A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Yesterday I caught my future father in law cheating, I know it would break my fiancé's heart if I told him, not to mention if his mother finds out, it will tear his family apart. I don't know what to do. I don't think I would ever say anything to his mom directly, If anything I would tell my fiancee and let him make the decision. We are all very close, so this is really difficult and is weighing very heavily on my mind and heart. I just dont know what to do. I can't even look at my future father in law without thinking I know what you've done and it has completely changed my perception and feelings toward him. His parents seemed so happy they are still affectionate, they bicker every now and then but no major fights or resentment. It's completely blowing my mind. And I'm so stuck.
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female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Your enggaged, you should tell your fiancé and work through ittogether, it will upset him but you can be there to talk it through with him.You don't know what is going on his parents marriage, no-one really ever does - but this is something to talk through with your fiancé.Good luck with your decision
A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (14 September 2011):
 and also, you need to practice making decisions together. He will be your husband soon & this is something he deserves to know.
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A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (14 September 2011):
TALK TO YOUR FIANCE. Despite what these people are saying, it would be the right thing to do. Maybe he loves his mom and respects her enough to not let his dad do this. Maybe he can talk to her and they would never know you said anything. Put yourself in her position, wouldnt you want your son/daughter in law to inform you if your fiance soon to be husband were cheating? I think so. So think it over and decide with your fiance what to do. He will be your husband soon you two need to make decisions TOGETHER. Say this were to come out later on down the road, it could cause HUGE problems in your own marriage. You will not be the one hurting feelings, youre not the cheater, if the father was worried about having hurt feelings he definitely would NOT be cheating. Good luck!! Do the right thing!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): First of all i'd like to address the response by soon567. I think you are misreading my intentions here. I am not looking to out him for being a cheater, this information fell into my lap and now i am haunted by knowing the truth. I am not judging him and saying he is a scumbag, he is a good man and I have looked up to him for so long.And my fiance has had suspicions before that his father may have been communicating with other women, but never investigated his suspicions. We even had a running joke that his father was going to see his other GF or his other family. I consider these people to be my own. I love them as I do my own parents and it is deeply heart wrenching to know that this is going on, if indeed the case is that they do not have an open relationship. This thought did cross my mind. I consider myself to be very close with my Future mother in law, closer than her own daughter in a sense that I feel comfortable enough to tell her private things as she does me. So from the private things she has disclosed to me and me to her and her reactions, I get the impression this is not something that she would consent to. That explanation, however, is not completely ruled out as that may very well be the case, and I actually hope that it is because I could not stand to see this woman or her family hurting the way that I know it hurts to be cheated on. And to clear this up, I have physical, hard evidence that proves he has been with other women. And recently. I agree with Hugh. J in saying that it will cause a lot of damage which is why I am struggling with this so much. Being put in this situation has completely made me question all of my moral standings and rethink what is right and wrong. I love my fiancee and his whole family. I think that if the truth came out, whether it was from my mouth or the mouth of someone else, it could ruin the relationship between me and my fiance because it would just destroy him and i dont even know if he would want to get married period since he has held his parents on such high esteem, and we are constantly talking about how we cant wait to grow old together and have the kind of life and relationship they have. Thank you everyone for your advice, this hurts so bad.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 September 2011):
 Wow, really? I read the question, but I was honestly shocked by most of the responses to it, especially the ones who berate the poor woman by calling her thoughts "petty". First of all, she CAUGHT the dad cheating. This isn't a vague rumor. Secondly, who wouldn't have a hard time with what they'd seen?? This is neither petty nor judgmental of her to consider her options in this case. The harshness of the responses are jarring here.
Back to the original asker of this question. It would be easy to just keep it to yourself. It's the path of least resistance to be sure. However, I think the best thing is to talk to your fiance on this matter. It would be different if you were already married, because then you'd be legally part of the family, not just emotionally.
I say talk to your fiance about it and let him decide what to do, then respect his decision. Do not talk to anyone else about it, only your fiance exclusively. If your fiance decides to table it and not confront the dad, that's the end of it, and don't talk to anyone else about it. However, if he is cheating, it will come out that you knew about it. The fact that you're really having a hard time with this shows me that you're a very honest person, and when the news gets back to you, you won't be able to conceal that you knew about it. This could put you in a very bad light.
So, my advice is, talk to no one but your fiance. Be thorough in explaining your evidence, and then leave the decision to your fiance. If your fiance decides not to go forward, that's his decision, and you can respect it knowing that you did what you could. Do not go to your fiance's mom or anyone else either before talking to your fiance or afterwards if he believes that silence is the best policy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): I hate lies and half truths!U owe it to your fiance to tell him the truth. This secret will kill your relationship with your fiance and quite frankly your future FIL is not worth your relationship. Your fiance must then decide to tackle his father. U will get lots of people telling. To butt out or even to just speak your the FIL. By keeping this secret it means u are colluding with your FIL or turning a blind eye.Trust me if this comes out and your fiance then knows that u knew, he will NEVER trust u again. Surely this is not what u want?The only loyalty u have is to your fiance. His father will have to face whatever consequences for his actions.LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, aebniala  +, writes (13 September 2011):
Id say its none of your business. WhyBecause it might not be what you think, his wife might know about it. Whatever it is you are marrying the son not the father.
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male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (13 September 2011):
 Sorry I was a bit brusque in my response earlier, but by interfering you do more harm than good, and you have no idea of the whole situation, so it's best to keep out of it.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (13 September 2011):
Old saying, keep your nose in your own business and all will be well. Can you honestly say he's cheating? How could you know this without even talking to him. What if him and his wife has an open relationship. What if she has a problem having sex with him and let the guy sleep with another. How would you know this if you never ask. If it bother yiu so much miss perfect then why not tell them all together. Why not call them all end and speak your mind. I wish you were my girl so I could really dump and tell you where you could get off at.Your relationship is with his son and not him. This man owes you nothing not even an answer to you petty thoughts. How would you like an outsider spreading rumors about your family?You should tell but be a strong women and tell on him in front of the man that your accusing...at least give the man a chance to defend himself.Who made you judge? Why dont you display your life so they can judge you, or you without fault?
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (13 September 2011):
 what a horrible situation to be in! if you are close to his dad i think you should tell him what you know and tell him that you don't want to tell your fiancé but that you also feel really bad keeping secrets from him. talk it over with his dad. it is HIS affair, HIS marriage, HIS responsibility to not hurt his family, so really he should have some input in whatever you plan to do. you do not know intimately what your future in-laws marriage is like. generally cheating is bad but sometimes there is more to it
x
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female
reader, Zulma +, writes (13 September 2011):
 Hey. Personally.i thnk that telling your future father in law wil shock him but wont change his decision.he would only ask you please don't sayn anything or stay out of it.talk to your fiance about it.I'm sure you would want to know if you are being cheated on even if it hurts.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (13 September 2011):
Simple. It's none of your business and you will do a lot of damage to everybody, including yourself.Just keep quiet and walk away from it.
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female
reader, butterfliesarefree +, writes (13 September 2011):
Don't tell your fiance instead speak to your father in law and tell him what you saw that will probably shock him into finishing his affair
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