A
female
age
30-35,
*rincess166
writes:hi guysmy boyfriend who has been a weed addict has quit since sunday (which is the last time i saw him) i texted him today which is usually when we see each other and asked if he wanted to hang out. he didnt reply for a while then just called me saying he wouldnt be able to see me for a week or two because he is detoxing from weed. he said he wasnt trying to cut me off or try to break up with me and that he was doing me a favor since he said he gets really angry during night time from widthdrawls. i told him i wanted to help him and he said 'i knew you would say that but i dont want to see you right now, please try and understand'. he told me to come chat with him on the net when he gets home. i dont really know what to do right now, he said he doesnt want my help and im not used not being around him. how do i cope and how can i support my partner??
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 August 2011):
 The reason would be obvious and it is the same for everybody who announces they are going to stop drinking or smoking or they are going on a diet- and then they don't : because they are ashamed and feel lousy about it. If he promised he'd stop doing something, but he continues instead- you may not have a problem with him continuing, but he surely does.
I checked the link with interest but I am still rather skeptikal. First, anything can become addictive including Gummi Bears or liquorice, and yes, quitting cold turkey will make you anxious, paranoid, irritable and aggressive. But so an excessive use of weed does too ( haven't you noticed yet ?! ) therefore what's the big difference.
Second his approach is incorrect from a relational point of view. Ex tobagists , people with 30 years of cigarette smoke behind them, have the hardest time quitting and
withdrawal is real bad, with also physical symptoms. But they generally don't just dump their spouses and children and go to hide , they tough it out at home with their partners , because that's also what a couple is about.
So unless this seclusion is prescribed or recommended by his doctor- he's handling things in a pretty self centered way and making you secundary to his problems and addictions ( as it is not surprising, in fact almost inevitable, when dealing with substance abusers ).
Mind you , I still confirm what I said, that basically a couple weeks of separation, whatever his motivations, is no big deal and ,being a first, you should not overreact or stress about it. Just - watch out for the future, keep your eyes open, you don't want end up as a nurse/enabler/ woman who loves too much.
A
female
reader, princess166 +, writes (17 August 2011):
princess166 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe side effects can be pretty bad, and agression and anxiety can make him pretty violent. he smokes in front of me so he'd have no reason to do it behind my back.
http://recoveringaddict.hubpages.com/hub/Marijuana-withdrawal-symptoms-Insomnia--anxiety--iritability--headache
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 August 2011):
So much for all the people who say that weed is not addictive then ?...
Uhm, I admit I am not a major expert, but... there is something fishy here. I mean, weaning yourself off weed is not like weaning yourself off heroin- or even just cigarettes, as for that. There are no physical withdrawal symptoms, no sickness or shivers etc. If he was a massive weed consumer, yes he may feel a bit irritable or a bit depressed-no more and no remarkably different than the usual irritability or mild depression that generally goes hand in hand with consuming huge quantities of weed.
So ? So my guess is that either he did NOT quit, he just told you he did and he's carving himself some space to happily toke away behind your back- or that he does want a break and he is using his detox as an excuse.
Keep your cool, it's not by pushing and prodding and insisting that you'll bring him closer. Give him the space that he asks, for a couple of weeks, - after all, I suppose we must give him the benefit of doubt, and even if we don't- some time even good relationships need to take a breather. After which, though- stop being patient and assess what are YOUR needs in this relationship- if his " detox " should go on irreasonably longer, well then, maybe
he needs a nurse , not a girlfriend. And think very hard if you really wanna be that nurse / crutch / helper / healer - and for how long.
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