A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Does my husband have a form of bi-polar?I have been married to my husband for 12 years. We have 2 children. We've been through some rough times as my husband is very moody and has a negative and anxious outlook on life.He utters threats to me when he is mad (the reason for being mad are usually for silly reasons) and things spiral out of control and end in him calling ne names and making me feel worthless. Once he has calmed down, a few days later he will tell me I am an angel or his 'main artery' in life. I constantly feel like I am on a roller coaster ride. He is controlling, distrusting of me and I always have to walk on egg shells with him. I have to be careful not to wake him up early with sound as it irritates him and he says I am inconsiderate. He does not currently work and is unable to have a 'boss' as it irritates him and he can't control his mood. I feel like I am suffocating but this is the father of my children and I do not wish to hurt him, or them.Does my husband have a form of bi-polar? I was reading about bi-polar II and apparently there is no mania phase sometimes, just stability versus extreme moodiness. We argue at least twice a week and I avoid him often to avoid confrontation. Often, he illogically thinks he is a victim and has threatened to seriously divorce me twice over banalities (ie I had answered back at something and it led to him telling me every single thing he hated in me, and that he didn't want to be married. That was a few years ago. Most of our married life, he has hung out with friends until 3am (no cheating suspected at all-I trust him with part). But he basically avoided me most of our marriage. I could never understand why.His moodiness is getting the better of me and I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up my family, but it is unbearable a lot of the time. I feel like my sense of self is dissipating and I do not even feel like the same person I was when I married him. I feel like since I have suppressed my sense of individuality for the sake of his 'moodiness' that I do not know where I belong in life anymore. To add to the mix my son has ADHD and my daughter also has a sickness that requires attention every 3 months. I am at my wits end and feel like I am going to collapse soon. Has anyone lived with someone bi-polar that you can shed some light on this for me? Is my husband bi-polar? He recognizes he has issues but also says that is how he is and can't change. One minute he tells me that he loves me more than I will ever recognize and other times he could make me feel like I am not worthy of his gaze. At times he can cry by saying he succeeded in life because of me, and at times he tells me that if I ever leave him he wants no assets. Then other days he threatens that if I leave him, I should only do it when the kids are 18.
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female
reader, Melanie0517  +, writes (3 November 2014):
It sounds like he a borderline personality disorder of some sort, not bi-polar(The highs and lows in bi-polar last months). Not being able to handle having a boss isn't normal, as is not being able to control his temper, he should talk to someone and get some help. He certainly can change, and should want to. That is not his personality, that's some sort of illness that is causing him to not be able to function in a normal day to day live. Even if it's just stress and mild depression, he can get help. Maybe not meds, but therapy and counseling can help a TON. He has to be willing to try. You say you're not ready to leave him yet, but you will be eventually if you stay as unhappy as you are now. Some people have no issues leaving their husbands or wives because they'd rather be happy in life, and their marriage is no longer something fulfilling. I personally couldn't stay in something that was tearing me down, I suffer from mental illnesses and I see how it affects my partner and I do everything in my power to fight against the mood swings and the days I just want to do nothing and sleep. I believe your husband can do more to help himself, and you, then he is. Your kids may even thrive in an environment where there isn't tension. Even if you never fight in front of them, kids know weirdness. My mom stayed with my dad through something very similar to what you're describing, but also physical abuse. He'd threaten to take the kids if she left, say he was going to kill himself, etc. No kids are in the house anymore, and she is still with him. Stuck and just as sad as she was when I was kid. But she lives only through him now because that is what her entire life was. All 4 of her kids wish she had left him. We still talk it. We talk about the type of person she could be now if she had just done it. We all still very much dislike him, mainly for his lack of effort. If it ever gets too bad, don't stay. A marriage isn't successful just because you never got divorced, it's successful when it's happy and life fulfilling.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2014): Dear people who are not Doctors stop trying to diagnose People. I don't know if your husband is bipolar but as a bipolar person I can say people are really ignorant on this subject and lack compassion .Also just because someone acts like a jerk dosent make them bipolar some people are just simply jerks. If your unhappy with your marriage try and fix it if you think this man will hurt you be safe and have an excaspe plan talk to someone. Good luck. Ps for the other poster we don't all cheat on spouses I don't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2014): I am the OP of this question. Thanks for all your input here. Yesterday after I posted this question, I went through yet another episode with my husband, and again he said it was not working out and that since he has already been divorced and I haven't I would wake up single, and feel like I fell on my head. Basically he said I would go through hell. He also said that if we leave each other maybe I would feel free and he would give me that but I should expect to go through rough times on my own and would probably eventually regret it. He basically said again last night that everything is my fault. I told him it takes 2 to create a problem, but most of the problem lies with him as he is very critical. He, on the other hand says that perhaps I don't tell him off but I make him feel like crap because I am not encouraging and I step in often with my opinions on child rearing and finances etc. I do not feel like I say negative things to him. I believe he blows things out of context. We basically left it off at ''if we don't treat each other respectfully (and by that I actually meant him), then we will have to go down the route of divorce as it will be unbearable''. This was the first time that I was not scared to say this to him. To have uttered the words of ''leaving each other'' would never have come out of my mouth in the past. I finally had the courage to say it, but I do not have the guts to go through an actual divorce as he has gotten me thinking that life would probably be tough on my own, BUT I think I would find more peace. I would regret however, losing the man I married and this is an inner conflict for me. Some people can so easily leave their husbands and wives, but I am not yet able to do this. I am trying to work this out but feel we will still fight over something and it will get blown out of context again and I will be painted as the 'bad person' again. The first step in reconciling is doing one's end of the deal but I am not really feeling this from him. Not sure if he will try. He's got a good heart, but his mind is tormented, as is mine now, as a result of how is. I feel like I am living with a grown man who has temper tantrums all the time, and I cannot reason with him. This is why I feel he is perhaps bi-polar or has borderline personality disorder (the latter of which cannot be treated with medicine :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2014): To the person with Bipolar that posted here, are you saying that all people with Bipolar are unfaithful?. My boyfriend spends a lot of money, but as far as I am aware, he doesn't look for sex with anyone else.You have made me feel really worried with your comment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): Pleaes get some help for him as my boyfriend was like this and his doctor found out he was bi-polar and now is on treatment that has changed him back to the guy that i fell in love with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): Hi. My boyfriend has Bipolar Type 2. I am 30 and he is 51. The age difference doesn't bother us though. I have been with him for three years now (some people think I deserve a medal for being with him this long so far!). Your husband's behaviour does sound like my boyfriend's behaviour. My boyfriend can be so kind,caring and funny, and then other times, he is like a monster. He drinks a lot sometimes and gives me lots of verbal abuse. It has been a rollercoaster.When he isn't going through a manic or depressed stage, he says he adores me, and that I am his angel. But when he is manic or depressed, he says the most awful things to me. He gets angry because of little things too sometimes. I want to move in with him, but I am scared to, because I'm not sure what his behaviour will be like. It's very difficult. I don't have any children with him, and I'm not sure if I should. He has a son (his ex wife is the mother ). His son is only a year and a half younger than I am!. My boyfriend isn't on medication at the moment and doesn't have counselling, so that makes things even more difficult.Your husband would need to be diagnosed by a doctor, if he will go to see one.
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