A
female
age
30-35,
*aime90
writes:I'll try and keep this short, but there is so much to the story. My boyfriend is extremely jealous, insecure and controlling. This is all getting better since he has been seeing a therapist, but one thing that has gotten worse it his trust problems. He tries to blame me, saying that i am untrustworthy, and he cannot believe a thing i say, but i don't see where this comes from because i don't lie. I always tell him things that are hard like when a guy is flirting with me (hard to tell because he gets very angry, even though i wasn't flirting and ALWAYS tell guys i have a boyfriend) when ever he asks me details about my past i tell him to the best i can remember, and don't lie even if its bad or not what he wants to hear.He doesn't trust ANY females, and in my eyes is very sexist. E.g. if we are watching a movie where a guy sleeps with many women he will think that guy is cool, but if a women sleeps with only one man he says "fucking slut". I want to know if there is anything i can do to help this? how could i be contributing? i'm about to give up, i cant keep going in a relationship where i'm not trusted, i don't deserve this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, newbern  +, writes (26 July 2009):
Dump him. Now. You don't want to live like this. These are your best years.
A
female
reader, jaime90 +, writes (26 July 2009):
jaime90 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well we did break up a few months ago, then got back together because he wanted to give it another chance and see the therapist, but i feel like he doesn't even want to talk to me about what happens with her. He doesnt tell me how to help fix this either he just says i dunno...
He has only had one real relationship before me, when they started dating she was 1 month pregnant to a stranger she met on holiday in mexico. She was the same age as me, 19 and had slept with over 15 guys, most of which were strangers and in public. She was a massive party girl. Then she got pregnant with his child, who is now nearly 2. the ex is honestly crazy, some days she is like his best friend then she will call him out of the blue and say i dont want you to see our daughter anymore. She calls all the time no notice and says you have to take amalia (daughter) today or i wont let you see her. Im not sure if this has anything to do with it? Thanks everyone for your replies!
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A
male
reader, lonestarchalk1  +, writes (26 July 2009):
 do role reversal and see how that works, adapt his attitude, give him a taste of his own medicine, unfortunately honey most of his issues have nothing to do with you at all, they have to do with probably a overcontrolling mother, or no mother at all, or whatever, they are personal issues, issues he shouldn't be demonstrating to you, my suggestion is make him disappear in your life, your life and time is precious and all the while your dealing with his crap, you could be meeting a whole new group of guys that are better fitted for your personality, likes and dislikes and compliment your personality rather than try to smoother it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): You're very right, you don't deserve this. He IS being sexist to an extent and if he can't trust you, then it's not a healthy relationship. You say he can't trust any other females; do you know if there is something that has triggered this, such as a bad past relationship? Or perhaps his father was like this toward his mother? If he is seeing a therapist, then it sounds to me like there are quite a few issues going on except not trusting you. It is good that he is seeing someone about this, but clearly he is not changing yet, or at least for you. You could try talking to him, or again if you have already, and ask him to stop, and start trusting you, as you can't be in a relationship without trust. If he tries to make an effort, then great, if not, which sadly, sounds likely, then perhaps you should go on a 'break' or split up altogether. I know people who are like this and they don't change for other people, it's them who have the problem. Maybe both of you would be better off seperated until at least he can change, but he needs to change for himself. A therapist may help and in time, if it does, you two could try again.
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