A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've never been kissed. My girlfriend has. We met in person, now long distance, it has been almost a year.She was kissed years ago, and it still makes her feel used to me. It hurts so bad, and I am so depressed. I've waited my whole life for her, and she gave hers away so young. We're in our early twenties too, so I know this sounds silly.I love her so much, but it has been 8 months of constant depression since I found out. I cry every night, and I know we'll never be as strong because of it.However, I know she's the only girl for me, I know this because she is literally the ONLY girl I have ever liked, much less wanted to be with or love.(there is more to this, like why I feel so strongly about first kisses, but this is a summary)
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (19 August 2011):
At one point you have to ask yourself where the line is OP. If someone else has touched her, would that make her vile? You know, the quick brush of the hand on bare skin. Doesn't even have to be sexual. Okay, how about the peck on the cheek? Is that okay? And now french kissing. I can pretty much guarantee that 95% of all the girls at your age have done this atleast once. Just because there are posts here on DearCupid from other people who have never been kissed, doesn't make it common. It's very uncommon.
Hell I was a virgin till 22, and I was one of the few. I only know one person who kept her virginity as long as I have and I know a lot of people. Finding a virgin girl is like searching for a needle in a haystack. Finding a virgin girl who has never been kissed is even harder than that. I don't know anyone of that age who has never been kissed. Demanding your future partner to be one of them is going to make it very hard for you to find someone, if you can't get a grip on yourself.
You have to be realistic here. And honest with yourself. Aren't you being selfish for demanding her to be the same as you are? There's only one you. You can't expect people to live by the same standards. For you to view your values and standards as the only right ones is short sighted. How does she feel knowing you view her as damaged goods because of one kiss? I had my first kiss at 14 because I was curious and felt it was a harmless way to express my attraction to the guy. I'm sure your gf felt the same. Hell, she probably told you she didn't like the guy to make YOU feel better.
You said most questions here from virgins were put there because they couldn't get someone. I'm sure they could. They just couldn't find the RIGHT person, sometimes because their standards were too high---just like you.
If you can't let this go, do your girl a favor and end the relationship so she can find a guy who values her for who she is.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (19 August 2011):
 "(there is more to this, like why I feel so strongly about first kisses, but this is a summary)"
yes OP it certainly sounds like there is more to your problem. i suggest you need to get some kind of help or therapy if you are crying and depressed over this every day since you found out. you are not being realistic at all. if you cannot cope with this jealousy then all you can do is break up with her and go looking for a girl who has never been kissed. i think you know who difficult this will be don't you? look, if you like this girl just learn to accept what she has done. i don't think ANYONE will agree with you on this. you sound like someone from another century
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (19 August 2011):
 Dude, if you have some sort of idealism in your head of the women you being with to be "pure" i'm afraid your going to be waiting a very long time.
I find it horrible that you say because of her past you would of never of spoke to her in the first place if you knew. Yeah fair enough she might of made a mistake at the time in kissing someone she did not love, but hey we all make mistakes. How would you like it if everyone looked at your past mistakes and judged you because of them ?
I'd understand if she had slept with the whole school before she went out with you but she has not done anything wrong. Being a teenager is about growing up and expeirenceing and expeirementing with the adult world which includes sexual expeirences.
You need to change your way of thinking and accept that everyone has a past.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 August 2011):
 What the hell does "My whole family is vomit inducingly slutty, and some of my friends are too." mean? Is English a second language for you? Are you using some kind of speak and type application?
