A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The problem is that I feel that my daughter is left out with her friends. It is more hurtful for me as a parent than it is for my daughter.She is in sixth grade, and her class is small. There are three other girls who are all very outgoing. They are not mean girls. For the most part, they are all nice girls. My daughter is very timid. She does not know how to include herself in the group. They make very little effort to include her. This is what I observe when I am around the girls. This is also what I am told by the teacher. She says,"If the girls would just come to your daughter a little bit more or if your daughter would just come to the girls a little bit more." The girls are getting older. These junior-high dances are being held. Two of the girls in her class are like they are glued together, and they do lots of weekend activities together. They sometimes go to a dance. It is very hard for me to hide my feelings. I have encouraged my daughter over and over to make friends and to include herself, and then she will be included. I honestly don't know exactly how she feels about it. I don't think it bothers her nearly as much as it bothers me. She is very happy at home and is the most dominant personality. She has two sisters who are very close to her age, so it's not like she is really looking for playmates.Sometimes I take it personally as a parent that two of the girls are glued together and it's always the same two. I mean I feel that maybe the parents don't encourage their girls to make friends with my daughter, and it really hurts my feelings. I take it personally from this standpoint.What is your best advice? What is my best approach? I know the dads almost as well as I know the moms. Do I approach one and say, "I think it would be very nice if all four of the girls could be friends and could all be invited to each other's house from time to time. Do you ever encourage your daughter to make friends with all of the girls?" Would this just cause animosity? WOuld I regret having said something? Do I say something to another mom? "So why does she not invite so-and-so over? Is this one friend the only girl welcome at your house?" Would this just create animosity? There is one of the moms who I know extremely well. It is very hard for me not to say something snippy to her and I have before. I have helped her out with her daughter over and over again. It never mattered how many times we invited her daughter; my daughter was never invited back. What do you think of this?Occasionally they do have birthday parties, and all of the girls are always invited then. My daughter has invited the other girl in her class (not one of the two who are practically glued together) and she never is able to come. Personally, I think it is because she doesn't want to come. The girls are getting older, and they are so much more outgoing that maybe they do not want to make friends with her????It is a very sad situation, and I feel very badly about it. If anyone knows of anyone who is trained in this area, would you please forward this them so they can respond with their best advice.Please tell me which steps to take.I really do appreciate it.Hopeless in Harrisburg Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): Obviously, this is only your problem. Not hers, not the girls. You need to deal with your feelings. You are not the child here, you are a parent who is behaving like a child.
Do you have friends? Or is the only you do is monitor your children and their friends? Please make friends with people, take interest in other people's lives (other than your children). Volunteer, develop a hobby or anything
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): This is coming from a teenager who has a little experience in your daughters position. Please, please do not get involved and try to organize a playdate through the parents of her friends. Literally, that is the worst possible way to make friends, seriously....
Let your daughter find her feet on her own terms, and in her own way, don't force anything. It is her choice who she wants to be friends with.
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