A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I fight a lot. We're both stubborn headed which is probably the main reason why we fight. Today I tried to joke with her and she said she felt like I "insulted" her. What advice does anybody have for the feuding couple? I love her to death and I cannot imagine life without her but the fighting takes its toll on our relationship. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): It's how you make up thats important...and quickly...couples will always fight......no winners when in battle...always have a border line before you go to bedkiss and both say sorry...My partner and i have a love hate relationship ...very passionate in our ways ....we decided to make a promise to each other as fall outs could last for days... a pipe of peace...and who ever passed the pipe to the other the other was right! because they wanted peace ...the other had to take it or they were wrong! for been unforgiving.In the end i think it was jumped on feathers in the air..it was good while it lasted.....love hate? part of life and reltionships just make up quick...does it matter who is right or wrong.Good Luck...ya gonna need it hahahahahah....Spunky Monkey :)
A
female
reader, wornoutmommy +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Wow. I have the same problem and the two post at the beginning are great! "stubborn women, are much more stubborn, than stubborn men" is absolutely true. I'm bullheaded to the core. And this is very true "Yes, she is angry, let her explain why. She may then realize that she is in a bad mood and it don't have anything to do with you. " I know that when I try telling my (stubborn) bf about something that I'm angry about or upset about he becomes defensive and assumes that I'm going to say something other than what I want to say. He will then 'hear' what he believes I'm going to say rather than what I say, and get mad at me for what he 'heard'! In moments where she's upset, try really really hard to remain calm and listen. This can be difficult because she can push buttons. But after she's vented she will realize that she's not mad at you... maybe something you did or didn't do, but not you. And she needs to learn to do the same thing in return. I have an idea! When she's upset and complaining about something, give her a huge bear hug and tell her you love her unconditionally! I know I'd immediately stop being upset and possibly cry if my bf did that. This is also very true "At the end, remember that you are fighting a lot because deep down you really care about each other. " Out of all my bfs and my ex-husband, I have never fought as much as I do with my bf now- and I really do love him the most.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 January 2011):
 For her, she has to simply ask what she wants from you, trusting that you will give her what she needs.
For you, whenever she has a meltdown, just take it like a man and never take it personally. Listen to her, don't fix her problems because she will feel better just having you there. Of course there should be boundaries. Like no name calling, and no complaining for more than 20 minutes straight. If it goes over the time limit, then you know she's blaming, shifting the problem on you and you should refuse to let her walk over you. Just tell her you need space but reassure her you will talk later. When she gets more upset that's because she is afraid of losing you and she is putting on an aggressive front to protect her fragile feelings.
Jokes are no good because she will feel like you are invalidating her feelings. She needs to know that it's okay to have negative feelings and that it's not going to kill a relationship. What's not okay is letting feelings get out of control, and brooding over a problem for too long or not caring about the other person's feelings. She should voice out what bothers her at the moment she feels so, instead of bottling up and exploding when you said something or did something and she took it all wrong.
Yes, she is angry, let her explain why. She may then realize that she is in a bad mood and it don't have anything to do with you.
It's not about who's right who's wrong, it's about connecting as a couple. You should both feel safe expressing what's on your mind. Because the female and male brain works differently, you may have different belief systems about the opposite sex that don't work well when you are a couple. Explore your beliefs and find out what's truth, what's distorted. At the end, remember that you are fighting a lot because deep down you really care about each other. We make mistakes because the other person is so important we fear loss. We never screw up so much with a person we don't care too much, right?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): well, start with telling her, that you love her to death, she'll like this and it will always be remembered when you fight, its normal for two stubborn people to fight,
i think you should apologize in the end, (let me justify this)
stubborn women, are much more stubborn, than stubborn men.
so if you want to stop the arguing and the stuff that ruins your relationship, just try apologizing, EVEN if you did nothing wrong, or EVEN if there is no need for you to say so, it'll make her feel better, then hug, AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
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