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A
female
reader, heatherly +, writes (18 August 2011):
I can understand where you are coming from about wanting her first kiss. Back in the old days, when you married someone and they said, "You may now kiss the bride" it really was the first kiss that BOTH partners would have ever had. Kissing was understood to be part of the intimacy that accompanied only marriage.However, I can tell you this - she might have kissed someone before, but kissing one person is not the same as kissing another person. The kisses you two will share will indeed be YOURS ALONE. They will belong to you and her. They have never been shared with anyone else, because no two people kiss the same way or with the same heart. And know this - it sounds like there are lots of other things she didn't ever share before, that are WAAY more deep and powerful than holding hands and kissing. You can be the one to have all THOSE firsts with her, if you can get over this. Life doesn't always give us exactly what we want - love is about learning to take disappointment along with joy, and enjoy it all at once. What if you get married and have a child and the child is born with a severe deformity? I'm sure this isn't what you want your marriage and family to be like either, but it could happen and it would just be part of what you would have to overcome with the love between you as a couple. Life is about learning how to take things that do not necessarily fit our plans and our goals and do it with grace and love and joy.Can you forgive her and be her first all over again? I'm sure she wants you more than that other guy...really.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (17 August 2011):
 It is unrealistic to expect a girl of that age to have NEVER been kissed!
If that is what you really, absolutely expect in a relationship, then you need to get a wake up call. The past can not be undone.
If you TRULY love her, then look past the past and move on.
Accept her for who she is AND who she is not.
If you have been weeping about this for months, then you need some help. You are in love with an IDEAL, and not a real person. If this dissapoints you now, you will be shattered the further you get into the relationship to discover that she is not meeting your every standard.
No one can please a person all the time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2011): OP here, and I can try and explain, I hope. A lot of it comes from the fact that I have always waited, and that of all the parts of the body, I value lips the most.I used to think like that, like I was the only person never kissed, so why bother even looking for somebody unused. But, to be perfectly honest, it is not THAT uncommon. After a quick google search I found this, on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-20-and-never-been-kissed-or-had.htmlThere are groups of people like me, however, they're mostly unlike me in the sense that they didn't wait for somebody, they just couldn't get anybody.Another reason it hurts so bad is because she didn't even like the guy, she was just doing because she wanted to get kissed, she had 0 intention of having that relationship last. Not only does that seem skanky to me, but if I had known that from the start I probably would have never talked to her. At first I was able to let it go because I didn't know the circumstances, but now I find that it is eating at me because it is exactly what I wasn't looking for. It is really an odd feeling to hate somebody's past yet love them so endlessly. I wanted to get some normal people's opinions on the matter because I know I am quite unique in my opinions. I value you everything about love, I attribute a lot that to me childhood, but I don't consider this to be a bad thing. First kiss, first date, first time holding hands, first everything. To be honest, I couldn't go back now even if I tried, I have already given her too much. I didn't think the one would hurt so much, but she does, and I'll just have to live with that.Before anyone tells me a treat women like a hobby item and not like people, please understand that this isn't the case. I hold myself to the same standards and always have. I don't let it affect my opinion of people. My whole family is vomit inducingly slutty, and some of my friends are too. How I got to be this way is a mystery.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2011): You know you can't change the past. You can only accept it or move on.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 August 2011):
Like k-c said...More Info is needed. You cry every night over this??? Wow
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2011): Wow. So, this girl is a virgin, I assume? Dude, do you have any idea how few women in their late teens and early 20's are still virgins? The answer is very, VERY few. A kiss is nothing to be concerned with. The vast majority of girls that age have had several sexual partners and kissed many different boys. It's part of growing up and experiencing relationships.
At some point, you will have to accept that EVERYONE has a history. The issue here is you not accepting your girlfriend's history, not that she has one.
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A
female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (17 August 2011):
come on man seriously a kiss is just a kiss god just get a grip
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Hi,
Is a kiss just a kiss or more? Like sleeping together? Early 20's you would expect a girl has made love before. Perhaps you have built up a picture and image of your girl due to the long distance. We all can imagine an ideal person from a distance and then things don't match up to expectations.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 August 2011):
 You might need to provide that information about why you feel so strongly about first kisses, because this is just utterly ridiculous and so unbelievably immature.
Most people on this site who have a problem with their partner's past are upset that they have had one night stands before, or have slept with too many people....not simply kissed someone else!
A kiss is just a kiss, it is not sex, it is not anywhere near as meaningful as that - so why does it bother you so much?
You are going to need to give that information if you want someone to understand your viewpoint, otherwise you are just going to get a lot of answers telling you to grow up and get a grip because this is one incredibly insignificant problem in the face of so many people on this site with REAL problems.
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