bad whatever the excuse is but after it happened Karen thought maybe the relationship wasn't that solid after all. So it was easy for her to let you go. Karen also understood the jealousy that Eva had. All the times when you were hanging out Eva felt left out. Their friendship was established well before she met you. At the end you felt you were unfairly treated because you lost two women while they remained friends. She made her decision and felt it was more of a benefit to keep a friend than to risk being hurt in a relationship. Maybe in the future they would decide to keep friendships and relationships separate. Karen also decided she is not to lose a friend because of you. You should forget about the whole situation. Hopefully the next girlfriend does not have to feel the scars caused by cheating. It will be a clean slate. Maybe Eva would sleep with her next boyfriend but it is out of your control what Karen decides to forgive or not.
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