A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 3 and a half years has never discussed us getting engaged or married. He moved in with me when our 11 month old daughter was born. The other day i broached the subject of us getting engaged on her pending first birthday and we ended up rowing as he told me he had never wanted to get engaged to anyone. I feel hurt and rejected and i told him our relationship was over as it is going nowhere. He has been back at his mums for 5 days now.I am confused and angry, we are not communicating about our relationship, i am scared if i ask him to sit down and talk i will be rejected again. Do i wait until he wants to talk? i am 40 and he is 41. Please help x
View related questions:
engaged, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hurleyflipflop  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 You need to approach the real question here which is why he doesn't want any part of the engagement and this needs to be addressed directly with him in person.
A
female
reader, Reina +, writes (25 August 2007):
I don't think he is ready for a real relationship with you. He may someday want to be with someone else, but from what you've said about his behavior, it seems as though he at least isn't ready to be fully committed to you. What does that tell you if he fathers your child yet he still cannot own up to his responsibilities as an adult/parent? I think you should gain full custody of your daughter and move the hell on if he's going to behave this way. No one can make him be the man he ought to be. Leave him for good, take your daughter with you, move on. If he's a decent father, he should be able to spend some time with his daughter though. but you have to be strong because this guy will probably only bring you down. DONT call him until you've really figured out what you want to do. Don't negotiate with this guy. I'm sure this will not be easy, beacause you pretty much are attached to him through your daughter, but you should alleviate your emotional attachment to him.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 Your question is about your relationship with this man. You very clearly say that you're afraid you could be rejected again, and ask whether you should talk to him, or wait until he does.
I think you should separate the two issues at stake here. First, you should not talk to him about the RELATIONSHIP. The relationship seems to be pretty much over. The second issue is, you should talk to him about the baby, the sooner the better.
In short, you expect more from the relationship than he is willing to give you. I hope this changes, but, you can't be sure it will. If you talk to him again about the relationship, you'll be begging him to return to you. That won't help you. If he knows you'd rather not lose him, he will come back but leave you the minute you mention marriage again. You'll be forced NOT to speak about marriage, lest you lose him. It's best not to be with someone who treats you this way.
As to the baby, yes, you should secure the baby's rights. But make sure your relationship issues with him don't stand in the way with anything related to your baby. Make sure he understands you're only contacting him about the baby.
It's so sad that you're going through this. You know you can count on us for help.
Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (25 August 2007):
 birdynumnums is right. talk to a lawyer. He has commitment issues, but he needs to commit to his daughter.
If he won't step up, you need to move on. The sooner you can heal your heart over him, the sooner you can do so.
Good luck hon.
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 Sorry, that was harsh. But seriously, you need take steps to protect your daughter's rights. Perhaps forcing his hand will make him realize that he has to become a responsible person. How old do you have to be to realize that a child needs a father? I hope that a good kick in the but will clear up his vision. I'm sorry he is not doing the right thing and that you are in pain. I hope that things go better for you, but if he is behaving childishly, you need to set an example as the resposible adult. Your daughter is depending on you.
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (25 August 2007):
Consult a lawyer. You need to protect your right to raise your daughter and have child support. The minute that you asked for him to step up to the plate, he ran back to his mother. Don't even think about it, right him off and protect your child. You are both old enough to to be independant, responsible parents. He is not, he still needs one.
...............................
|
