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I can't shake these feelings!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 October 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 27 October 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, *arlaP. writes:

I have been in a relationship for two and a half years. My BF has a kid. I don't want to be around her nor do I want him to bring her to my house. It really hurts him and I know it. I know what I'm saying is wrong but I can't shake my feelings about this.

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A male reader, duce00 United States +, writes (27 October 2009):

duce00 agony auntYou did not say why you feel the way you do. Is the girl really crappy to you? Do you just hate kids? I am a single father and you can guess my opinion on the whole thing but to be fair, maybe you could clarify the situation for us even if it is not where you should be.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009):

He's not for you dearie. Best to move on to someone else without the baggage that you detest so much. What else can we tell you?

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (20 October 2009):

hlskitten agony auntSo you dont want someone with a kid, cant be helped that can it! But he comes as part of a package, with his kid. So probably best to move on?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009):

Thats fair enough. I hope you have told him. I wouldnt want to be involved with a woman who felt that way. She wouldnt even get to meet my boy. But you are doing the right thing in telling him how you feel.

But whats more important is that your doing the best thing for the little girl.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009):

She's always going to be in his life whether you're there or not. She's his daughter and she should rightfully come before you in his eyes. A child is a lifetime commitment. If you're not going to change on this issue, then you should leave now before it'll hurt even worse to leave. Find someone who fits your standards (like not having a child).

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A female reader, Ich_liebe_dich Philippines +, writes (20 October 2009):

Ich_liebe_dich agony auntTake it or leave it, so easy is it!!!!

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (20 October 2009):

His daughter will always come first, and if you can't accept that, then you need to move on now. She isn't yours, so I understand why you would feel that way. But believe me, don't try to compete, you will lose. If you can't accept that she is a part of your boyfriend's life, and you will be unhappy, then you need to move on now. Good luck.

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