A
female
age
26-29,
*hapsodyRach
writes:I've been wanting to ask this question for almost two years now. I would so appreciate any advice on this matter omfg.I'm a 17-year-old girl and have had a thing for one of my juniors - also my favourite junior - for about two years now. It's not just a "thing" any longer - I honestly am in love with this girl. I love spending time with her, being with her, etc. Before you say anything - no, I'm not gay, and no, it's not the main problem.I spend so much time just getting her to notice me - for instance, I spent almost 200 bucks preparing her birthday present, and any chance I get, I'll make the best of it and spend it with her. We're pretty close, as seniors and juniors go, and she's always there for when shit happens in my life.The thing about her, though, is the fact that I don't know if she could ever possibly like me back. She always sends me mixed signals, like one minute, she'll be all warm and loving, and the next she'll be all cold and forget about me. I know she's not gay and she's strictly straight - she objectifies men, in fact - but I just want to know how I could ever melt the ice she always seems to have in front of me - if I even have a chance of doing so.She found out from rumours last year that I had feelings for her, and she avoided me for almost two months, but we became close again in June. Then this year, we were perfect at the beginning of the year, but we fell out for two weeks in May until our exams ended and we began talking again.She's sometimes so cold and distant to me, yet so warm and kind and friendly with her close friends. She engages in PDA with them, but she barely responds to my hugs - she merely lets me hug her.I don't know what else to elaborate, but I really need advice. Basically I'm a warm person in love with a cold, distant girl. Please help. Tbh I don't really know what I want - whether I want to be her best friend or to be in a relationship with her. I get insanely jealous when she gets all chummy with other people and I wish I could be the only one she has eyes for. More importantly, I want to know she loves me. I want her to be in my life, maybe as a life partner, or at the very least, a lifelong friend. I don't know what I want from her - I only know I want her love, care and attention, and her constant presence in my life. And her hugs. (Side note: she's incredibly cuddly.)PS She's not prone to showing her emotions but she draws characters and shares her stories with me. I like to think that somehow, she loves me too -she just doesn't say it in words like I do.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (1 November 2014):
Dear OP,
When I was 17, I was madly in love with a girl quite similar than the one you describe. She had many friends that she hugged and cuddled, and she was nice to me.. but I was never her best friend.
I adored her, admired her, loved her, dreamed of her. She was the most important person in my life, while I was maybe priority number 15-20.
All I can say is that there is not much you can do. She doesn't reciprocate your feelings, friendship or love, in the same way. She likes you, but that's probably it. She also likes a whole bunch of other girls and she's not even thinking about an exclusive or closer bond with you. It's sad. But there's no magic in the world that can change this.
It's not important whether or not you or she identify as gay. You are young and you are still defining yourself, so you don't need to put a label on your feelings.
If this situation is like my situation was back then, it's important that you get out of this sad place in life. It's depressing to always stay close to someone you love, but can't have.
So you need to move on. Find other friends. Do other things, get her out of your mind. If she really likes you, she will miss you and make an effort to have you back in her life. But I suppose, that she will just turn to another friend and keep charming her, as she charmed you.
Good luck. And remember that you're a precious person, even if she can't see it.
A
female
reader, RhapsodyRach +, writes (1 November 2014):
RhapsodyRach is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, Janniepeg, just so you know, yes I am from an all-girls' school too LOL I forgot to put that in. And yeah maybe it feels like I'm coming on too strong - I recorded two songs for her as well, and modified one of them so it seemed a bit flirty and l. She never really acknowledged the present and I feel kinda underappreciated as well.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 November 2014):
 I think a lot of girls went through phases like this. She may have backed off because she thought you were gay and only a lesbian can give you what you need. She may also think that the 200 dollar gift was too much, like you were coming on too strong for her. I went to a girl's school I understand what this is about. Maybe her parents objected your relationship and she had to listen to them. She also cares about her reputation in school and doesn't like rumours being spread about you two. I don't know if there are boys you are interested but a lot of dalliances like this happen in an all girls school. They don't have an outlet for the urge to love and feel loved and so girls become the next best thing. She is behaving in a way that creates suspense, making you long for her and wondering what she is thinking about. If a guy did this to you, you would feel the same way, if not more. I won't try to figure out if you are bisexual but our object of our love can surprise us even when you think you are straight. If you wonder what kind of girls would let you hug her, I would say Koreans. They are very touchy feely, even men too.
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